Should I be friends with my ex?

My ex broke up with me 3 months ago but wants to be friends. I still have feelings for him. I try to ignore him, but he

follows me around, he calls me constantly and tells me he wants my company etc.

He ditched me.. well, not ditched, he was just ambivalent about me.. and wanted to play the field a bit.

He is persistent in his contacting me.

I told him there was bitterness on my side and he couldn't understand. He keeps sending texts now asking what I mean and seems genuinely upset that I am unhappy with him.

He also continues to call me pet names, compliments me and remembers everything I say/have said. He rings me very late i.e. 11, 12pm and always waits up for me online.

It's excruciating as I still have feelings for him, but I'd never ever get back with him.

I want to be one of those people who can be mature and friends with their ex... but I am resentful of the way he broke up with me (a couple of weeks before he did he told me he was still in love), and while my heart wants to see him.. my mind would prefer it if I didn't.

I find it excruciating chatting with him and face that he will eventually introduce me to/talk about his new girlfriend but also excruciating without him. When we don't see each other, I miss him so much.

He told me he'd be so upset if we stopped talking and he thinks it would be immature after 3 years together.

What to do? If not be friends, how do I break it to him? I don't want to build his ego too much (he is easily cocky).

My friends have told me he's an idiot and I should just forget him, but he seems genuinely wounded when I do not talk to him. His amount of phone calls is also insane for an ex.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Every post like this I've ever seen on the internet always has a million girls in the same position responding (myself included). While it's nice to think that you can be friends with an ex (and you can- eventually), people do this when they're sure enough to break up with you but not so sure that they might want you back later.

    It's obvious he cares about you, but for whatever reason doesn't want a relationship right now. He might be confused, and whether consciously or unconsciously, he wants you around in case he changes his mind. He will never make up his mind as long as you are there for him when he needs you to be.

    You deserve someone who is sure, whether it's him or the next guy. How to break it to him (if you feel you have to)? You tell him straight up: "It's obvious you want me around, but unless you know what you want, it's probably better that we just both move on. It's not fair to me for you to try and have it both ways."

    He'll likely respond that he just wants to be friends, to which you ask "how many female friends do you text and phone and call pet names every night?" The only people on earth that flat out say to another party "let's be friends" are kindergartners on the playground and unsure parties trying to leave relationships because they don't know what they want. Otherwise, friendships happen organically.

    You can leave the door open if you want, "If you want to start over, at date one, you know where to find me." If you don't want to date him again, then just walk away, until your heart heals. *Then* maybe you can consider starting a friendship at a later date.

    You don't have to be mean to him, but until he understands that he's just using you, friendship or anything else is juyst going to be a non-stop cycle of pain.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • I wanted to make it more clear. I kind of understand what your going through not personally. But I think what your trying to get at is, your still emotionally connected with him. While he runs around like some jack rabbit, your at home crying. It's much easier for a guy to get over past relationships, because girls make it so hard for it to begin with. Rejection is all we know, we've felt that far too often. Many of the times our goal is not to fall in-love first or at all. But in this case your already in too deep. You were both at the 4th floor and suddenly he decides he couldn't go any higher, he had to come back down. While leaving you stranding and hitting the "help" button.

    Girls need more time to get over past relationships then men do. He may or may not know this. Which may hurt you even more if you found out he did and was just using it to his advantage. Either way, many people would call this some kind of verbal abuse. But it's in your best interest to cut the hidden messages and tell him directly. You can't just say, "maybe." It's a yes or a no at this point.

    If you want this to end, you have to think and talk like a man. No more body language, men don't do well with such gimmicks. Tell him straight forward in plain English, you want it to end. That's it, how ever you go about doing that, the words must come out of your mouth and directly. Then you start blocking him and not replying; if he continues and he will eventually fade away like a bad flesh wound; just invisible scars.

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  • you may think I'm crazy but from a guy's point of view I think you should still keep a close relationship with him. now I'm not saying that it won't hurt, because you still have feelings for him, but it would hurt even more if he completely fell out of you life and just disappeared. it almost sounds like he just wanted a break from a relationship since it has been over "3 years" together. and as far as him getting into a relationship with another woman, I wouldn't be so concerned about it because I doubt he'll rub salt on your wounds by expressing feelings for another person. that would just be evil and cold blooded. and my final advice for you is to just go out and have fun! you are a free spirited girl and I'm sure you can please other people with your presence ;D

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    • Were you paying attention, the guy is playing mind games. I mean seriously, he wants to go play the field while she sits at home knowingly that he's with other females. I think I understand what your saying, if it were true what your saying. But she needs breathing room right now. And he's making it emotionally hard to drop back to 1st gear. I say, you tell him straight forward it has to end. Or he'll have 20 wives and you; zero kids. =(

What Girls Said 2

  • Tell him to leave you alone because the only way you will ever get over this guy is by staying away from him. Just tell him straight up that your not ready to be friends with him and that if he truly is your friend he would understand. And he probably regrets breaking up with you but if you were to get back with him the same thing would happen again and again. This is my current situation too at the moment and I just started being mean to my ex and ignoring him and he left me alone and its making getting over him easier. I hope that helps. :)

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  • if you have feelings for him don't be friends. who cares about him feeling wounded? its about YOU. just let him know straight up that you would prefer to have your space from him and then don't accept any of his calls anymore

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