How do I deal with my temporary break from my girlfriend after a long relationship?

I have a temporary break (one month) with my girlfriend, because she said she had things to think about. She was a little grumpy lately and this is the first relationship for both of us. I on the other hand did not want a break at all. We almost never have a fight and we think alike, but she still seemed down and blunt lately. She told me I did not deserve to be treated that way. I know I deserve someone who is nice for me, but she is nice for me. She is beautiful, smart and can make me feel so much at ease. She has asked me if we were soulmates and told me many times she loves me, but now she wants a break? I am just so confused. I don't want to lose her and now the feeling that she might leave me is eating me up inside. One week has passed now and after one month we will draw our conclusion. Please give me your advise how to deal with this break and how I can save our relationship.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Give her space. I want you to take a look at yourself and your behavior in this situation. This is your first relationship, so you don't know the rules. I know it sounds so pathetic, but there are rules. The more available you are to getting your heart broken, the more easily you're going to get your heart broken. Understand? She probably thinks she can do better, cruel but true. Show her she can't.
    Do this. Clean yourself up, dry your cheeks, and turn off the freakin' Adele (just kidding, but seriously, no mopey music). Go out, do things without her. Clear your head of her. Cheer yourself up, hang out with friends who are gonna bash her. If you have friends she doesn't like, hang out with them. The idea here is to make her realize that you can live without her. Don't text her, don't message her, don't stand outside her house in the rain. If for some reason she's around, check your phone and grin. Let her think you've got other things going on. Let her imagination go absolutely wild. For a little while her pride will get the best of her, she won't contact you. But after a while she won't be able to stop herself. This is the game. You've got to play it.
    And when she comes back on her knees all crying and sniffling, keep playing. Be smooth about it, but attentive. Listen to her when she speaks, if she wants to hang out, tell her you might be able to do that. Maybe.
    But what it all comes down to is you placing value on yourself first and foremost in your life, and this is a fake it til you make it situation. She will NEVER value you until you insist that she does. And if she doesn't, leave her behind. There are a thousand of her, there's only one of you. She's replaceable, you are not. Make that clear.
    Good luck with this and remember, she won't want you when you're calling her crying. Act like you don't need her, and she'll be calling you.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's difficult when you don't really know what's going on in her head. If she's been moody recently she might be having issues that she hasn't shared with you, probably because you're part of the issue. In my experience, women who say "you don't deserve to be treated like this" don't actually mean this. They're taking the route of the martyr, so that their decision to dump a guy seems like a noble sacrifice. So that it's like they're saving the guy from their own terrible nature, when all it's really about is that the girl just isn't into the guy anymore but isn't into breaking his heart. Better to rip the bandaid off quick without any delusions in my opinion.

    Normally, I'd recommend trying to talk and figuring out what's wrong, and trying to see if you can work through whatever the issue may be. However, if she's at the point where she's deciding to "take a break" it might as well be too late.

    You can either try to work through whatever problems you have or just break it off, there's no point in remaining in a limbo state.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Normally when women say they want a break, they want to slowly end the relationship. I think you should talk to her how the 1 month break is affecting you, that you would like to help her dealing with whatever problems she has in mind. Talk to her friends and see what's the main reason. Good luck

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  • Keep busy! The time will pass more quickly!

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  • If you pressure her after only a week you WILL lose her!! Try to respect her wishes. Even if she does break up with you after a month, mentally prepare yourself for that. Spend this month focusing on you. Spend time with you. It's an opportunity to be selfish. To not answer to her. I'm not saying cheat on her. Just enjoy your time alone :) but by no means try to talk to her. Don't be clingy. Dint break up with her because that will make you seem bitter and immature. Focus on you!!

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What Guys Said 4

  • Honestly, 9 out of 10 times when a girl calls for a pause of a relationship without a credible reason, it means she is falling out of love.

    You story is akin to that of my friend whose girlfriend of 4 years asked for a break. I told my friend, the pause doesn't make sense and that his relationship with his girlfriend is over. Two months after the relationship ended.

    There is a theory in social psychology that a person is more likely to share their worries with an entrusted significant other. Your girlfriend has not done that with you. Instead she has chosen to take time off a relationship. That's a euphemism for I am breaking up with you.

    Right now, this is what you should do:

    #1 DO NOT contact her during this one month period
    Since she is the one who has asked for a pause in the relationship, she has all the trump cards. Any attempt to rescue the relationship could bolster her resolve to explicitly end the relationship.

    # 2 Adopt military silence
    That is no information about your state of mind and well-being should filter to her, and no information about her should filter to you. Do not check any of her social media posts and updates. Out of sight is really not out of mind.

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  • I don't want to be a downer, but I think some women use the 'I just need a break" line to make a break up softer.
    I've heard it a couple times, and they never even intend on coming back.
    Don't expect her to come back.

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  • I say she is feeling out of line... This is not a good thing that she wants a break...

    I say breakup with her now...

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  • Assume she has ended it with you.

    Cut contact with her without setting a date and if she contacts you just invite her out somewhere...

    That's all you can do.

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