Please can someome help regarding access for kids? Guys mostly would you do this? Any advice from women to would be great thanks?

The childrens dad sees them every 3-4 weeks sometimes a longer period his choice.
I have asked for him to see the kids weekly which he agreed.
I also asked that he builds a relationship with his children again and see them regularly before they meet his girlfriend which i got no reply. I think this is reasonable to ask due to not spending time much time with them.
He seened the kids then let them meet the girlfriend.
He told the younger children abit ago that he didn't have a girlfriend and haven't spoken to them since regarding her.
Should this of happened this way?
or whould it of been better to talk to them about her over a few weeks and ask them if they would like to meet her?
Iv been told that im being unreasonable about it. The children have been alittle confused regarding me and him saying we are still together or want us back together and what happens when i meet someone new like would my new boyfriend be their new dad and their dad just be his name etc etc.
Iv tired to explain as best i can but they ask over and over again. I think this is why im alittle annoyed he went about it the way he did. As i can't answer the questions they want to know about him and her but they can't ask him because he's never around.
Me and their dad don't talk he's blocked my number or never replys to my text everything i say is to hurt him or make him feel guilty. Iv asked him to get in touch with mediation which i have yet to of heard anything.
Im so lost to what to do for the best


What Guys Said 2

  • You can't make someone do things.
    I recommend you write off the dad, and explain the best you can to the kids that their dad is lost and confused, and the best you can do to help him is to be here when he gets back.

    Also, when he does finally speak to you, I recommend you not scream, complain, harass, or in anyway be negative to him. If you want someone one in your life, and therefor your kids life, you don't do it by fighting with them.

    • I know i can't make someone do something. I was thinking about what was best for the children that he spends quality time with them and that.
      Yes we have argued a lot in the past reagrding the kids it always felt like he was saying what he wanted to to get me round but when i found out the truth i would go mad which i know know thats wrong of me to have done. I just find it hard takibg the emotions away when it comes to my kids

      Im unsure how to explain anything to my kids as they see hos side of the family and anything i say or have said before has been turned it agaisnt me by them.

    • You're clearly a good Mama, I had one myself, and she had some advice for me when I brought a problem like this to her.

      She said, "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all."

      I'm not saying it will be easy, but when they ask 'why haven't we seen daddy?' Instead of saying he's too busy drinking to see you, try something like 'Your daddy works hard to feed you and cloth you.' Or if thats too hard, "I don't know sweetheart, you should ask him when you see him."

      All we can ask of ourselves is to do the best we can.

    • Ohh i always say nice things to them about him. Sometimes i say he's working sometimes i say ring him and sometimes i say i haven't spoken to him. My eldest 14 doesn't really like him she even asked to change her last name. She's seen him with another girlfriend in the past and said he hates him coz he has no time for her. It broke my heart and the silly mistake i made was to get back with him 1 year later. He's a pretty messed up guy has a lot of issues and pushed us away still does it with his children now. he's acting like his father and someone from the family once said his dad doesn't see the children because he can't separate his wife from the children. Someone once said the same to me. But now he has a girlfriend you would think things would be different

  • Get a lawyer


What Girls Said 1

  • Wow we have the opposite problems you want your ex to see your kids and I wish mine would not come around to see our son, things yiure doing wrong:
    1- Don't text him to insul him or to make him feel guilty do you think he thinks about the kids? NO!! if he caree he would reach out to see them MY ADVICE don't contact him don't text him don't look for him I know you are woman enough to support and raise your kids by yourself if he want to be part of their lives he will come around of he doesn't let him screw him... And your children all by themselves will see what kind of father they have...

    2- if he introduce them to his girlfriend sorry but THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS this is why... it will only be your business if she treats them bad or hit them... you're not part of the sentimenal life of your husband anymore. And it's better if you stay out that so the girlfriend will treat your kids good and not take it i. Them cause she hates you..

    3- don't act crazy don't call names, him don't insult him or humiliate him cause the only thing you're doing is showing him and her THE REASON WHY HE LEFT YOU he will be like " see this is why I can't be with her cause she is crazy" the best thing you can do is not to contact him. And in case you have to do it just do it short and to the point.

    4. better yourself study, exercise and show him what he mised got this girl!! Good luck!!

    • Sorry for any misspelled words I was typing fast

    • I know its nothing to do with me about the girlfriend but i dont want my kids messed up coz he won't talk to them about her. My children are confused as it is and upset about their dad. And to bring another person into that just makes things harder for them. And to be honest i think i do he knows i won't have anyone around my children. And while he is only a dad when he wants i think i have more rights in saying what happens to me he isn't a dad he's nothing a dad wouldn't not see his kids when he knows he can see them every week.
      I don't text him iv been through a lot of serious And upsetting things with my older two and didn't bother to tell him coz i know he wouldn't want to come and talk to them. He wants to see them in his own time he does not want me to move on i know this by his actions. Older kids had said i was talking to someone and he didn't see them over Christmas coz of it.

    • Seeing them in his own time i mean. No set days just a text to my older child. And it annoys me. I want to go mediation but he won't pay for it. Im sick of everything being on his terms i want it all set in place for whats best for the kids. Iv spoken to a lot of people who have gone through court and the judge has said that a new partner shouldn't be around the children especially if contract witj the children isn't consistent