Should I forgive my girlfriend for cheating two days ago?

My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost 8 months, we love each other deeply, and on a regular basis she tells me I'm the best guy she's ever known and how she wants to spend the rest of her life with me.

I found out last night that she cheated on me two days ago.

I confronted her about it and she was beside herself with grief over what she had done. She cried for hours. I made her tell me what happened and she said he entered her about 4 times and then she stopped it, got in an argument with him and left.

She says she'll never do anything like it again, and she seemed sincere.

I'm having a hard time with all of it but one of the things is that I didn't see any problems with our relationship, and she said that I hadn't done anything wrong. She says she doesn't know why she did it. How can she not? I would NEVER do something like that to her...

I need some advice please.

BTW, if you are wondering, I am 20 and she is 19.

Updates:
As far as more details go, she said she went there because she wanted to test herself. She said she had been having thoughts her other options. But when it started happening she became disgusted with herself and realized that I was all she wanted.
As far as how I found out, she told a her friend because she was needed help dealing with what she had done, that friend is also my friend though and told me within hours. She swears up and down that she was going to tell me.
I just found out that she is sitting at the restaurant where a couple of our mutual friends work. One of them just called me saying that I might want to come up there because they think she might hurt herself. She's apparently crying nonstop.
I didn't go to the restaurant, but I did see her later several hours later.

She finally told me that she kissed him first, she originally said he kissed her first.
I told her that there was no way I would forgive her or take her back until she gives me a real answer as to why she did this. And just because I need to get this off my chest, I hate this so much, I thought I would spend the rest of my life with her.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Dont talk to her for a little, you need her to know you're hurt and don't want to deal with it now...cheating will result in...well, more cheating...UNLESS you do something drastic about it right now, which is cut contact...call her in a week or 2 and say what's up...THIS IS ONLY IF YOU WANT HER BACK...

    right now you need to analyze your relationship...what went wrong, why did she cheat(and not she better not blame it on the al al al al al alcohol)

    what COULD you have done wrong - not saying you did but think

    be mature, handle yourself with care...in the end everyone wants to make THEMSELVES happy, for you, right now if she's the one that makes you happy, you're going to give her another chance...

    if you give her another chance you CANNOT, I repeat, CANNOT bring that up again you'll need to forget that

    BUT you can only forget that ONCE you trust her again and that is a hard thing to earn back...you think she deserves a chance, do it...but you cannot let her do that sh*t to you man

    you need to right now show her that you are hurt and you WILL NOT tolerate what she did...no one ever should

    as far as her "hurting" herself this is a cry for ATTENTION, you cannot go there...i hope to god you are not going there now...she needs to learn to control herself, do you want to be with someone like that? I mean woah...chill, I know she's upset, but I mean if she's going ot hurt herself, you need to sit her down and be a man and calmly say

    "hey, you know you hurt me real bad, real bad...i heard you were thinking of hurting yourself possibly? I don't know if that's true or not but look - I still care about you, but I'm not going ot get over this in one night, I need to trust you again and we all know it takes some time to gain that back, I need you to be strong and show me that you're mature, I don't want to hear that you might hurt yourself again, please...i need some space to clear my head, alright, ill call you in a couple of days" you can say as much of htat as you want, however you feel will work for you and you can add some stuff in there...but you're hurt man we all can see that...

    everyone deserves a second chance...people DO change, I am living proof of that...but hey you're hurt, take as much time as you need to evaluate your relationship and figure out if you really are in love with her, you are young I mean 2 years younger than me but still..could you see yourself with this girl forever? make her proove to you that she only wants you and she's got to get you to gain her trust back...

    if you need any more advice lemme know, just message me...hope this helps!

    my fingers hurt from commenting on other posts so ima cut this one off lol, good luck and keep ur head up my dude

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What Girls Said 4

  • Just because she cried doesn't mean she's insincere or manipulating you, and just because she cheated doesn't mean she doesn't love you. First of all, don't let anyone tell you that, because it's just wrong and ignorant.

    That having been said, you only found out about this last night; before you do /anything/, I suggest giving yourself plenty of alone time to think about how this discovery is affecting you. You've probably experienced (or are experiencing) shock; allow yourself to roll with that shock and then experience the grief and any anger or resentment you might feel. Take as long as you need to. Don't end your relationship, but don't give her a guarantee that you're staying in it, either.

