Is this a reason to leave my girlfriend?

So we've been dating for two years, when we met I was a virgin and she wasn't. Our relationship has been okay, but for the last year I feel like I don't want to be committed until I experience others. By that is that I don't want to be married with her in the future, and to be curious about intimate relations with other woman. Kinda hard to explain. But I'd really like someone else opinion on this. I would honestly like a long break, and to get back together for good. is that wrong?

Updates:
I told her I wanted a break, but didn't say for what, should I even tell her the truth?
in case anybody wants update, we did talk, and she chose that we work things out.I feel relieved that I got things off my chest, and we'll see what the future holds in store for us.Thanks to everybody that gave me their 2cents, in this case their 2dollars

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree with nilgai's comment about being honest with her. I know too many people that have stayed together and gotten married when they had feelings such as yours beforehand. They are now middle-aged miserable people that pretend to love each other even as they have their affairs. You owe it to her and to yourself to be honest about this.

    I was engaged twice to two different guys before I finally got married. In each case, I was the one that broke it off. It hurt them AND me but it certainly hurt less than wasting a lifetime only to find it wasn't right. When I first read your post, I thought here's a guy that really cares about this girl and is wanting to do the right thing... then I read your update about if you should tell her the truth.. and it makes me think twice.

    Do both of you a favor and tell her the truth, as kindly and honestly as you can. And listen to what she has to say too. She may have more insight into the relationship and your feelings than you realize. Whether or not you end up back together is not the issue. The issue is that you both end up with someone you can be honest with and care enough TO be honest with. If you don't have that in a relationship, the rest won't matter much.

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    • Thanks a lot for your input, as well as the example that you have provided. Two years is a long time, but I prefer breaking it off now than 30yrs down the road for the same reason. I'd love to talk to her about it, just don't know how she'll take it. I care a lot about her, but I don't wanna keep fighting with her when the root of the problem are my issues, and me keeping them away from her.

    • I agree totally that you do not need to be with her right now when you don't want to be. My thought was that you really need to tell her WHY. I'm sorry if I gave the impression that you should just bite the bullet. I meant just the opposite.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 16

  • I think a break or "break up" is inevitable in your case. Even if you decided not to break it off for now, these feelings inside you will crop up again eventually. I suggest you take this break, and tell her the truth. If you DO eventually end up back together then you will have at least have honesty as your basis. Please be aware that she may also begin dating again, and you will have to figure out a way to deal with that. Don't ask her back just because she is back on the market. You will be selling the both of you short. If and when the time is right to persue her again, you will know it. Your feelings of wanting to sow your oats will be gone, and if in the process of all of this, you may find the ONE that makes you want to settle. Take your time and have fun in life. Just be honest with her AND yourself. Good luck :)

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    • Thank for the advice, I've never even blogged (if this is what it is) before. It's just been really killing me inside, and like you said, if I suppress it, it will only show up again in the future, and maybe become more severe if our relationship becomes more serious. I do want to be honest with her, and I know it'll take a big toll if and once I am ready to be with her.

  • You are too young to be setting your sights on one woman and settling down. If you feel like you would like to experience other relationships, you should do so.

    However, don't do any of this just to have sex with other women. Sex is sex. Hey, it's fun, but sex with random partners is overrated. I know guys think differently about this in theory, but I have talked to players and PUA and the ones that pull tail just plain get bored of it. It's just a game that loses its thrill. The bigger thrill is finding the person you really feel a connection with and having amazing sex with that person. Be aware that you could take this break and find out your girlfriend is not available or interested when you decide you have had enough of your fun. If you are okay with that, then you should breakup (don't call it a break) and see what happens.

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  • There is nothing wrong with that. Let all the fun out of your system until you get serious. Be truthful to her.

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  • Your are not wrong for the following reasons:

    1. in long relationships sometimes we tend to get bored

    2. if you have dated only 1 person then yes we tend to wonder about other possibilities. it is not wrong because there is always a possibility there might be someone just perfect for you.

    3. but what if after searching, searching you come back to her. will she take you back then?

    4. by filling up the missing areas make this relationship the way you want it?

    Well, I would say just think it through again, ask yourself what you really want in a relationship and whether its there in your current one? (make the list realistic), if its not there then you should breakup. am sure who will meet someone just like the way you want it!

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    • Those are exactly the points that I think about. If in case we get back together, will she resent me? with she think bad of me? Will things be the same? I highly doubt it, I just can't see myself continuing this relationship and fronting with the way that I feel.

    • That is exactly why I have asked you to make a list off the things you want.

  • i honestly don't think you should give up a good thing because you want to know what its like with other girls.. I lost my virginity to my high school sweetheart of two years.. we broke up I went wild needless to say I mad soo many mistakes I wish I could take back.. but if you feel like you can't see yourseld marrying this girl then tell her the truth.. but say something like I just think I need some more growing up before I make anymore of a commitment so neither one of us gets hurt.

