How much patience is enough?

I've known this woman for the 3 years of which we started off as friends and now are casually dating without an official commitment. We spend most of our waking hours together, at work and at each others places. We act like a couple, with one little hiccup, she has/is entertaining an online bf, she tells me she's going to break it off, but hasn't. When confronted about it she uses the "we're not a couple" defense. I have remained exclusive to her and turned other relationship possibilities away so I don't jeopardize what we have.

If it weren't for the fact she is my best friend and lover (and as corny as that sounds, we are both actually best friends), I would have told her where to go and, how to get there, however she is, and there lies the difficulty.

So simply put, I'm looking for opinions on whether or not to end this.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Before you do something so drastic as to "end" your long term relationship I think you should explore a few options...I agree with artisboy in that she is not being very considerate of your feelings and that is not the way we should treat each other...How would she feel if you where entertaining an on-line girlfriend? Even if the relationship is purely verbal, you two are at least somewhat committed and entertaining a boyfriend or girlfriend is, unless you're in an open relationship and it's cool with both of you, not acceptable for most of us...The "we're not a couple" comment bothers me...Tell her "DEAL" we are not a couple and make a new friend, I guarantee she won't like that one bit...Sorry, but sometimes we have to assist our mates by putting them in our shoes to help them understand how we feel...Have a long, deep talk about where your relationship is going...Are you two not a "couple" because you don't want to be? Are you afraid that if you take a step toward a stronger commitment that it will alter your relationship? Or are you each just hoping the other will bring up the subject...Is it possible that she is using the on-line boyfriend to get your attention, using that to motivate you toward a deeper relationship? If you two are truly best friends there has to be a better solution than running away from each other...But I think you have been a great deal more patient than I could be in your situation. Best of luck. Cheers!

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    • I've put it out there and willing to commit, she just seems to want her cake and eat it too, I'm not cool with the open thing and have told her it's she and I, not she I and someone else. I'm a patient guy and willing to wait for someone who I care about, but this is pushing it.

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 2

  • END IT and then celebrate

    A best friend that is considerate of your feelings, like she is being to you, doesn't sound like a best friend at all. For crying out loud, I could understand a best friend ignoring an unreasonable request. But if you guys have a "thing", it makes sense that she shouldn't be pursueing an online boyfriend, which sounds like this has been going on already (for far too long).

    In your shoes, I would be worried at first of losing a best friend... Then I would be scared about being lonely for some time. But ultimately, I think I would be jumping up and down that I don't have to deal with the drama anymore.

    ~ ArtistBBoy

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  • She seems selfish and childish. Only wanting things the way she sees fit. In my opinion, and as sad as it might be to you, it's probably best to move on if she's not willing to be exclusive with you and drop whatever it is she has with some "online" bf. This is one of the few times I feel an ultimatum is best.

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