Need help getting ex out of my mind?

I posted something similar not too long ago, but could still use some help. My now-ex and I of 4 years broke up recently. I ended things as I realized that she wasn't the right person for me - it dawned on me that she only wants to be in a relationship when it is convenient for her... in 4 years she broke up with me about 7 times... I won her back by giving her what she wanted. When I asked her to give me what I wanted, which was something she asked me to give her a few months ago, and I did, she said she was fine with breaking up.
I don't miss her, but I do miss having someone to talk to. For some reason, I can't get her out of my mind. She said many rude things before we broke up. I took the path less traveled, and didn't attack her back - it seemed immature.
Now, I can't stop playing back the conversation. More importantly, I can't stop myself from thinking about what I would have said to her had I chosen to act in an immature manner.
I have multiple important deadlines to meet, and the breakup has become a hinderance. I could sure use some advice.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Do these in this order.

    1. Catch yourself when you get started on that rabbit hole of thoughts.

    2. Immediately clap your hands and say outloud, "Stop". This will immediately draw your focus to the moment and will silence the thoughts.

    3. Give yourself thoughts you want to think, by saying them outloud to yourself. For example, when thinking about what you would have said in the fictional argument.

    Catch yourself. *claps hands* "STOP!". Take that moment to just be aware of the new focus, then outloud say, "She was just reacting out of hurt emotions. She didn't mean what she said and I know that she probably regrets it".

    Regardless of if that's true or not. Tell yourself this anyways. Because right now your brain is not your friend and that's why it's causing you problems. You need to get it back in your side and to quiet your thoughts, so that you can control how you think. How you think dictates your beliefs and how you feel. So get this in order first and accept what happened.

    • As a side note.

      It's ok to miss someone and not want them back. You two had good times at one point and it's not bad to recognize that

    • Thank you, this certainly does sound like a good tactic.

What Girls Said 1

  • I don't get it, if u don't care for her anymore and don't miss, ... I mean, if I could care less for a person than that's just what it is..


What Guys Said 1

  • How are your friends, did you try spending more time with them?

    • I've gotten in touch with a few. Unfortunately with my busy schedule, it's difficult to plan things. I am meeting with a family member who I haven't seen in years. Due to how possessive my ex was, I lost a majority of my friends.

    • That can happen... You really would do well to build a new life now she's gone. Try to get in touch with friends you lost touch with and make new ones - if you have interests/hobbies, try doing a class on it or join a group, it'll take time but it's worth it!

    • Thanks for that! I am focusing more on my studies right now, but I have contacted a few friends so that we can get together and catch up. I'll likely be visiting a friend in the UK, so I'm sure that'll get me focused on something else.

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