Guy cheats on his girl with you..

Okay so, I dated this guy for four months over the Summer. He's the type of guy who will fall for a girl easily, and will give her his all. Well, we started talking a month after him and his girl of 2 years had broken up. I could tell he was ready to get over her, and throughout our relationship he showed it quite clealy.

Well, I was a major bitch to him. Really mean. Though I loved him, alot. And I knew he was perfect for me, but always took him for granted. Like honestly, everything about us individually complements each other. And we have everything in common. I know he's the love of my life..

But anyways, when he did break up with me, he went back to that girl. I take it was because she was always there, and yeah he missed her. Of course he did. But I reallyy don't think he was like dying to get back with her. We had broken up because I was a major bitch to him..

So yeah, after we had broken up, I tried to move on. But no one lived up to Josh. So it never worked, and I ended up depressed and dreaming of him each night. EACH AND EVERY NIGHT.

Until one day, I swear, my prayers were answered.

I had actually been "talking" to his friend Kyle. They weren't the best of friends, so I didn't really care. Well, their mutual friend Ian invited me to come see Kyle at a party. I was like yeah! Sure. They told me I had a ride and everything. So finee by me. And then he's like, well okay, me and Josh and gonna be leaving soon. I'm like...Josh? He's like "Yeah, Delgado." like it's no biggie. It was a big deal to me! For months it had been like he never happened to me. And now I was about to be in his presence..it was crazy to me. My heart was poundinggg. So I tried to reply easily to Ian over the phone, without my voice becoming overly high.

So I get picked up, don't say a word to josh the whole time, and get to the party. With Kyle the whole time, and catch Josh staring at me the entire time. Ian gets me and Josh to start talking, and then we don't stop, so I leave Kyle behind. It's so familiar with Josh. We both know each other so well. And he cares for me alot. And throughtout the conversation, he was like smiling and taking deep breaths..you know, like when you have that overwhelmed feeling? He seemed overwhelmed and happy to talk to me.

So yeah at the end of the night I'm taken home, and I say goodbye and get out of the van. And then I hear a door open, and it's joshs. I was like oh crap. Because of Kyle. So he comes up to me and gives me this longg hug, squeezingg me. I just stood there. Then he whispers with his face pressed against my hair "I never stopped caring about you" and kissed me on the head, where no one can see. he whispers a few other things, and then says "talk to me, okay?" pulls away from the hug, and kisses me on the lips. Just a peck, so quick I didn't know what to think. I was just like indifferent. he got in the car, and I walked home.

so we've been talking for maybe 3 weeks now. We're just friends, and it's been bothering me.

Updates:
CONT'D:

so yeah we talk like every day. And I check on his girl's Facebook to know when they're hanging out, and it's kinda funny how RIGHT when she's gone he texts me or IMs me.

So most of the time we just talk. Maybe reminisce on stuff.
CONT'D: talk about life. share laughs. he tells me I'm cute. he tells me what to do, like what piercing to get or not to dye my hair and stuff, like he cares. he implies that we will hang out. he gets jealous sometimes.
but last night, I brought up how I feel about him. he knowss I still love him. and it's a sore subject kindof. so I keep talking and talking about it...and he doesn't say much. when I'm done, he says I'm sorry.
he tells me something like "we are friends...you know me well, REALLY well. alittle too well." and blah blah. and I'm like, so if we had sex, no feelings would be attached? and he's like well..of course there would be feelings?

and he asks "would you be okay with us just having sex?"

