What the hell am I supposed to do with my dead beat (ex?) boyfriend?

My long distance boyfriend hasn't visited me once in the last six months after quitting his job. He hasn't found a new job since the original offer fell through. (It wasn't set in stone when he quit, mind you. It was just a "maybe this'll work out.")

We live approx ~2 hours away and I've done 99% of the driving back and forth in the last year. Our anniversary passed and he hardly acknowledge it. Valentine's Day went by with nothing. Before this, I made a point of driving to see him on his birthday to give him his birthday/christmas presents. My birthday last year? He couldn't be bothered to come for the weekend. I told him in January that he needed to get his shit together and figure it out because I've been driving back and forth with little to no effort in return

I gave him until March to figure SOMETHING out because all he does is sleep, play video games or hang out with his friends.

Until he quit his job we were planning on getting our own place and "growing up". I've held up my end of the bargain, I've been saving and working my ass off for the last six months.

He's not a bad guy. Aside from arguing about the distance and his lack of effort, we're best friends. I don't want to give up on him but I've been waiting months for some sort of change. I work 40 hours a week, the last thing I want to do when I get out on Friday is spend two hours in my shitbox car driving to see someone who has shown me that building a life together isn't his priority.

Am I an asshole for wanting out of this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • In every relationship it's like rowing a boat, but each of you have a single oar out your side of the boat. If only one is rowing, where are you going?

    You're not an asshole for wanting out of this relationship. You've pointed out multiple things that aren't working - even after giving him numerous opportunities to show he loves you and actually WANTS you.

    Sounds like you've made up your mind. Find someone closer who's willing to row WITH you instead of against you or not at all! You deserve a LOT better than what you have with this guy.


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What Guys Said 3

  • No your not. If I was you I would quit going to see him. He has been putting you on the backburner before he lost his job which doesn't make since to me. I'm not surprised he hasn't bought you anything because he doesn't have any money coming in. He seems to enjoy life of being a bum. Don't enable him by driving to see him every weekend and buying him stuff. Make him miss you and desire you. Call him less don't see him and see if you get a positive response. If not the month is almost over let him go.


  • If he's your ex, nothing. You don't need to see him at all and he doesn't need to see you.

  • Sounds like a bum... dump him.. all you'll end up doing is support him.


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