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    • Thanks a lot for the advice, and telling me about your experience.It really helps to see the other side.The thing is that I could see myself marrying her, but not anytime soon,and I don't want to be living a life with her under temptation.So I just think that I'm jealous about her having had other relations and me having none.I know its not her fault, and it kinda eats away at me.I do agree with you about not giving up a good thing,but its been bothering me for a while now. I don't want to hurt

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    • Just continue to look at it as if you had a choice to eventually find the "right" on or settle for less.. I don't think anyone should settle! and I think you should just tell her that if you love someone set them free.. ya know? be honest.. honesty will get you places if you word it right.. thin about you say before you say it.. sometimes the mouth speaks before the mind has time to analyze what's being said and it can be hurtful! but let me know how it goes!!!

    • Okay soo... you wanted to know how it went, I told her exactly what I felt, and was honest about everything. at first she stayed quiet then did start crying. so long story short I told her it was her choice to keep up with our relationship or just go our seperate ways. She says she wants to stick together, and that she'll help me in anyway possible.... I don't think that will be a solution, but I guess only time will tell. Thanks a lot for your advice though. really helps out

  • and yes you shoud tell truth! it will hurt her left like that without a reason and the truth!

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    • Thank you, now just gotta find a way to be open about it, I'm very introvert, hard to express my feelings

    • I would say say before you talk to her note down how and what you would say.

    • Yea, I did actually write some things down, so I wouldn't miss anything I wanted to say. so in the end, we are to stay together and work it out, She really wants it... so we'll see where we go from here. thanks for your input, lots of help

  • I would not want to be with a guy that wanted a break with me to experience other girls and then come back to me after having sex or relationships with other girls and then try to settle down. I would feel that I wasn't good enough for him and how would I know that later he would again feel like that again and he would leave me? I think you should break up because clearly you don't care to be in a relationship right now but I don't think you should have her on the back burner waiting for you until you feel you have experienced life and then try to get back with her.

    I think that is not respectful of her feelings and if you truly care for her you will tell her why you want a break. But I definitely don't think you should get back together. It is not fair for her.

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  • wow, almost every detail here reminds me of my ex and me. lol we broke up like 2 weeks ago.

    it was such a relief though. haha what a small world. I don't think you guys should try to work things out. go out and be free until you feel like settling down with the right girl. {i know I'm late with the answer lol}

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  • yup break up if you're thinking about having experience with others so you would'nt break her heart by cheating. but I cannot guarantee she'll be back with you though :)

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  • If I were you I would end it. Your young, enjoy it. There is no reason to assume that your first girlfriend will be the one you are with forever. You will change so much in the next few years, a commited relationship is tough at this time. Be honest with the women in your life. If you want to play the field do so, but don't lead anyone on. Be safe, you can learn a lot about yourself enjoying different relationships.

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  • Be a man...tell her the truth.

    I think it's sad that you would want to "play the field" just because you were a virgin before you met her and she wasn't.

    I don't think it's a GOOD reason to leave your girlfriend, but I think she would be better off without you since that is your mentality - let her move on.

    Good luck

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  • Be respectful and truthful to her. You two just weren't meant for each other. ^_^ Hope she'll come to an understanding.

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  • I don't think she will take you back even if you tell her the truth or not. That would really hurt even if it makes sense. You might want to talk to her about it, if you truly feel you want to do that and see how she would feel about it.

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    • I guess your right, ill never know untill I do talk to her about it. I can see myself with her, just I don't wanna be in the future like second guessing it, or being tempted. its hard to explain. And your right, she prob won't take me back, not sure what to do

  • I understand what your saying. The best thing to do is just tell her how you feel and you need time off. If she doesn't understand then there's nothing you can do about that but just do what you think is right.

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  • I think you shouldnt get back together. Don't take a break just break up and end it. You want to date other girls not her, so why be with someone when you want to be with someone else and you don't even know who that person is or if they even exsist.

    if you were in her position, how would you feel if she left you to be and sleep with other men just becasue she was curious, then she comes back to you after she's slept with and dated other men just becasue she wanted to try it out? relationships shouldnt be treated like a car.

    I just like you,only had one boyfriend and I was a virgin like u. BUT I never wanted to date other men or sleep with other men, and it never crossed my mind to be with anyone but him.We lasted over 4 yrs, and during all those years it never crossed my mind to explore or see how it was with anyone else.

    Thats why you should just break up and leave it at that. and yes it is wrong to want to break up w./ her to see/ sleep with other girls, then expect her to take you back for good. If you want her for good, you'd stay with her and stop wanting to see other girls. and ur reasong (no offense) is immature and a little slutty minded ( best way I could phrase this, sorry.

