How can I get him back?

my boyfriend and I aren't officially broken up. he said he didn't want space and it was fine if I texted him. he gets annoyed if I text him too much or text him several times in a row.

we are great at talking when we are together. sometimes we talk for 1-3 hrs.

well last night he said "I'm done talking goodnight" . I guess he meant for the night. but now I don't know what to do. If I don't text him he's just going to think I don't care. If I do, I don't want to annoy him. I just want to see him and have everything back to normal but it seems like the more I try the worse I make it. help

Updates:
what makes you guys say this is near break up as oppose to just a bump in the road?
i guess I should explain this started when he pointed out he gets annoyed if I text him several times a row before he can even get to his phone or answer. I've been trying to work on it but I'm worried I've already lost him

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Most Helpful Girl

  • i don't see how this is near a breakup.

    basically from what you've said, it sounds like you're being annoying and he wants you to tone it down. that's all.

    what is there to get back?

    from all you've said, it sounds like you text incessantly and he gets tired of receiving like a million texts every time he checks his phone. perhaps he also doesn't like paying for it when it's not even anything important and you can talk about it later. and maybe he's not even a texting person to begin with.

    it doesn't seem to be an issue with space if he has said he doesn't want space, but just an issue with the fact that you text too much.

    him saying "i'm done talking, goodnight" probably meant "i am tired and need to go to sleep now, it's not like we're having a huge important relationship discussion here"

    so overall I don't know where you're getting this whole "lost him, need to get him back" thing from. stop texting 24/7 is all you need to do. I'm sure he likes getting random texts from you once in a while, everyone likes getting those, so if you text no more than twice the entire day, I think he's not going to get offended like you commented somewhere way below there.

    you make it sound like it's so hard to stop texting, like smoking or something. ya, it's a habit, but it's not so melodramatic. limit to 2 random txts/day, not one right after the other. make sure they're not over a page, but just short.

    if there is something really important, yeah, either text it or better yet call, but otherwise I agree, texting profusely is super annoying. just call if you want to talk.

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What Guys Said 3

  • madmisskelly is right, this sounds like the relationship is in bad shape. you can't do anything to "get him back", either it will work out or it won't. try giving him some space even if he didn't ask for it.

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    • Why do you say its in bad shape?

  • seems that he enjoys the simple quiet times of just cuddling, while you seem quite vocal.

    there are some people that are quite the chatterboxes, while others don't feel comfortable speaking for extended periods.

    learn to just quietly enjoy someone's company, cuddle and watch some TV, just because your with somone...does not mean you gotta talk their ear off.

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    • But when we are together we talk 1-3 hrs. no issues there

    • From whose perspective? maybe he talks just to keep up with you?

  • Several times a row? That can get annoying.. He is not your girlfriend, right?

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    • A boy can't be a girl. but he is my boyfriend.

      im trying to stop I guess I'm just impatient. its not a habit I can break in 2 seconds but I'm trying and he knows that

What Girls Said 11

  • Maybe he is trying to let you know that he does care about you, but, at the same time, he feels that you guys don't need to be in such constant contact all the time. Finding the right amount of distance in a relationship can be a hard thing to master-there is often too much, or too little-and finding that right amount is hard. I had a boyfriend that I lived far away from and our different lives made it too hard and I had a boyfriend that I lived with and we around each other so much that we wanted to end up killing each other. He does have a life outside of you, and he is wanting you to have a life outside of him; this doesn't mean he has completely lost interest in you per se, but that he is looking for this change in your relationship. Possible changes you could make are to start waiting until he contacts you first and start going out and creating a social calender that doesn't involve him. Good luck :)

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  • hmm it's been 10 days. if he can't handle a few texts, oh what will he do? it sounds like an idiotic thing on his part to mind text messages. text messages aren't as bad as someone cheating. if he's that anal about just a few text messages, I wouldn't want to be with a guy like that. it's a sign of insecurity or he might want to hide those texts from someone or he's genuinely busy but to break over text messages is lame .

