My ex broke up with me 3 months ago but wants to be friends. I still have feelings for him. I try to ignore him, but he
follows me around, he calls me constantly and tells me he wants my company etc.
He ditched me.. well, not ditched, he was just ambivalent about me.. and wanted to play the field a bit.
He is persistent in his contacting me.
I told him there was bitterness on my side and he couldn't understand. He keeps sending texts now asking what I mean and seems genuinely upset that I am unhappy with him.
He also continues to call me pet names, compliments me and remembers everything I say/have said. He rings me very late i.e. 11, 12pm and always waits up for me online.
It's excruciating as I still have feelings for him, but I'd never ever get back with him.
I want to be one of those people who can be mature and friends with their ex... but I am resentful of the way he broke up with me (a couple of weeks before he did he told me he was still in love), and while my heart wants to see him.. my mind would prefer it if I didn't.
I find it excruciating chatting with him and face that he will eventually introduce me to/talk about his new girlfriend but also excruciating without him. When we don't see each other, I miss him so much.
He told me he'd be so upset if we stopped talking and he thinks it would be immature after 3 years together.
What to do? If not be friends, how do I break it to him? I don't want to build his ego too much (he is easily cocky).
My friends have told me he's an idiot and I should just forget him, but he seems genuinely wounded when I do not talk to him. His amount of phone calls is also insane for an ex.
Most Helpful Girl
Every post like this I've ever seen on the internet always has a million girls in the same position responding (myself included). While it's nice to think that you can be friends with an ex (and you can- eventually), people do this when they're sure enough to break up with you but not so sure that they might want you back later.
It's obvious he cares about you, but for whatever reason doesn't want a relationship right now. He might be confused, and whether consciously or unconsciously, he wants you around in case he changes his mind. He will never make up his mind as long as you are there for him when he needs you to be.
You deserve someone who is sure, whether it's him or the next guy. How to break it to him (if you feel you have to)? You tell him straight up: "It's obvious you want me around, but unless you know what you want, it's probably better that we just both move on. It's not fair to me for you to try and have it both ways."
He'll likely respond that he just wants to be friends, to which you ask "how many female friends do you text and phone and call pet names every night?" The only people on earth that flat out say to another party "let's be friends" are kindergartners on the playground and unsure parties trying to leave relationships because they don't know what they want. Otherwise, friendships happen organically.
You can leave the door open if you want, "If you want to start over, at date one, you know where to find me." If you don't want to date him again, then just walk away, until your heart heals. *Then* maybe you can consider starting a friendship at a later date.
You don't have to be mean to him, but until he understands that he's just using you, friendship or anything else is juyst going to be a non-stop cycle of pain.1