My girlfriend left me because she was scared she was in love with me and I'd leave her?

My long distance girlfriend dumped me a few days ago. It was fairly out of the blue but we hadn't talked much for a 2-3 days prior despite me trying to talk to her. The night before she got distant we had a long, thoughtful conversation. I asked "are you happy with me?" and she said "absoulutely" then told me she was sending a Valentines day present for me that should arrive any day now. The next day I tried to talk to her and she barely said anything. I asked if she was ok to which she replied no, her step dad was being an ass to her. The next day the same thing, then the day after and the day after that I asked "Is it me"?

She said not really. She said she thought we were stagnating and the distance was too hard. I said we only stagnated because when I tried to talk to her she brushed me off. We went back and forth then didn't talk the rest of the day. Later that night she sent me an article on how children of divorce love differently because she said it could explain some of the ways she felt. I asked if there was someone else, I told her I'd understand because of the distance but she swore up and down that wasn't the case. She said things were getting too serious and she was falling in love with me which she's never done with a guy before. She told me she was scared because she's stuck in her town for two more years while I go to the Army in a few weeks. She said I've always been there for her, I've always comforted her and that she can't imagine the day where I'm not any more. She said if one day she wakes up and I'm not there anymore she'll fall apart and if I died overseas that she wouldn't be able to cope.

I told her I'd never leave her and probably wouldn't see a lot of combat because we're leaving Afghanistan by the end of 2016 but she was crazy just thinking about it. She says she's doing this because she's never seen love work out and never thought she believed in it until she fell for me. I don't know what to do because I still love her. Help?
She said she wants to be friends but brushes off every attempt I make to say hi. I want her back so bad but cut her off and will send her a letter from basic after a week of being there. Until then I've started no contact.
Bump. I know it's a bit long but please, what should I make of this?

Valentines Day

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  • Her fear doesn't come from the risk of falling out of love or you disappearing, but the lack of control she feels.
    The more she cares for you the more of herself she is gambling.

    Solution? You need to become the constant. As you mentioned, she already feels youve always been there for her. Thats great.

    What you need to convay is that you will always be there in a romantic lovers sense (not just as a friend or brotherly way) whether she likes it or not. In this way, she is responsible for both stopping and ignoring communication with you, and thus gives her a better sense of control.

    Issues with this? You risk significant emotional strain on your belle by forcing your way into each day (of course, this assumes she hasn't said "im with someone else now or dont talk to me again")
    You also risk you getting stomped, because you are set for the fall.

    With luck, shell come to terms that you are worth the love, even if it doesn't last. After all, something that may not last forever can still be very beautiful.

    This is of couse only usefull if she isn't bullshitting you for the reason.

    • Byw, good luck with the forces

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    • If you do talk to her again (and you should), try to come from a place of need. Dont talk to her about why she feels shitty or how her day went. Talk to her about your day and the stuff on your mind.
      May help show that you do need her, even for mundane things, which plays into the more control thing

    • I've tried. When I talk to her though she seems to try and cut any conversation short. I want to text her and tell her I need her because I can't go through all these changes alone. I don't know what to say to her without seeming either needy or annoying but I also want to show her I'm here for her. I have no idea what to do.

Valentines Day