    Once you think you've had enough time, have a sincere, frank discussion with her about where the relationship is going, about how each of you feels, and about whether or not (should you choose to continue the relationship) counseling is a good idea.

    She says she doesn't know why she did it--and that's probably very true. You both are incredibly young; perhaps it was just a momentary, youthful slip that she immediately regretted (she claims to have stopped him and ended it, after all). It's possible that she was just maliciously screwing some guy behind your back--if you found out about the cheating from someone other than your girlfriend, I'd give even more credence to this possibility--but don't discredit her claims immediately just because she's the guilty party.

    Still, whether she's sincere or not, you may or may not be able to continue this relationship after what she's done, and that call is going to be entirely up to you.

    Best of luck and I hope you feel better soon, man. As someone who's been cheated on by and eventually reconciled with the love of her life, I know it can hurt at first--but sometimes, the relationship does work out.

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    • She cried when he confronted her- that's a self pity cry. She is not crying about what she did but more that he found out. Now if she would of confronted him in tears that truly shows she's remorseful. I believe she luvs him but not enough to be faithful. You have good points here but you are sugar coating it.

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    • Pretty sound advice from this woman.

    • Squishybear- to what he is telling you can tell what kind of cry it is. I am not basing my answer on past experience- just telling like it is. People need to take responsibilty for their actions. Like he said she wanted to test herself. She was already having thoughts- no point in trying to work through that.

  • That's really tough sweety...Sorry you're having to experience this...I was cheated on once and it was difficult to deal with...I'm curious how she got herself in that situation? Was she drinking or doing drugs? Where was she and where were you? In your position I think I would need to know all the details...4 times or 100, cheating is still cheating and to me that's one of the most disrespectful and hurtful things you can do to a person...Especially someone you say "I love you" too. Give us some more details...

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  • The statement that she was just testing herself is something you need to pay attention to...That's saying to you that she is, obviously, having other thoughts and you need to protect you also... but...You just have to go through it the best you can...Though we answer you with the best intentions, we can't know your situation because we don't know the two of you...If she is a person that would hurt herself you have a whole other issue to deal with...You understand this? We all make mistakes. That's what makes us grow...Follow your gut and you will know what to do...Best to you both. xoxo

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  • Well here it goes. If she truly loved you she wouldn't have not gotten that far with the guy. You have only been to gether 8 months and already she has been unfaithful. Crying is just manipulation. She wants you to feel pity so you won't leave. My ex told me that he loved me and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. We were dating only a year. Well he had oral sex with a good friend of mine. She told me. He didn't until I confronted him about it. He cried like a baby. I dumped him. He was so sincere it seemed in how felt about me which int he end really was a crock. If I were you I'd move on.

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What Guys Said 3

  • In my opinion, no guy should ever stand for infidelity when they are innocent. If you do everything right, she has no reason to cheat and if she says you haven't done anything wrong, why the hell did she do it? How can she NOT know? Of course she knew, she just can't say it.

    What makes it worse is that everything she said (best guy she's ever known and wants to spend the rest of her life with you) no longer seems valid. The second a girl, no matter how great she is, shows she's a liability in anything major (I'm not talking about not being able to sew or fix a car here) then she's out. That's what I'd do but that's because I have zero tolerance for cheaters.

    They say everybody makes mistakes, however, some people make mistakes which are unforgiveable. It's up to you to decide whether you can trust her again and if you do, pray to every cosmic power out there she's worth it.

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  • Fuck it, I woldn't deal it, I've been with my girlfriend for a year and a half and if she were to cheat on me I'd leave her in a second. That is so f***ed up, If she went there to test herself who says if she's alone with a guy again it' won't happen again. If she cheats on you again it'll hurt much much more.

    BUT if you Love her with all your heart and only want her in life then stay with her and get over it hope with all your might that she'll change Love is Love nothing can change that.

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  • I think you should forgive her. She sounds pretty sincere. I don't know why the hell she would "test herself" either. But either way, it's up to you if your willing to forgive her. So long as your not going to use this against her in the future.

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