I believe a big reason my ex broke up with me is that she is battling depression. Can you tell me whether the below signs add up to that?

So my ex and I broke up just 4 days ago. She is 23, I am 26. We had only been together for 5 weeks, but would talk every day and hang out 3-4 times a week. It was after a really good date where there was PDA, laughing, and investing in conversation. We had never been in a really fight, and never felt anything wrong with the relationship. It actually felt to both of us like the healthiest happiest relationship either one of us has had.

During our date 4 days ago it came up that she feels something is wrong inside her. She said she has buried down and not dealt with past hurts to the point that it is preventing her from getting too emotionally close. She said that I have seen the worst version of her, that she has not been herself the last 2-3 weeks and her roommates have noticed. She listed off several things... She sleeps a ton, takes really long naps, and is still tired... her eating has been a bit off and she has gained weight recently... she has lost interest in certain things like working out and studying for her real estate license. She has not been as social, and when at home commonly is up in her room by herself instead of socializing with roommates. When she is with me though she is always smiling, always laughing and invested. She never turned down spending time with me, and was always so excited to see me.

She said she has ignored and suppressed past hurts for so long that they are effecting her deeply now and preventing her from getting emotionally deep with me. She feels that she needs to spend time by herself to resolve these problems and get back to her old self before she can be in a relationship. She didn't want to end things, but felt it was the only way. She broke down crying on our way home after the date, didn't want to get out of the car, didn't want to let go of the goodbye hug, goodbye kiss, and held my hand as long as possible when I walked away.

I don't know what to do... I don't want to lose her forever...


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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Seem like depression, I deal with it myself. Some people prefer to deal with personal issues alone try not to take it personally thats just how we function. She seems like she doesn't want to "drag" you into her problems. It's up to you if you want to be there for her, whether it be as a friend or significant other.

    My opinion: Just try to give her space and maybe send a small short text letting her know that you care and you'll be there if she needs to vent or cry or just keep her company. Keep it light and positive.

    also I don't know if it'll work for her but for myself self going to the beach when its secluded and sunny helped put a smile on my face, it all depends on what she enjoys.

    Best of Luck
    Elle

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    • So a few days ago I sent a brief text that was nothing too heavy. I apologized for breaking the no contact she had originally said she felt she needed a week ago when we broke up. She has been gone at a family reunion the last week. Her response to my apology was "don't worry, I don't feel that you have been disrespectful". I told her hood, because that is the last thing I would want to do and to let me know if she wanted me to continue no contact. Today, I messaged her safe travels getting home. It became a continuing convo for a few hours of light joking responses with lots of exclamation marks "hahaha" "LOL" and emojis. She responds fast as well. Do you think she is simply being nice or do you think that she misses having me in her life and is wanting to open conversation again. Remember, we didn't break up because of a fight or lack of passion/compatibility.

What Guys Said 1

  • Depression (or any kind of mental illness) can totally screw a person's life. And such people can't usually have normal relationships until they seek professional help and possibly get on meds. You need to let go until she feels better.

    P. S. I am battling a lot of mental health issues myself, so I know.

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