and I'm like "um...no. but I'd deal with it"

so I don't know what to do. maybe he'll change his mind if we're together? like I know him and his girl are going through ups and downs.
like he tells me how she annoys him when they're together for too long. He texted me once saying "she wouldn't leave!" and blah blah blah. and I was like "ohhh, I wonder what you said about me when we were together!" and he was like
"nooo never lol. but for real". so he knows we had good times...i mean I am younger than him. turning 16 and he's 19. but I know me and him are good for each other. and yeah its in his best interest to be with her but...i just want him. that's all.
Is it worth it to hang out with him and have sex with him only to find out he doesn't want to be with me? Is it better to take that risk?
So here's an update. Friday I saw him, to do a favor. We did what we needed to do, then sat in the car for 30 mins just talking, and then he had to drop me off at school. Right before I had to get out to leave, he leans over to give me a hug. A reallyyyy
long one. Like he had before at the party. You know how you say something like "alright, bye" when leaving? Well, I said that, three times, and he wouldn't let go...he was like squeezing me. And then I just gave in and sat there, and if I wouldn't have
said anything to leave he would have just sat there for at least a minute. he didn't want to let go. But when I pulled away, he kissed me on the lips, and I just looked down.. I got my stuff situated, not looking at him, and him seeing this he said sorry
as I opened the door to get out. I just replied with why are you sorry...without looking at him. and left. I had left my lunch in there so he ended up bringing it back for me. We were texting after that and he just seemed a little more comfortable with
talking to me about certain things and was a little more flirty. Idk... what do you think about that one?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If he cheats with you he will cheat on you.

    Don't be basic sweetie, he is running game on you. If he wanted to be with you he wouldn't be with her and trying to get sex with you on the low. You may love him but his actions aren't showing that he still feels the same for you. It's not right, and if it was love on his part he wouldn't have you in a f***ed up position. Why would you take a risk with your emotions like that? The odds are you will get hurt, if he wanted to be with you he could be, just like he could get sex with you if he wanted it. That right there shows what he really wants with you and it isn't to fully be with you. So why give him complete control over the situation, that is just foolish. You're considering hanging out and having sex with him and THEN finding out if he wants to be with you or not - that's a bad sequence of events. He's a player so you can either get played or not.

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    • I just know he isn't happy with her... and it's kind of a messed up situation, and we can't even see each other right now, because there really isn't a way. But he makes enough effort to TALK to me...if he just wanted sex then would he put that much bother into it? I know you're right.. I just hope it doesn't work out like that, even though I know it will. Idk, thanks a lot tho..

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    • Very nicely put

    • Question Asker, I hope you listen to this advice, because it's the painful truth. We all wish you the best of luck.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 11

  • If you liked him, why were you so intentionally mean to him? Girls like you p*ss me off, I would have dumped your sorry ass too. I hope you learned something from it.

    That being said, here is some advice to consider. He sounds like an emotionally needy guy. Which means like a monkey, as he swings through life he won't let go of one branch(girl) until he grabs hold of another first. He probably isn't very confident and is afraid of being alone. While you were pushing him away during your relationship with him, he most likely sought the other girl to try and feel better about himself.

    Those types of situations leave an emotional scar on people, which means his wound is most likely not fully healed. When you met him later, he was most likely reliving the emotions attached to the breakup and felt "beaten" by you. So naturally he was watching your every move to either stay clear of you, or to feed back into trying to validate himself to you as emotionally scarred people often do.

    Due most likely to your feelings of guilt over how you treated this poor guy, you now feel some kind of bizarre obligation to make it up to him. He probably has negative feelings associated with you and that most likely drives you crazy. I can't say I blame him, but I can blame you since you caused his pain knowingly in the first place.

    My best advice is to grow up a little and let it go. Learn from your experience through this situation and look for a more mature and well adjusted guy, and this time don't take him for granted or be immature and mean to him for no reason. As long as you don't sabotage yourself moving forward, you will most likely be over this guy within a short period of time.

    However, the more you linger on this, the more you will convince yourself that you have to fix the situation, and it will most likely make you do stupid things you will regret later. Let it go, it's beyond repair and most likely won't ever work anyway.

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  • PLEASE DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM! I HONESTLY THINK HES TRYING TO GET AN ANGER BANG OUT OF YOU! PLEASE DONT DO IT!

    you should only have sex with a man who you love if he's single and is willing to be your loving bf. and you should still wait for like a month to know that's not what he's all about.

    but seriously... he's crazy for his girlfriend and is not going to leave her if you f*** him. I feel he just wants to f*** you to get out that anger. especially since you were mean to him.

