I have a temporary break (one month) with my girlfriend, because she said she had things to think about. She was a little grumpy lately and this is the first relationship for both of us. I on the other hand did not want a break at all. We almost never have a fight and we think alike, but she still seemed down and blunt lately. She told me I did not deserve to be treated that way. I know I deserve someone who is nice for me, but she is nice for me. She is beautiful, smart and can make me feel so much at ease. She has asked me if we were soulmates and told me many times she loves me, but now she wants a break? I am just so confused. I don't want to lose her and now the feeling that she might leave me is eating me up inside. One week has passed now and after one month we will draw our conclusion. Please give me your advise how to deal with this break and how I can save our relationship.
- We are going to get through thisVote A
- We are not going to get through thisVote B
Most Helpful Girl
Give her space. I want you to take a look at yourself and your behavior in this situation. This is your first relationship, so you don't know the rules. I know it sounds so pathetic, but there are rules. The more available you are to getting your heart broken, the more easily you're going to get your heart broken. Understand? She probably thinks she can do better, cruel but true. Show her she can't.
Do this. Clean yourself up, dry your cheeks, and turn off the freakin' Adele (just kidding, but seriously, no mopey music). Go out, do things without her. Clear your head of her. Cheer yourself up, hang out with friends who are gonna bash her. If you have friends she doesn't like, hang out with them. The idea here is to make her realize that you can live without her. Don't text her, don't message her, don't stand outside her house in the rain. If for some reason she's around, check your phone and grin. Let her think you've got other things going on. Let her imagination go absolutely wild. For a little while her pride will get the best of her, she won't contact you. But after a while she won't be able to stop herself. This is the game. You've got to play it.
And when she comes back on her knees all crying and sniffling, keep playing. Be smooth about it, but attentive. Listen to her when she speaks, if she wants to hang out, tell her you might be able to do that. Maybe.
But what it all comes down to is you placing value on yourself first and foremost in your life, and this is a fake it til you make it situation. She will NEVER value you until you insist that she does. And if she doesn't, leave her behind. There are a thousand of her, there's only one of you. She's replaceable, you are not. Make that clear.
Good luck with this and remember, she won't want you when you're calling her crying. Act like you don't need her, and she'll be calling you.0
Most Helpful Guy
It's difficult when you don't really know what's going on in her head. If she's been moody recently she might be having issues that she hasn't shared with you, probably because you're part of the issue. In my experience, women who say "you don't deserve to be treated like this" don't actually mean this. They're taking the route of the martyr, so that their decision to dump a guy seems like a noble sacrifice. So that it's like they're saving the guy from their own terrible nature, when all it's really about is that the girl just isn't into the guy anymore but isn't into breaking his heart. Better to rip the bandaid off quick without any delusions in my opinion.
Normally, I'd recommend trying to talk and figuring out what's wrong, and trying to see if you can work through whatever the issue may be. However, if she's at the point where she's deciding to "take a break" it might as well be too late.
You can either try to work through whatever problems you have or just break it off, there's no point in remaining in a limbo state.0