Is this behavior he's breaking up with me or just needs to cool off?

So me and my boyfriend got into a fight on Friday.. he let me stay the night and I ended up going home Saturday afternoon. I had to distract myself so I told him I was gonna go visit my friend and stay there for the night unless he wanted to see me that night I wouldn't go. He said "I don't wanna see you today" so I went to my friends. This morning he was being really mean he was upset I actually went to visit my friend. He has not stated that we are broken up or that the relationship is over. He said I'll talk you or call you when I wanna talk to you again" but he was really angry and saying mean things. He called me a B which he has never done. His last text was "gotta go ttyl" is this behavior of someone who wants to breakup with me or just that he needs to cool off. Should I not text him until he texts me? I don't wanna irritate him even more


What Guys Said 1

  • Hi there,

    Well firstly let me say this, regardless of the reasons for him being angry are right or wrong (telling you to go to your friends place, then getting mad at you for it) he is being very clear with you. He is asking for space and time to cool off.

    In some ways, we men are very black and white and easy to figure out. However in others we are complicated... which in a sense makes things complicated (frustrating I know).

    A common misconception in today's society is that we men are simple creatures. We eat, sleep, get horny and repeat. We are human too, we also have emotions or things that eat us up... some of us are terrible at communicating these things or communicating generally and some of us aren't. Which makes us just as individual and unique as ladies.

    However those of us men who have difficulty communicating, try to offer hints at what it is we want. Sometimes, we just want a hug or some emotional support just as much as the opposite sex, but really suck at 'coming out and saying it.' I dare say that would be the catalyst for the moment where he got mad at you for doing exactly what he said ie. your friends place.

    In fairness to you, if this is the case (which I have a hunch that it is), he does need to work on his communication with you to be very clear and concise on what he wants and needs at all times.

    It seems, given that the communication from him (since asking for some timeout) has been clear and backed up by actions (ie. minimal contact) he is genuine in what he is asking for in terms of space and time to cool off.

    But also be clear in your mind what is and isn't acceptable to you in terms of your own boundaries. There could be a plethora of reasons why he has reacted the way he has ie. stresses you're not aware of, but regardless of this, calling you a b&$ch isn't really excusable. Nor is allowing you to wait for such a long period for the purposes of resolving an issue. Fair enough a few days, but dragging things out or avoiding the situation can do just as much if not more damage than the initial disagreement.

    Do as he asks, give him some space. But if things are appearingly dragging out over an unreasonable time frame, perhaps approaching him as delicately as possible to explain that whilst you acknoweldge your actions hurt him, you want the opportunity to discuss it and understand why.

    • So with all these being said how long should I wait for him to text me before I text him. Last time I saw him was yesterday at 1pm and last contact was today at 10am.

    • The BIGGEST suggestion I can make here... DO NOT try to resolve it over text! Mobile phones are like cryptonite to relationships! If the relationship is important, then I recommend that the relationship is treated with the importance it deserves which is actual input... not the quick, easy effortless text message...

      I wish you all the best

    • That is a difficult thing for me to answer, as I dont know who he is, what makes him tick or what he has going in his life. I also dont know how long you guys have been together. What I would suggest is this... Make contact with him explaining that you hear and understand his need for space and take ownership of the fact that right or wrong or even at his directions... you're aware that your actions have hurt him and you are sorry for that (remember - there is no right or wrong in a relationship - there is ownership of actions, empathy for hurt feelings and so on) and you would like to understand (by talking with him) how exactly things went this way however you believe it best - so that there are no misunderstandings, that things be worked out in person and not over the phone. Let him know that you are free and willing to work it out and leave it at that... chances are (if he is serious about resolving things) that he will come to you when he is ready...

What Girls Said 1

  • Give him some more time to cool off. Don't text him for about 2-3 days unless it's urgent. He said he'll text you when he wants to talk to you and he's cooled off. It sounds like he's just really pissed. I don't think breaking up over one fight is reasonable anyway. But it sounds like he just needs some time to burn off some steam