I love him and want to give him a second chance... should I?

Hi. So, I met this wonderful guy and we dated for four months. He was affectionate, loving, respectful, etc. and the relationship was perfect, until he blindsided me with an unfaithful act. Long story short, I discovered that he had a sexting fling (it only happened once, as the person he sexted with contacted me when they found out he wasn't single and told me everything). My ex admitted to it and was very apologetic and spiraled into depression and self loathing. I broke up with him right away but we started talking some weeks later. He promised that he'd never do it again and work to earn my trust back. The trust I had was destroyed and it made me anxious and paranoid, so I cut him off for two weeks completely.

Just the other day I messaged him saying I did so to give myself time and space, and that I needed more of it. He said to take my time and that he didn't want me out of his life, and that he'd been struggling emotionally too and would use the time to work on himself. It was a long distance relationship and I don't know if I should give him another chance because we're far apart and it would be harder for me to know he's telling the truth. On the other hand, he never gave me a reason to doubt his loyalty before all of this. He would always tell me he loved me and didn't have any problem telling others that too (especially on social media). He wasn't flirty with other girls from what I saw. He also said he didn't feel like anything was lacking in our relationship and that he had a momentary lapse in self control. That's what I'm unsure about, though I haven't yet given him a chance to prove himself.

What do you guys think? Also, as I take time out (It's been several days since our last contact and I want to take at least a month to heal), what suggestions do you guys have to help the heartache/extreme longing? Lastly, what behavior do you think I should look for in someone trying to prove their loyalty in a long distance relationship? Thanks so much.

PS. I will also add that I didn't tell him I wanted to give him a second chance yet. As far as the sexting thing, the other person was the one who pursued him. My issue was that he didn't stop that person, and even though he did not reciprocate as much he still encouraged that behavior. I let him watch porn and we'd sext a bit to get each other off, I just didn't want him sexually or romantically interacting with another individual.


What Guys Said 2

  • Tell him to meet you in person bring a Diary and make a contract of the rules both parties sign. If one of you breaks any of the rules the whole relationship mutually ends. With no if ands or BUTS.

  • it's a good chance for you, you'll be the strong part in this relationship if you go back to him, and I consider you lucky for having such a small problem, I mean imagine if he cheated ! so be smart take advantage of the situation, but don't show him like he done something small, believe me he will think thousand times before he try to talk to a girl or answer one ! ... so be smart and don't let him go, and don't make him suffer too much also, be wise and responsible with the power you have right now !


What Girls Said 1

  • From my experience, don't.

    I went back to my ex over and over again. It started as a flirt here, a text there... Which became a kiss here, a secret meet up there... Ignoring me for days and weeks before finally admitting he was cheating. By text.
    And we only lived 15 miles from each other but saw each other only once or twice a week.

    Relationships where you can't see each other often frequently break unless you have been together for some time before. I personally don't think he will change.

    He will try. But he will get lonely and he innocent texting will start again. After all you will never know. You wouldn't have know this time if it hadn't been for a very honest woman.

    Take the warning. Don't make my mistake and hurt yourself for 5 years to be replaced by an underage girl.