I dated this wonderful woman for 3 months but we would still hang out. And do things as a couple would but we would not label it as we was a couple?

JJ96734
I messed up huge. More then I have ever in my life with anything. I said some very mean and uncalled for things to her. i did not know this break was only so we can be stronger together. She never told me anything so I did not know. I hurt her in a way I never intended to. I text her throw out the whole day. As she was at work. She cried and beg that this was not me. I was a malicious asshole to the woman I loved so much. I said things like. She will be a shity parent and she was a mistake and nothing more then a fuck to me. And I continue on with more mean shit from there. Even after all I said she still see me that night. Cried her eyes out and ask me. If I am so scared to loss her then why would I say all that shit. And why I'm I pushing her away. She still some what talks to me now. But she has not told me how she feels for me once. I need her back in my life I need her to by mine again. I know I messed up and I want to grow and be better. For myself and for her. She is the one I want to marry. I know that for some time. But don't know why I pushed her away and said what I did. I wanted to hurt her. But not the kind of hurt I did and not loss her for ever. I am thinking about getting her a promise ring. To show I mean it when I say I want to change and I want to be better for her. I have not eaten or slept in the past few days. I am so lost with out her in my life.
Updates:
+1 y
She also has not delete the pics of us online yet. If that makes a difference. Or what could it mean
I dated this wonderful woman for 3 months but we would still hang out. And do things as a couple would but we would not label it as we was a couple?
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