How do I move on after being dumped?

I was in a relationship with a guy for almost two years. During this time, he hurt me on more then one occasion, not physically, but emotionally. He put me down, made me feel like ever fight was my fault and no matter how hard I tried to make him happy, he would always find something to argue about. He threatened to leave me for a while, and a couple of days ago, he finally did. He said I was causing too much drama and stress in his life. Despite everything that has happened, I am heartbroken. I could cry all day and all i want is to fix this. A day after the breakup he informed me that he did not want contact for a month, afterwards he would be willing to communicate with me again. Everybody tells me I am better off without him. But how do I stay strong? How do I not talk to him again, when the month is over? I am starting therapy soon, but I am grateful for every additional advice.


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What Guys Said 2

  • The following worked for me. It could work for you too.

    # Step 1
    The first thing I do is embracing I cannot switch off my feelings for her like a switch light. Recognising my inability to effect a desirable change is itself relieving.

    # Step 2
    I feel the hurtful feelings of breaking up rather than diverting attention from them. It doesn't matter if it takes a day, week or month. Diverting focus from the hurtful feelings only decelerate the recovery process.

    # Step 3
    I accept she is no longer with me, instead of nursing hope and fighting for her to come back. This is the biggest mistake I made in my first breakup. It only heightens the pain and prolongs the recovery process.

    # Step 4
    I focus on the good memories she brought to my life, and on things I would have loved to experience with her. This shifts my mind from hurtful to positive emotions. The mistake I made with my first breakup is I focused on her frailties to convince myself she wasn't beautiful enough. I was merely lying to myself because if she wasn't good enough I won't have been with her in the first place.

    # Step 5
    I remove items (e. g. clothes, cosmetics, pictures, etc.) that I associate with her. I also block and delete all her phone number, email address and other forms of communication like whatsapp, etc., including the contacts of some of her friends.

    # Step 6
    While carrying out the above five steps I engage quite a lot in activities, such as meditation, running, gym and strolling in the woods and park. I set important activities to do daily, and focus on completing them.

    # Step 7
    I draw inspiration from my first breakup. I flash my mind back and challenge my behaviours and thoughts. My world didn't crumble. I dated beautiful girls after that. I then flash my mind back to current breakup. It then suddenly changes my perspective, confidence and mood. It's like telling myself I have been through this before, and came out stronger 6 to 12 months after the breakup.

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  • People that tell you you are better off without him don't really help at the moment - you probably know that already and don't need to hear it from other people. Just know that they are people who care for you and value you, and are just trying to help.
    To me it sounds like this guy knows that he can do whatever he likes and you will be there regardless - whenever he decides he'd like to see you. He is in control.
    The best thing you can do is take things slowly. Take the day an hour at a time and do things that make you feel good about yourself, try not to dwell on things you'd like to say or wish you'd said - this is a natural thing to do so don't beat yourself up if you do, but if you find yourself going around in circles get busy! Keeping busy will help pass the time and help you get you life back. Therapy will help and get there as soon as you can, but you'll probably find rekindling old or existing friendships more fulfilling. Start building your individual life again.
    Avoid contacting him when you are vulnerable or down. You need to get your confidence back so you can deal with him on your terms rather than his. If you are waiting around for a text message or call from him that never comes block his number for a while. At least this way you'll know not to expect any :-) He'll also get a big shock if he constantly gets sent to voicemail.

    Whatever happens know that you are a worthwhile person with people who care for you.

    Good luck and I hope this helps <3

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