How long did u fall in love after your first reall breakup?

I recently went through a break up with my first real boyfriend , we dated for two years and i thought he was the one.. feels like i will never connect with anyone like i did with him. Please share your story, how long did it take u to fully forget your first real love and fall in love again?

Thanks a lot !


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The first ones were harder to get over than later ones, for a few reasons. The first time in particular, I didn't realize that I would feel the exact same about someone else later, it felt like it was some set of magical emotions that were unique to me and that partner. It seemed like some kind of 'special soulmate, destined to be together forever' kind of thing. So it felt like not only was I losing a partner, but that I was losing a 'soul mate', a perfect connection. Which obviously is not the case. Because I then went on to find a bunch of other people that I also felt that way with.

    The second thing that helped a lot was learning about the brain's biochemistry, and what is actually occurring in the brain during a relationship. That really helped me understand what was happening, and made me realize that the feelings that I was feeling were because of me, and not them. That all of it, all of my feelings of 'love', the feelings of pain from the break-up, all of it, was all internal to me, all caused by certain biochemical processes in the brain. Even the actual physical pain that i could feel in my stomach. That feeling of literal heartache. It was all just being caused by certain chemical reactions. Understanding them helped me a lot.

    One thing that you will need to know, to start a healing process, is that if you linger in your thoughts about him, if you try to maintain 'hope' that something could work out later, if this is just going to be a temporary thing and maybe he'll return, it will not get better. That will cause the chemicals to continue to be related to him, and continue to release when you think about him, and it will not let you get over him at all. So for you, the length of time it will take to get over the feelings of 'love' for your first partner will depend entirely on when you are able to actually let the relationship go in your mind, and accept that it is over and start to move on. Until that happens, the timer will not start. You will not properly be able to get over it, to properly start feeling those kinds of emotions for another, until you take steps to make sure your brain knows it is over, and that it has to move on.

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    • wow I love your reply! :) Thanks a lot
      I like what u said about the brain chemicals, I'm going to read more on that.. it makes sense I am in control of my own mind and should not let anyone else do it, I will meet other people. And yes I can proudly say that I accept that it's over, at this point I would not even take him back if he wanted to so yeah :)

    • You're welcome. That's nice feedback to hear.

      Send me a pm if you want to know more about the specific chemicals involved. I can try to explain it in a bit more detail if you are interested.

      Accepting that it is over, and making the decision that you wouldn't take him back anyway, is a very good first step. That will help the process for sure.

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What Guys Said 1

  • sorry for what happened.
    the real problem is keep blaming yourself or your ex for what happened and that's won't change anything except lead you to frustrated. instead of looking for new love.. look for yourself to clean the past mess and to know who you are and what do you want. you might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but you'll eventually arrive precisely where you need to be.
    find the courage to feel different, yet beautiful. find it in your heart to make your soul smile and forgive yourself.

    Good luck...

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    • thanks for the reply ! thats exactly what i am doing. I am def not looking for love and i am 10000% focused on myself at this moment, it's all i want. But, i guess i would find it reassuring to hear of people who did find love.. but for the next few years i would def just focus on me im so Young i need to figure me out first:)

What Girls Said 3

  • Honestly not long after solely because the relationship was already heading downhill and it was a very bad relationship towards the end but I wanted to be with him because I knew him and he knew me and I loved him. But then I met someone else who made me feel different and know what I deserved.. when you're in a relationship and you're so invested in them once you get out you can actually see what you were missing and look at your relationship from a birds eye view.

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    • how long did it take for u to fully get over him?

    • awhile but your feeling will stick for a bit but not exactly in the way of if they asked for you back you'd say yes

    • at this point i wuldnt take him back but i def think of him almsot every day and the memories echo in my head so i Wonder when thtll stop :P i think im over him as a person but its the memories that i remember and also there are still some 'wat ifs' and the thought of him with someone else makes me way too jealous

  • 3 years to move past the breakup, almost 10 to fall in love again.

    it's a long story, so i won't include all the messy details here. but i'm sorry to hear that you're going through this, and i hope that your recovery is a lot faster than mine was.

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  • I have never been in love , but i am lucky enough to be able to gain control over my emotions , and adapt to almost any situation or circumstances. So it does't take me long to get over any hurt caused by other people.

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