Why has my boyfriend suddenly decided he doesn't want a relationship?

I'll try and keep this brief.

I met my boyfriend via a mutual friend (I am 22 and he is 26.) We met a few weeks before I was due to move abroad. Although we had an instant connection, we agreed it wasn't right to start anything before I moved. My move did not go to plan and I had to move back home after 3 months (we stayed in touch throughout.) As soon as I came back, he wanted to start dating.

Things progressed between us quickly (we slept together on the 3rd date (my first time) and we said 'I love you' on the 5th.) I knew all along he had a very stressful job which took up a lot of his time, so we only saw each other a few times a month, but kept in contact via phone and email etc very frequently. I had never met anyone like him before- he was so open with his feelings, honest and loving. We are great together in every aspect.

Recently, his job has been particularly time-consuming due to a project and lots of travelling. Out of nowhere, he has said that he cannot maintain a relationship with me anymore, but still wants me to be a part of his life. I asked him what that would look like? Casual hookups? friends? him calling me only when he is free and me having no expectations of him? He said none of these would be respectful or fair to me. We both still love each other, we've said this, but he will not move from his decision.

I can see that he is consumed by his job and other responsibilities he has at home and with his religion etc. but why is he convinced that any form of relationship with me would be a burden/inconvenience? Should I sympathise with him? Should I feel bitter? At the moment, our contact is limited and he is away travelling with work for a few weeks. All I can do is cry- I really did not see this coming from a man who was so sensitive and affectionate and it seems such a waste of a good and rare thing.

I would love to hear opinions from both men and women who have perhaps been in similar positions
NB: We were together for 5 months when this happened.
To clarify- he lives with his mum after his dad died a few years ago. He is definitely single.


Most Helpful Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • He's probably stressed with the things in his life right now and sees he's not devoting enough time to you as a boyfriend, so he wants to end things until the point he can again. I've been through a similar thing before, just be patient and understanding with him.


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What Guys Said 2

  • I'd say it's because he loves you that he is ending it - it is tearing him up inside that he can't be with you because of his work. Rather than have a drawn-out deterioration of the relationship, he is trying to end it quickly and decisively.

    It's not that it's a burden or inconvenience, it's that it cannot be the relationship it should be and that you both deserve with him not able to devote the time and energy to it.

  • Mmm. Maybe he feels as though he's not good enough for you. He's always traveling, right. He is consumed with his job. And he basically said it, no? He said it wasn't fair to you to not be able to spend the time. The only option is for him to get a different job. And clearly, he doesn't want to do that.

    You tell me. How could such a relationship not be a burden or inconvenience?

    But yes. I smell a player, as some of the others do, as well. Something smells off.

    The only similar-like position I've been in is having a fiance go to the Army. But that's really only experience with long-distance, to which I can say--very much--does not work out. Spending time with someone is a very important quality in a relationship. If the time simply can't be spent, then it is a burden or inconvenience, in my opinion.


What Girls Said 2

  • Something doesn't seem right... Do you know for sure he was single? Where is he from?

    • Definitely single. His parents are Indian, but he's British born.

    • Show All
    • I am white and I really thought this might be the problem at first. However, since his dad died, his mum has realized life is too short to not be happy and wants him to choose.

    • in his religions eyes he is now the man of the house then and may feel he needs to set an example. My experience in this is there is usually a woman he has had chosen for him come on the scene and its easier to walk away as a break up and tell a random lie than admit the truth that they are having to do something they dont want to...

  • Recently was in a similar situation only I broke up with him as he became distant claimed he was always "busy" stressed and had a lot going on, stopped seeing me as much and made out he was depressed when in the beginning he idolised me and said he wanted kids marriage and asked me to be his girlfriend within 2 weeks.. I then found out he was secretly online dating.. Sounds like he's using an easy excuse, you don't give up on someone your in love with that easily sounds like he's either a skilful player or his feelings changed. It's hard to accept because of the complete change in feelings but honestly you deserve better


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