Help me get him back when he isn't fully gone (yet)?

We were best friends & then more than that. All summer we were practically living together, had fun, constantly laughing & enjoying ourselves, very happy. I got to know his family, went to family events, hung out with his friends etc.

He went to uni (3hrs away). At first he was like "i miss you, i love you" but he settled back in & started talking less. Weekends were still great together. Conversations became more small talk, or just "i miss you" or "i love you", we didn't talk constantly about everything & anything. Nights together became take out & staying in.

He was home for holidays, went back & went silent. I didn't hear from him for days at a time. He was back this weekend but didn't see me until Sunday, not even a sleepover. I told him how I felt. He said he got scared, we got too serious, we stopped being fun & started being boring. He still wants to be in my life but has backed away so much. He said i did make him happy.

I see where he is coming from, it stopped being easy & exciting & I don't know why.
He loved me & being away made him realise his feelings & that scared him. We got too serious, too fast (he just came out of a bad relationship) & he has pushed me away because of it.

It's very complicated. He is almost treating me like a F*** buddy now. But then some emotion appeared when he said he'd help me sell my car in the holidays, complimenting my flaws, hugs that were too long or kisses goodbye as i left.

I would like to be with him but he isn't ready. I just don't want him to be scared of his feelings & I want to be fun & exciting again. I have started focusing more on my own life rather than on him. I want to bring the fun back, i want to see him happy again, with or without me, i want to get our friendship back. I don't want the last memory of us to be boring & serious.

He finishes uni at the end of the year, I want him back, i don't care if it takes months. I want his smile back. Help me?


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  • tbh, i don't know if i would trust this guy. He clearly doesn't care enough to keep in touch when he's in college or at home showing how little important you are in his life. On top of that, you guys are just f buddies now... and that feels sad, I don't see any emotional connection, seems like he's using you. And all these promises of helping you sell car and stuff... well, I don't know how much he will be fulfilling and how much will be bs. I'd say forget him and don't talk to him for a while. If he comes back, great... it might be important for him as well. If not, then good riddance.

    • He did though, for about 4 months before he left and then 4 when he was gone. I'm almost treating it as if it a breakup. He's suddenly changed. It was emotional, we were practically living together, i attended all his family events, he told me he loved me first etc.
      The selling car wasn't a promise, just a comment, i don't want to rely on him to do something important such as that.

      I think he needs space, he's scared of serious. But If he comes back after my period of no communication how should i treat it? We were best friends before anything else and I miss this most of all. I hate that all we are is serious talks now and i'm sick of me always talking about "us". How do I be friendly and open, but with no promise of anything, when he comes crawling back (he will, he always does, mostly when i'm out or actually doing something fun)?

    • don't be friendly and don't open up. If he wants you back in life, he will come back. And then, it's your decision what to do since he keeps going back and forth but giving him too much attention and trying to contact him will only do harm right now. If he wants space, give it to him. I know you must miss his friendship, but if it's meaningless for him don't hold on to it. And I mean to say that he didn't contact you while he was gone elsewhere, obviously he was in touch while you were in the same vicinity. But it's more important to see how a person behaves when they are far away. That tells more...

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