    REMEMBER! WHY BUY THE COW IF YOU CAN HAVE THE MILK FOR FREE!

    BE SMART! DONT FALL FOR IT!

    IM A DUDE AND I PLAY IN A BAND! I KNOW HOW TO PLAY AND THAT IS A GAME HE HAS ON GOING ON WITH YOU!

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  • If he just wants sex, then he's just wanting to use you. Your better than that. No matter how much you think your in love with him.

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    • I still don't want to lose him though..

    • He doesn't seem worth keeping. But it's your choice. The only thing that your wasting is... time. Which could be used on something better. Like meeting someone new.

  • Nice thread, ill give you an opinon being a guy in your shoes...have a best friend with a bf, and I've been plaing with fire...sometimes you can't control emotions, there irrational. There's obviously unprocessed issues between you two, you only live once I say. Just go in with your facts straight and all the various outcomes in mind. You guys have history, a booty call I much less emotionally entangled.

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    • I like your way of thinking. Thank you. It's nice to hear.

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    • As we were reminiscing about the summer he said "all I did was take care of youuuss and looooveee youusass". Yes I know we talk kinda cutsie lol.. but that was a big step! for him to admit to loving me... like that takes alot. I have noticed so much progress. I feel like this could work. Like he's kept from saying some things. Like today he finally said that he hopes he could get the job to see me, I could tell he was working around it. but I knew that was why he was happy bout gttn the job.

    • But you should have been direct and not played the hard to get game by avoiding eye contact and acting non chalant, that's just complicated things in his depiction of the dynamics between both of you. Therefore, if you like him try to ammend the situation and be more direct, Men aren't well versed in deductive reasoning as I am depicting..I have a masters in psychology only reason I can see beyond the emotions your "interation" saw. Reason you are unsure y you did that because you like him...rite

  • Girls... let that be a lesson to you. When you find the love of your life, DON'T BE A BITCH!

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  • If a guy cheats on someone, he could and probably will cheat on everyone. I'd stay out of it. Its just not worth the hassle :/

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  • wow :/

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  • well its a big question you got , but after seeing your pic I think ny guy will go for you , you are a beautiful gal

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  • get with him, it's clear she isn't doing it for him.

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  • We did what we needed to do, what did you do?

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  • so let me see here...you were really a bitch to him...but loved him truly...he broke up with you and went to another woman (his ex) and you have questions about it? WTF? work on your issues and then date. Not til then. Damn girl! you just messing with this boys mind to get your own control issues fed.

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    • Dude, not even. It's not as simple as a simpleminded person like you is trying to make it. He broke up with me, and yeah for me being a bitch, but that's a personality thing I've worked on. Alls I know is I want him back, and evidently he would too, but it's just very complicated and I know he's way unsure about everything right now.. I've pretty much figured out the answer to my own question over time. So yeah.

What Girls Said 9

  • just let go. he wants benefits but he doesn't want a relationship cause he's officially with another girl. not worth to take risks at all.

    you're setting up your own downfall to trust in a guy like that. it's a finished deal, he has no entitlement to where you go or who you're with. you're not his possession, him coming out hugging you like that intensely is just awkward.

    i would be scared to tell you the truth, happy that he likes me but scared. I think getting a new boyfriend is a better bet.

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    • You are so right about the hug.. it really was awkward. I didn't know what to feel for him at that point, and that was just weird..

      You're right. I am scared.

      Thing is...when I act like I don't want him...he seems more interested and makes more comments on things he usually wouldnt. Idk...

      We still talk, as we are really close again, like he's the one person I've told pretty much everything to, even the things I used to be uncomfortable with talking about.

      Idk...friends isn't cool with me, but maybe

    • Maybe one day it will turn into something else. Idk. He's not one of those jerkoff guys, I know that with the whole having a girlfriend situation yeah sure is jerklike but I don't think he looks at it much as cheating, because he hasn't done anything yet...i know he was hesitant when we would talk about sex, I brought that upon myself because I initiated it. Idk, I guess I'll just see how it goes when we hang. There's really no one else I want..

