Should I somehow go after her, or should I just try to put it all behind me, and if so, how?

I'm going to try to be as vague as possible while still including all the relevant details. I'm in my early/mid thirties and recently got out of a bad relationship with a girl who was eight years younger than I was, so late twenties. You'd think that at my age, I wouldn't be so childish about it, but after the way it all happened, I can't help but being just a little bit petty.

We were close friends (or so I thought) for a few years before we started dating. However, we didn't really grow closer until after a combination of health and financial problems forced her to move back in with her family, a couple hours away. We kept in touch after she moved away via Skype and other internet tools before we started dating. Things got very serious very very quickly. However, she kept on canceling plans frequently at the last minute (which was a huge inconvenience due to the planning required as a result of the distance). My family loved her though and felt that she was perfect for me. What they did not know, however, was that she was a serious alcoholic, which was something I would have considered a dealbreaker, but gave her a chance regardless.

Anyway, a few months ago, I discovered there was another man in the picture and she was cheating. I tried to contact him because I wanted answers, but she somehow managed to convince him I was a "crazy stalker ex." He believed her story for a while, but eventually realized she was the one who lied, and after he confronted her, we both discovered there was a THIRD Man in the picture.

What made this all so hard was the knowledge that she managed to keep her dishonesty and this double life a secret from her family and friends, who all thought she was an innocent victim of circumstance. And the way my family was involved made for a lot of problems.

I want to move on and I want to put this all behind me. But there's a part of me that's having a difficult time with the idea of not getting back at her somehow before I do.
The question is, should I somehow go after her for it? Or should I just trust it'll bite her in the end somehow? And if I am to simply move on, how? It's so hard, knowing she's able to continue this trend hurting more guys, and that I'm just a name in her list of victims.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I would put it all behind you. It's not worth it. How? To be honest I'm still trying to figure that part out. I treated my ex like gold and we were together for two years. He treated me well in beginning but then came the lies. Once we got past that it got a little better. Even gave me a ring and talked about marriage multiple times. And 3 months after our split he's in another committed relationship. Which doesn't make sense to me when he wanted space and that he wanted to be a free spirit (that was one of his excuses) from one of our arguments. Our initial break up was from a fight that I thought would have been solved in a couple of days but our relationship basically ended without anything being said. I've never stooped to his level. Other than missing him I've left him alone. I'm trying to be the bigger person and let things happen. You don't want to make matters worse.


Most Helpful Guy

  • there's really nothing to do but to just move on. the only time to go after someone is if in their stupidity... they cost you something other than emotional hurt. and even then... moving on is still the best option.


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