Need help with my situationship?

My girl and I broke up about two weeks ago. The reason why is because apparently I'm a bad boyfriend. I don't cheat or anything, I'm just slow and not as thoughtful as your "ideal" boyfriend. I don't think it's my fault I'm this way, I don't do these things on purpose. She's very good to me and I'll take the L for not being as thoughtful as I should be. She claims that I don't know how to love someone or treat a lady. Also she claims that I don't know what it's like to be in an adult relationship. I feel as if she's not entirely wrong. I stayed single for most of my early twenties by choice. The last lengthy relationship I've been in was in high school. What eats me is that she expects me to figure out how to act. We argued last week or so. I'm coming back from Japan fresh off a business trip. I'm excited to get back and see her. I also brought her an array of sweets and trinkets from my trip. I spent the night at her place and in the morning, i was ready to take her to work. I know it probably wasn't the smartest thing to say but I said, "you kind of depend on me for a ride sometimes". It was one of those things where you mean one thing and it comes out the wrong way. Since then things haven't been the same. She really took offense to it. I think she's been planning to leave me for a while but couldn't figure out the right time. Basically we split because she feels like there's no growth in the relationship. I wanna do all these nice things for her but monetarily I can't do that right now. She's far from a gold digger trust me. I know I I should be more romantic and thoughtful with my efforts with her but this isn't all because of me. Whenever I try to explain myself or make her understand what I'm trying to communicate, she cuts me off and runs with the first half of my statement. She gets angry with me and nobody ends up happy. She also carries grudges. She expects me to know what to do. If you love someone u conditionally you'll be there no matter what?


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What Girls Said 2

  • She has unrealistic expectations. And until she gets over some of that she won't be able to have a lasting relationship.

    Maybe you could do more. Because someone can always being doing more. But someone can also being doing less. I've never gotten a surprise trinket or gift in a relationship, no even flowers. It is what it is. And that's all besides the point.

    Relationships are not about what you get out of it. Fundementally it has to be about love. Does she love who you are as a person? Your qualities? An individual should feel lucky to be with the person their with. And appreciate the good things in the relationship.

    And you dont want to be with someone who's constantly critizing you? Does she set an example? Does she surprise you, does she do the things she says she wants you to do for her? Is she putting this kind of effort in that she expects?

    I would bring all that up to her!

    And lastly - its completely unfair for her to get mad about you not fullfilling her expectations that she can't inform you of. She's setting you up to fail by doing so and needs to learn this!!!

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  • I think you need to sit her down and have a long talk. Message her and tell her that you love her unconditionally and that you can be a bit clueless at times and say the wrong thing, but there's no one else you love more than her. Mention that you can't imagine a future with anyone else but her (if this is true). Only do this after you've been talking happily for a while.
    If she's still angry at the moment, give her some time to calm down. Give her a bit of time to think (about a week without contacting her). Maybe even send her the occassional message after that week with something to make her laugh (do not mention the relationship). Every few days send her a text or a funny video. This way you're gently making yourself known and keeping you in her mind. It's only been 2 weeks, be patient and be gentle.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Seems like she's got some kind of issue were she has to be constantly approved and stuff had girls like this and no matter what you do it's never good enough. She will still find another excuse. The real problem is her not you my friend. Now you could do more as you admit that but what could she do? It works both ways

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