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  • Could be a number of things. Maybe you aren't giving him enough time to miss you. I hate to get a text that says ''DO YOU MISS ME?" obviously not or I would have been the one who texted first. If you always ask where are you or what are you doing, that is really annoying. The worst thing about texting for me is I can't stand someone who wants to have a whole convo and sends 3 texts before I can even respond to the first one. For a whole year and half, I never called my boyfriend and never texted him. I always made him wonder and he would break down and call me.It keeps them on edge. makes it a challenge for them.Lets them know you have more to your life than just them. And actually REAL men like that

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  • One of the tell tale signs of a breakup is the feeling your describing. It just feels off. All you can do is continue on doing what you want to do. He can call you, he can text you. You don't always have to be the person initiating it. So he shouldnt get offended if you don't text or call.

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    • He does...

    • Like he doesn't initiate probably as much as he should be I have seen him ask me what's wrong when he feels like we don't talk as much

    • Tell him he's free to call you if he feels like you aren't talking enough.

  • in general, maybe you should try and relax a little, be a little more laidback and think less. it kind of sounds like you tend to overthink and overanalyze which I know, as a woman, comes naturally but sometimes it can sabotage a relationship. I can imagine (and have experienced) guys getting annoyed at that. sorry if it isn't too specific or helpful but yeah, it helps to be a little more "like a guy" in that sense sometimes (:

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  • First of all if you guys haven't officaly broken up that means he still likes you and cares about you.Me & my boyfriend were going through the same thing and what we really needed was space with a bit of space he will end up missing you and rethinking about the relationship. Say you want to text him just say a simple hey, if he doesn't text back just wait a little, that thing also happened that I would get impatient but if you truly care you'll be able to wait. But as I said he's probably still into you if you guys are together.

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  • Sounds a little aggressive on his part & kinda rude. If your in a relationship, he should not get annoyed. Seems as if his mind is elsewhere. If you don't feel like he's showing enough affection, then it's time to talk to him and if he doesn't get it together...on to the next one.

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    • Its one of his pet peeves. its fine now. its not like he stopped talking to me or w/e. he just got annoyed with me texting and texting and not giving him a chance to reply I guess

  • those are definitely signs of a near break-up, but to be sure call him or leave him a message to let him know that its time to sit down and have a little talk, because you feel that the relationship is withering away and you wanna hear it from him, in person if he doesn't wanna be with you. What he's doing is emotionally detaching himself from the relationship and maybe now would be a good time for you to do the same

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    • What are signs? like wouldn't signs be wanting distance? or not talking?

    • Show All
    • You may be the only one who ever picks up the phone to call/text him

      He may not put any effort towards the relationship anymore

      He probably changed his perception of you, like with the texting, he probably thought it was cute in the beginning but now he probably does think its annoying and that your too clingy

      He probably wants to be more independent, doesn't wanna spend every minute of every hour with you or texting/talking to you

    • As far as I know none of those are true. he said he has no issue with us texting just me texting him repeatedly. we have never been the couple to spend every hr of every day talking because we are so busy. if I don't text him he will call or text me. I definitely consider him meeting up with me to talk as still putting effort into the relationship and since we didn't break up id see that as effort to make things better...idk maybe its just me

  • Well, I can understand where he's coming from. I would also find that annoying. Give him a little space. Don't make it all about you. Let him come to you, instead of showing your desperation. And, just because you don't text him, won't necessarily make him think you don't care. Wait for him to text you, and text back only when he does. Don't clutter his phone with thousands of texts. That only shows that you're being clingy.

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  • i say when he's ready to talk to you, he will talk to you. don't force anything because it will make things worse. if you leave it alone, then there might be a chance that things will work out, but if you dont, you're going to be pushing him away more and more to the point where he doesn't even want to be bothered with it anymore. let it work itself out.

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  • Just say to him, Hey what you up to? and when he texts you back don't reply right away and wait like 2 hours. hell figure out that you want to talk but he's not your first priority. boys usually go for that stuff.

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