Why does my ex say that she wants her stuff back, and then when we schedule a time for her to get them something always "comes up"?

This has happened numerous times. We have been apart for a year now and are divorced. We were together for 8 years. She left me. But she gets mad that she doesn't have her stuff, but something always comes up or she all of a sudden doesn't feel like leaving the house. I still have this stuff she left after a year, cause she says she wants it. But she never comes even after scheduling a time. She gets annoyed/mad that she doesn't have it yet.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Option 1) She may be the one who left, but struggling with her choice and so finally coming to pick up her stuff means its really all over with and so cancelling is her way of not dealing
    Option 2) She's messing with and trying to get under your skin

    Solution is simple. She has exactly this date and that date to come pick up her stuff. After that either you tell her you're going to donate the items or that you will drop them off with some designated person and she can pick them up from them. Problem solved.

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    • Could she really still be struggling with it a year later? And she has made it very clear that she was no longer in love with me and didn't have feelings anymore. And she never initiates speaking to me, unless it's about getting her stuff or being mad that she doesn't have it, although she will always reply to my texts if I initiate. And I've mentioned bringing it to her, but she doesn't want that. She wants to come get it or meet me somewhere. But then she always backs out. It makes absolutely no sense to me.

    • Let me put it this way. When someone breaks up with you, they really no longer have a right to dictate what you can/can't do or 'how things are going to run.' which she seems to be doing with her items. It's an entire year later. No one on the entire planet is so busy that they can't come pick up their own stuff, in an entire year. This means that unless you are trying yourself to pick things back up with her, it should be just as simple for you to say hey, I'm not babysitting your stuff anymore, pick it up this weekend or I'm donating it or trashing it seeing as how you've played this game with her of is she or isn't she going to come today for a while now. You know her. I don't know. You also know yourself. So all you need to do is decide to be free from her and her stuff by giving the ultimatum or fishing to see if something is still there, or realizing she's just playing games with you.

Most Helpful Guy

  • This is how she holds on to you. If it bothers you, pack it and have it deliverer to her or deliver it to one of her family members. If it doesn't bother you, then you have other problems that need to be discussed.

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    • Why would she want to hold on to me if she left me. She also made it clear when she left that she wasn't in love with me, and didn't have feelings for me anymore. And she never speaks to me unless I initiate it. She always replies to me, but never initiates.

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    • I don't know. It just seems like she doesn't really want anything to do with me. But yah it makes it seem like she still does by not getting her stuff.

    • When people are not honest about their feelings, you can look at their behavior to see the signs of their true feelings.

What Girls Said 4

  • If I were you, I'd just take everything to her. I think she might be struggling to really accept that it is over, and picking up her stuff will just solidify this. But this has to be done and I think you should help her by taking it to her thereby indicating that it is, in fact, time for you both to put it all behind you and move on with your lives.

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    • But she left me. And she has made it very clear that she was no longer in love with me and didn't have feelings anymore. And she never initiates speaking to me, unless it's about getting her stuff or being mad that she doesn't have it, although she will always reply to my texts if I initiate. And I've mentioned bringing it to her, but she doesn't want that. She wants to come get it or meet me somewhere. But then she always backs out. It makes absolutely no sense to me.

    • I'd still just take it to her, she might not want that but she continues bailing on getting it herself and gets angry because she doesn't have it. So spare her the trouble and just take it, then this will be all over.

  • She trying to avoid the feeling of saying bye~

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  • She doesn't want to see you. Do her a favor and mail or drop off her stuff at her front porch and leave

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  • I read your question here and read others. I asked my ex. about his stuff. He said he doesn't care. I am not the type to throw out other peoples stuff. Since I know where he works, I dropped off. Just came back from it...
    He wasn't all that happy that i went there w/o calling, but said thank you. So I told him i didn't want to play the waiting game and that he never comes to get his stuff.
    So all good here. You should do something about it...

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What Guys Said 2

  • By stuff , she means you.

    8 years is a long fucking time bro.

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    • She made it clear that she was no longer in love with me, and had no feelings anymore. But yah 8 years is a long time. Too long to just leave as easy as she did.

    • It's not easy for anyone.
      Even if you see a cockroach everyday for 8 years of your life, you're gonna miss it once it leaves.

    • Yah, but it's been a year. I doubt she would still miss me at this point. I just don't understand why she always backs out of getting her stuff. Then gets annoyed and asks why she still doesn't have it.

  • Tell her to give you an address to ship it to/ship all of it to her new residence if you know it.

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