I recently went through a break up with my first real boyfriend , we dated for two years and i thought he was the one.. feels like i will never connect with anyone like i did with him. Please share your story, how long did it take u to fully forget your first real love and fall in love again?
Thanks a lot !
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The first ones were harder to get over than later ones, for a few reasons. The first time in particular, I didn't realize that I would feel the exact same about someone else later, it felt like it was some set of magical emotions that were unique to me and that partner. It seemed like some kind of 'special soulmate, destined to be together forever' kind of thing. So it felt like not only was I losing a partner, but that I was losing a 'soul mate', a perfect connection. Which obviously is not the case. Because I then went on to find a bunch of other people that I also felt that way with.
The second thing that helped a lot was learning about the brain's biochemistry, and what is actually occurring in the brain during a relationship. That really helped me understand what was happening, and made me realize that the feelings that I was feeling were because of me, and not them. That all of it, all of my feelings of 'love', the feelings of pain from the break-up, all of it, was all internal to me, all caused by certain biochemical processes in the brain. Even the actual physical pain that i could feel in my stomach. That feeling of literal heartache. It was all just being caused by certain chemical reactions. Understanding them helped me a lot.
One thing that you will need to know, to start a healing process, is that if you linger in your thoughts about him, if you try to maintain 'hope' that something could work out later, if this is just going to be a temporary thing and maybe he'll return, it will not get better. That will cause the chemicals to continue to be related to him, and continue to release when you think about him, and it will not let you get over him at all. So for you, the length of time it will take to get over the feelings of 'love' for your first partner will depend entirely on when you are able to actually let the relationship go in your mind, and accept that it is over and start to move on. Until that happens, the timer will not start. You will not properly be able to get over it, to properly start feeling those kinds of emotions for another, until you take steps to make sure your brain knows it is over, and that it has to move on.0