I'm reaching my breaking point?

I have been going through the most stressful relationship of my life for the last 9 months... not because of my partner but because of things that her parents are doing, and not getting to talk or see her.. all of the emotions and stress are pushing on me, slowly breaking me down.. I don't know what to do or how to handle all of this stress. I let some of it out by venting with some of my friends and even got to talk to my girlfriend tonight for only about 20 minutes, but it didn't seem to help me much at all.. I just don't know if I can handle this anymore.. I do not want to end the relationship, because I feel the same as I always have about her, but it is just the situation we are in that is killing me.. How can I cope with all of this stress, and continue on with being myself.. Because right now I feel like a totally different person, normally I am very chill and I do not get stressed easily. But now I feel as if I am a total jerk to everyone around me all the time because I cannot get over my own problems.. I just want to be myself again, and have more confidence in my relationship..

p.s. sorry for it being so long... I tend to ramble on and on.. but anyways, if you want more info on the actual situation, check out one of my other questions: link


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow, just read your other question too. My first boyfriend was run through the wringer by my mom and family for a while. He didn't look or act the way they thought he should and thought I was too young (not quite 17 when I met him). But eventually, my mom really saw that he cared about me and would do anything for me, and she grew to really like him. He was basically labeled 'white trash' by them, regardless of how he truly was.

    She didn't prevent me from seeing him, except when I was grounded for being out too late or broke some rule, which made him feel like he was grounded too, LOL. She was as strict with him as she was with me, even though he was an adult at that point.

    Others in my family were hard on him and judged him, but they saw he was good to me and loved me. It didn't exactly win them over, but it got them to see I didn't really care about their judgement. They did eventually see his qualities and grow to like and appreciate him... it can happen, but I think my family was less unfair than hers is being.

    I agree that what her parents are doing is unfair and I don't blame you for being mad, but just ALWAYS take the higher ground with them, ALWAYS be the bigger man - be determined on this count! Do not let it push your buttons ever... you will earn their respect, at some point, even if you never get their approval.

    It's good your girl is telling you what's going on and not letting you believe the lies they are telling her to tell you.

    How far from 18 are both of you? I hope you can both hang in there until she is 18 and can choose what she wants for herself. However, if she is still living with them after 18, this will stay the same.

    It's sad these parents don't see that the very things they are doing to protect their daughter are exactly what's going to drive her away and make her vulnerable to a sometimes ugly world.

    I would protect my daughter from someone who was being hurtful or harming or using her. I would not push it to the point where I ended up driving her further into the guy's arms, away from me where I couldn't protect her.

    You said your parents got in on a call with the 2 of you and her parents... can your parents help in anyway? How do they feel about this?

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    • It just seems like no matter how maturely I approach this whole situation, they just have to make things worse for me and her.. They know that their daughter means the world to me, yet they pull us away from eachother.. I'm turning 18 in a few months, but she has another year to go.. And my parents do not really want to get involved because they respect the decisions that her parents are making, even though they have told me they do not like it.. I'm pretty much on my own.. Its killing me..

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    • Keep being mature, keep taking the high road and keep being the bigger man. It shows you have self-control and probably contadicts some of their objections to you. I hate to say this, but it also makes you the hero in her eyes and makes their unfairness look even worse - they know you are 'winning' because you are being mature about it and they know it makes them look bad.

      They know they are losing their daughter - keep taking the high road and don't give them any excuse to say 'told ya so'.

    • Thanks so much for the advice and being encouraging and not just telling me to give up or that it is not worth it. I guess the only thing I can really do is try to tough it out and just wait it out until she is 18 so she can move out with me.. But now that I think about that, I think about how crazy her parents really are.. I am starting to worry that her parents may not even let her do that.. I'll just try to keep strong. If you have anything else you want to share, please let me know. thanks

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What Girls Said 1

  • well hun... I bet you feel like you can't win... if it is stressing you out that bad and changing who you are... maybe you should break it off... at least untill the problem with her parents is over... then maybe once that is done..it can work out with less of the stress...

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