When my partner minds his child it is always in his ex's never our home, is this normal?

I'm with my partner 2 years and we are living together a year now.he has a 4 year old child from a previous relationship and sees him regulary. sometimes his ex likes to go away for weekends and the odd night out but when he minds him it's always in his son's home never ours which means he's not home until she comes back. I only met his son once and we got on like a house on fire and was he crying when he had to go home, my 7 year old son had a great day aswel. when his ex found out she went ballistic and won't let him come down again. she has made it very clear she wants my partner back and I'm the wicked witch standing in her way..i can't do anything right. it upsets me that he won't stand up for me and tell her that he has no problem minding his son when she goes out but that he will do so in our home and if she doesn't agree then she can cancel her night/weekends away but that it's her choice and he is not taking the offer to babysit away. I took 3 heart attacks last year and my partner know I'm very nervous when I'm left on my own for a weekend especially at night. I know it must be hard for him because if he minds him at our home he upsets his ex and he if minds him at his ex's he upsets me..but he always upsets me never her and I feel like I'm second best to her and her feelings come first. we are engaged and I'm wondering should I stay with a man who refuses to stand up for me and not let me be part of his son's life when I have let him move into my home with me and my son?. other than this our relationship is very solid and the only time we argue is when we bring this subject up. does anyone think we have a future if he put his ex's happiness in front of mine?



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What Guys Said 1

  • I think you need to reframe this. His son comes first.. That's a strong and natural bond, and not something that undermines your relationship or means that he is not standing up for you. There's nothing wrong with him spending time with his son. If he's only seeing his son at her house then there will be reasons: it's hard to be in two families. Don't try to renegotiate the terms under which father and son are united: you are not a party to that family, and you don;t have a right to spend time with his son.

    Instead, it's important that you show that you want to understand why. You feel upset about that and, honestly, you need to start to think about that differently.

    You need to cut this guy a lot more slack and reduce the tension which I imagine this has introduced into your relationship. If you are not careful you will push his ex-wife into the position where she is hearing all about rows between the two of you.

    • I understandstand where you re coming from. I understand his son comes first.. no exceptions. I also have a son from a previous relationship and I would never want to come between their time..but e already sees his son every sun and 4 evenings a week after work so I don't see him until 10:30/11:00 at night all I want is that if he is minding him for the weekend that it would be at our home. his ex is going out with a man 6 weeks and he's spending time with his son yet his ex won't let me..

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    • Yes this has been going on since he and his ex split up...before I came along. so I don't expect him to change his rountine because I knew that about him before I started seeing him. I just would like the ovenight weekends changed as he has to fit me in somewhere. I do trust him if he wanted to be with his ex he would.

    • I've read your post. I've also read the comments. They're tough but true. I would like to ask you if you had considered what the future holds for your relationship. If this bothers you this much now will you be okay getting married to a man who doesn't come home until 10 or 11 pm. You said that you trust him & that is great but you might want to consider his ex's motives. She knows this is stressing you. He is allowing his ex to enjoy weekends out but will she be as considerate when your married?

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