How do I get past the resentment I feel towards my ex husband?

I never thought I'd ask this question, because usually I'm pretty good at releasing emotional pain, but the bitterness and resentment I feel towards my ex is really deep seated and any minor trigger that remotely reminds me of him sets me off and I am ready to fight even though I have a calmness about me that keeps me from doing so entirely. Anyway, I feel like he chased me away and provoked my leaving, and well, after I left he admitted we aren't compatable. I loved him so much before and now it's like I hate him. He wasn't honest with me throughout our marriage and I've never felt so duped before in my whole entire life. I got my fight on but he would destroy anything good that happened and as much as I was fighting to save our marriage, he was fighting just as hard to end it.


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  • Well, its too bad that this even happened to you ! I have adopted the " don't let yesterday hold tomorrow hostage " frame of mind. You have to accept what happened, you are better off and people always get what they deserve good or bad... I know easier said then done, try this... focus on the memories, the guy, the situation feel those feeling one more time really take a moment and relive the worst think about the sensations but before you do promise yourself that afterward there is no going back..

    • Thank you and I refuse to go back. All I can do is move forward but it's hard to move forward emotionally when all I've experienced in the past 6 years of our marriage is pain, day in and day out. Everyday. I just had enough and our marriage wasn't improving, just getting worse so I decided to separate myself from him for a month while still living together and I felt better already. That's when I decided it's time to leave for good. But what I don't understand is why he would "punish" me at all. I didn't do anything and never cheated even when I could have.

    • I'm more concerned about the triggers I feel because I want to go into fight mode, but I hold back a lot.

    • That is a real bummer but you are still thinking about it... I know it's hard to do but you have to stop letting those thoughts affect you today... I know you will let it go eventually that will be a good day... Good luck !!!

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What Guys Said 9

  • Just remember that he isint a part of your life anymore. You gotta move o. Bc im sure he has. like the great Buddha once said, holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

    • I remember hearing that somewhere. It's true too... negative feelings is poison to the soul. I don't have a problem letting my ex go. I've already let him go, and my Dad isn't helping much either because he's trying to get me to go back.

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    • I usually start thinking of other things when bring up religion.

    • No problem

  • Bitterness , resentment & hate are corrosive , despite the fact my ex was lazy , unappreciative & always complaining , there was a silver lining... my 2 little people in my picture , yes my life is restricted in some respects as a single dad ( I cannot date if I wanted to for one example... good job I don't ) It's hard to drop the past , but you have to if you want a life worth living.

    Read my question i lately posted here.
    I can't really give my opinion without knowing details about what happened in you marriage but you can read what happened in mine in the question and you can read more details on how i am acting towards all that.
    And if you need more help please PM me and i would be glad to help or listen.

  • Over time, you will get past it. Being around good friends (male and female), will help a long way towards healing those wounds. Although, I've been divorced and the hurt from that still stings some, the closest to the purposeful hatefulness I've ever experienced was a really bad boss.

    After 2 years working for that a-hole, I was able to leave. Even today, after 9 years I still remember his garbage he pulled. The best thing to do though is move forward and FACE forward. It is possible to go forward but still look back. Do your best not to look back and enjoy each day without him around to make your life worse. You have a LOT of life to look forward to!

  • Find a guy who lasts longer than a minute.

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