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    • I see exactly what your saying.... and it is from a totally different point of view. so it might be a little immature, but I can't find a way not to think about it. and if it was the other way around, we would be broken up a long time ago. so your right, I shouldn't be thinkin that way, and the way you describe does make it very wrong. wish it was more like your relationship where nobody else matters, but unfortunatley that's not the case...

    • Yeah. I'm sorry abouty the slutty comment. lol. but if you want to be with other girls then maybe she isn't the one, and ur just comfortable with her so that's why u'd go backto her and can see yourself marrying her. not becasue you really want to but becasue you think you could if anything were to happen. but that's still wrong for her to be your last choice.

    • I totally agree with you. I can't be mean and call the whole thing off. I've tried having her do it but she won't. I guess I do feel like she would take me back at anytime, and that's not good on her part, but she also doesn't realize that we could use the time apart, or that me with these thoughts are a hint of future break-up. I don't know anymore...lol

  • I would suggest talking to her about it. She might actually understand what you are saying and agree to take a break or to open up your relationship for a set time to give you the opportunity to experience other woman. If the sex is good with her though...I just want to warn you that the grass isn't always greener and you might lose a great thing. If you love her you have to communiate with her and give her all the facts. Work with her to see what your future could hold instead of trying to decide on your own.

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    • Wow, I can see it from another view. Thanks a lot for that. I want to talk to her about it, but she is also very "old-school" about relationships. I guess I wouldn't know until I tried, but I also don't want to hurt her, because I know it will. I am risking to lose a great thing, but how will I ever know if sex is good... obviously she can compare, but I'm stuck with assuming, and possibly for life...

What Guys Said 8

  • To be honest, I don't think you won't be committed enough to her. Maybe you love her, but not enough love to commit to a life-long relationship such as marriage. Or maybe, you don't want to stick with her as well. That does not sound like you are willing to spend the rest of your life with her; and therefore, I think it's best for both of you to split.

    Marriage is not a game; and if you want to... you know, have fun and not to be stuck with one person in your life, then you shall remember that when you grow old. They say, you only miss the thing that you don't have, what would you say if you had that thing and know that you let it go?

    I know from a personal experience that when a girl is gone, she's simply gone; and these says, you can't find someone who really "LOVES" you easily so when you find her, stick with her and never let go. The decision is all up to you, but if you decide to have that "break" you talked about, don't get back to her.

    Thank you.

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  • Having just 1 girlfriend your entire life is really, really, really hard to stick with. Just like you said you are having temptations and when you think of the near future you don't see her. Honestly, you are so young and in the prime of your life, if you think you can do better and/or find someone else then you should do it. And if it doesn't work with anyone else then maybe you can go back to her. Long story short, I do think a break from each other would help you. Plus, you will learn just how important she is to you, if you don't see her for a day, week, month, year even and it kills you to be away from her then that's when you know she is the one for you. Go live a little, if you don't do this you will never know and that will eat at you for the rest of your life.

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    • Thanks a lot for your advice, it really already is killing me. I'm glad you can see it from my side. Its not that I don't see her in my future, just the fact that I don't wanna live with something eating me away forever. Should I tell her the truth?

    • A 2 year relationship is extremely long for a couple yalls age..... I do think you should tell her how you feel and that you want a spontaneous lifestyle for awhile. I say tell her the truth. She may react badly but that is expected and understandable..... break ups are hard but a sense of relief and freedom comes with it and that feeling is priceless. Pretty much a high you can't buy.

  • Dude, if you break with her because you want to sleep with other women, she won't go back to you later.

    If you want new or different sex then first of all try getting that with her. You can try different positions, or toys, or tying one another up or playing roles (boss/worker, goddess/priest, teacher/student) or clothes (silk, satin, lace, leather) or mess around with food like jelly and ice cream and melted chocolate, and so on and so on. The list is long my friend.

    It sounds to me like you don't want her anymore. Maybe you're bored in your relationship and taking her for granted, or maybe you didn't want her that much in the first place but thought she was the best you could get, and now you think that you can do better. Whatever, the one thing I can guarantee is that if you split with her for women you haven't even got it together with yet, you're going to regret it.

    In a couple of months she'll have a new guy or guys and you'll still be on your own.

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  • If you marri her it won't last..

    it doesn't seem like you love her

    as much as you should to be

    commited a life term relationship...

    you have the rest of your life man...

    You don't even realize how long that's going to be hehe...

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  • If she told you d truth by her self and gave you good reason why she is not a virgin I think she deserve to be love and I even think she is good to be your wife

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  • You're not missing out on much doing other girls... If you can see yourself spending the rest of you life with her if I were you, I would never let her go...

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  • Go so some wild oats. Don't tell her why. it's natural to want to explore.

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  • dude no man wants his girl to be a slut, especially if he hasn't played the field. its natural, and don't let any girl tell you otherwise.

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