    • The thing is...if he can do this to another girl, he'll probably do it to you. that's what I believe. a guy like that, you don't know when your number is up.

  • Nope. Stay away from that. That ship has sailed honey. You were a bitch to him so he went back to the woman who wasn't a bitch to him. It is clear that you two are very attracted to each other, but having sex with him while he is dating someone else is wrong. Here is a question, if he wasn't with his girlfriend, would you still want to sleep with him? Or are you only interested because is with someone else? If you are sure this guy is the love of your life then tell him, have him break up with his girlfriend, and go for it. For better or for worse right? Otherwise you are the "other woman" and are not only home wrecking a relationship, but are letting someone use you for you sex. If you are ok with that, then good luck, but you should have more respect for yourself. Oh stop Facebook stocking him. Tell him to come back to you or let him go. THere are many men out there you're going to fall for. You're young!

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  • i think this guy sounds like an ass no matter how much yu try to sweeten it up. so don't put yourself out there for HIM. move on and I promise yu'll find someone out there who deserves yu, treats yu way better than text messages and IMs and wants SECRET sex with yu. because that's what it will be a secret. I knw I sound totally parental but its from experience that I tell yu this

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    • It's true, you're so right about the only giving me text messages and IMs and having sex with me...like I'm not worth more..idk..

  • No its never ok to cheat I know how your feeling but you know that they are going out and that makes it event worse. don't try to find out if he likes you through sex just spend more time together and see what he does the way it sounds he probably couldn't resist you and he will realize what a mistake he made and probably want to back...o and its good to stay on the subject of him still caring about you because then he might spill more about how much he likes you

    if you have any questions add me and ask away

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    • I really like how you put that. That he won't be able to resist me. I'll make him not be able to ;) but I know he'll be expecting sex, I don't know how it's gonna go.. but yeah def ona my fav replies lol. Thanks.

    • No problem and thanks I try

  • You need to stop talking to him if he is still with that girl. I know it would be hard; but you have to think about it like this; how would you feel if he was talking to another girl behind your back and wanting to have sex with her? Just back off and if its gonna happen for you two to be together then it will happen. Move on with your life for now. Don't have sex with him or do anything with him. Have respect for yourself and HE IS RUNNING GAME ON YOUR BECAUSE its pretty much like his revenge. Move on, don't be the dumb girl that got played.

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  • He is just playin you sweetie! He is playin you hard core! all he wants is to have two boody calls! get out while you still can! you are way better than him honey! don't ever get with a guy that you KNOW cheats on his girlfriends! you are being really stuoid on your part! sorry to be blunt, the truth hurts!

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  • why were you a bitch to him?

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    • Because I get that comfortableness, where I think they won't leave me no matter what, as I know I wouldn't leave them. I wassss controlling. Idk, I've changed alot. I know I wouldn't let it happen again.

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    • I surely have..I hope.

    • You'll be ok then. I'm not saying that you'll get back with him, but you'll be ok.

      You learnt an important lesson. you won't do it again.

  • When yo say bitch, do you mean YOUR version or HIS version... I mean were you BEING a bitch, or were you CALLED one/ ... It makes a difference in the outcome*

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  • GIRL do not take the risk with him he's an idot forget him he's just using u

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    • It's a risk worth taking.. I seriously love the boy. I can't even look at anyone else and it's been over 6 months! He has been saying he never knows what could happen in the future...and that we're just friends now...but now he seems as though he knows he just want to be friends and have sex? idk..

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    • Hm...maybe I should just chill with him when the time comes, try things out.. but I know we will eventually have sex. it's without a doubt. So maybe try him out...see what I get from his body language and stuff, I guess talk to him about it?

      I just don't want it to be like how it was with the previous guy...that was terrible. Bloody hell. I was still in love, to the point where staring at his feet made me want to burst into tears. I wanted every ounce of him, but he didn't want any ounce of me.

    • Besides to have sex. Joshua is a different breed of guy though...Idk. Like now that I know what how a guy acts when he has remorse for cheatin on his girl.. I'll be able to tell. Who knows. Ugh. This makes me feel better I guess.

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