Should I keep trying or let go?

Hi I broke up with my ex because we were in a long distance relationship and it was really hard for me. I was in another country and feeling very lonely and it wasn't easy to talk to him due to time change but it wasn't hard for him at all because he had his friends and family there. I spent about 3 months telling him I was unhappy with the long distance to the point that he said that I needed to either stop feeling like that and be positive about the relationship, break up with him or that he would break up because he didn't want to make me unhappy and it was making him unhappy to see me like this... that I probably had a better chance to make friends here if I wasn't holding on to him and "home." So I broke up because he was right. We both cried and I told him I really loved him but the distance was making me really insecure and sad he said he loved me too and was very sad about the situation... but I contacted him again about a week after that and he told me that I needed to move on and be happy, find someone who would make me happy and that I wouldn't be able to move on talking to him - neither would he. He said we might get back together when I'm back if the situation is right, but that we shouldn't wait for each other because anything could happen. He said I needed to focus on myself and enjoy my last months here without thinking about us... So I stopped talking to him and it's been 3 months. I am going to be back home in another 3. A common friend told me that he still hasn't moved on and she thinks he is waiting for me. I feel like I don't want to move on either... I miss him so much and I think about him every day and I'm really scared he will move on right before I get there, but I don't want to be selfish. Maybe he was just telling me not to talk to him because he thought it was better for me, but it's not. I want to rebuild the connection before I'm back so that we have a chance to be together again in 3 months. What do you think?


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  • So I'm guessing that you want help getting him back? First of all have you done things to make yourself more secure without him? Are you happy and learning new things, creating a new side of yourself he's never seen? Could be a new language, a hobby, learning to cook etc. If not get started on that asap. Make yourself more captivating!

    Now I'm assuming it's been 3 months and neither of you have contacted each other? So the best thing to do here is to send him a text he would definitely respond to. It has to be interesting and funny, not too long or short, and definitely not a simple hey or how are you? This has to be the best text you've ever sent.

    Then after about a couple of weeks of texting everyday (start with 2 at first, then build up. Also always end the convo's on the high notes, and don't always be there whenever he wants a convo), try to move onto phone calls. After that try and meet up. Don't mention your past relationship. That is over. This is a new relationship and a new you. Make it better and you'll avoid having the same mistakes as last time. He might even move to be closer to you.

    • I haven't really started a hobby but I've been having a lot more work and I'm learning new things at work and I've finally made good friends here so I'm definitely in a better mood when it comes to feeling better about myself. I've also restarted going to the gym (I stopped about a month before the break up) should I find something else?
      No he's never contacted me and neither have I after the conversation where he said I needed to move on and not talk to him... I thought about asking him how his new job was going and if he enjoyed his trip to India with his friends. Maybe use a little inside joke about one of the friends who makes noises while he sleeps. But I also think it's kind of out of the blue and he might react like "why are you contacting me?" so I don't know... I don't really have an excuse to contact him without it being a little out of the blue. I'm scared he might just say something like "I need more time to talk to you" or something like that...

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    • Hahaha okay, let me use an example which might make a little more sense.
      Let's say i have an ex who was obessesed with GoT and NFL (which i know nothing about :/)
      You say: You're never going to believe what I've just seen...
      He asks what etc. (if not, just carry on)
      You just saw Peter Dinklage challenge a NFL player etc. (you can elaborate here). Then you watched as Peter outthrew the NFL player! Your ex would naturally want to challenge you and correct you. As there's no way that's possible etc.

    • hahahah ok I see... well I'll have to think of something then! thank you :-D

  • I think you should move on girl. You can't keep waiting because if you wait then he comes back and hurts you again , then you've waisted a big chunk of time. Move on , get someone better. I really hope this helps , pm me if you need to talk.

    • the problem is that he never hurt me... I was the one who told him I was unhappy when he was doing a lot to keep the relationship going (he even spent all his money to come and visit me once) the problem is that I felt too lonely and I thought that was because I couldn't see him... he's always been good to me and I broke up because I felt like I was making him unhappy. I feel that he's trying to do what's best for me telling me to move on but I know he hasn't. I'm just scared I might be the one hurting him again if we get back together with the distance which is why I'd wait until I'm back... I just don't know if I should tell him this first or if I should give him a chance to find someone better for him.

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