When life can go so routinely and average, yet you make the best of it. Why in the world do you find this one person that makes everything so perfect, then they do something so traumatic to you. I know that everyone has their own experiences with this, but I'd like to share a story before my question.
Before day one- I was nervous and shy
Before our first month anniversary- I was exstatic and happy
Before our one year anniversary- I was busy and content
Before our two year anniversary- I was planning a family
Before our three year anniversary- She hurt me
Before our breakup- she made me realise what I went through
but I never stopped to think, why or how.
Why was I nervous and shy?
Why was I exstatic and happy
Why was I busy and content
Why was I planning a family
Why did she hurt me
I suppose we often wonder these questions, but what does the answer matter? It only increases our knowledge of the situation and our burden through life. Burdens of pain and suffering, burdens of worry, burdens of happiness and excitement, burdens of learning.
- That may not make sense to a lot of people. But that's the end of my story.
My question, is "why?"
- Use your own logical reasoning to form the answers you'd like to provide.
Most Helpful Girl
Think of the 'burdens' as weights that you lift in the gym. Yes it is tough, yes it burns and leaves you sore for a few days, but guess what? You're gonna get stronger, your body's getting fitter and you will be so much more physically able. These burdens of pain and happiness and love and worry and learning are like a mental workout leading to wisdom, clarity and understanding. Ignorance is bliss. But you are way too curious to live without questioning what it's all about right? Even if you discover nothing and gain nothing at the end of it all, keep searching and looking. To question is what matters. It teaches you to listen to yourself better.
Note: I notice that you use the word I instead of 'We' when you discuss your feeling and plans in your relationship. I'm not suggesting it has any significance but maybe?
You were nervous and shy because you were young?
You were ecstatic and happy because you were in love?
You were busy and content because your love was reciprocated?
You wanted to build on that love and take it into the future.
Why did she hurt you?
Maybe she didn't want the same things? Maybe she did and the timing was off, she wasn't ready? Maybe her feelings changed? Whatever the reason you two clearly lost the same page of the book and began living different chapters.
OF course this is going to be painful for you. She was the girl you loved, someone who made your life seem perfect, she made you happy and you became attached to that happiness. She became the object of your affection, your desire. ANd she took it away when she took herself away from you. You lost something you had grown to depend on and to love, therefore you're bound to grieve and feel hurt. I'm sure she never had any intention to hurt you. For you to love her she must be wonderful. She is just human and probably as confused as all the rest of us about our feelings and how they control our lives.
Relationships often fail because of a lack of communication and a lack of honesty. Trust is really important and sometimes pride gets in the way as well. I think that since each relationship is different perhaps each one needs it's own unique language. Usually between couples this naturally occurs. But if it can be acknoledged and developed then I think it can be a lot of fun. Relationships (like life) are a work in progress. And unfortunately/ or fortunately can be unpredictable, depending on which way you look at it, I guess.
The bottom line is, we have no choice but to love who we love. We hope they love us back. We hope we stay in love. But when that love changes, or when the tide turns we have no choice but to let it go. You can't stop loving someone just because they don't love you back, or that they don't love you as you would wish them to.2