Confused and down since break up. Don't know to respond to my ex who contacted me?

I have been split with my ex for a couple of months now and he was the one who ended it. He said it's not me its him and that he felt he needed to be single. We we had not spoke and did no contact until recently, as now has been texting me frequently. I don't know what to say and it's hurting me and confusing me. He is talking to me like he didn't break my heart. What does all this mean? I feel like I was finally sorting my head out and now I'm back to square one. I appreciate all answers so much, any second hand opinions are very helpful to me.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hi there,

    I can see you're really confused and hurting in this place that you find yourself in. I do hope that I may be able to help you achieve a tiny bit more clarity.

    Firstly, look at your ex's actions. He ends it (provides a reason) and then enters into no contact with you for several months. Then all of a sudden, he begins making contact with you and from how your explanation of the situation reads, this contact is fairly regular and doesn't contain much, if any; reference to the former relationship between you.

    From a male perspective, in that initial few months your ex may have been doing what he needed to do in order to sort himself out. In that process, we as males typically do our best to start letting go of the emotional attachment that we had to the other person. This process is not easy, especially if a man says he loves you - if he does that (and is not one of those pr*&ks that give the rest of us a bad name ie. players) he really loves you. But the process is easier if we have no contact with the person over a period of time.

    Given he has contacted you again, after this time... odds are good that he still has feelings for you. He may just be not sure how to bring up the topic, and given that you dont know what to say to him about how he has hurt you or your confusion you currently feel... I dare say that idle chit chat about the events of the day, the weather, what the cat ate breakfast etc would typically be the subject of conversation.

    What you need to do is work out what YOU want! Do you want things to be left as they are so you can continue on your journey of healing and acceptance? Or do you want to have 'that conversation' which you both seem to be avoiding.

    Given you haven't told him in no uncertain terms to get away and never contact you again, I wouldn't be surprised if you still have a flickering flame.

    But no one else, apart from you can tell you what to do in this situation. Only you can work out whats best for you. If you feel that its too painful to maintain contact and it is impeding your progress of healing and the relationship is done (as it was several months ago) then you best tell him this and let that be it.

    But if you want to put an end to the confusion and find out exactly what is prompting his contact with you... it seems you're going to have to be upfront and ask.

    Either way I wish you all the best

    • Thank you. This was very helpful to me and you are very right. I guess I really am the only one who knows what I want!

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  • I think you should start ignoring him. You're never going to get over him if you keep talking like you never broke up


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