Last girlfriend left me in November out of nowhere. Then she dated a misogynistic jerk after me and got hurt. What did she see in him and not me?

My last girlfriend broke up with me before Thanksgiving. Prior to that she told me she loved me unconditionally and that I was it for her. She even told me I was the type of guy she always wanted to marry. Then she started pushing me away and a month later was telling me how annoying I was and accused me of using love to manipulate her and always making her miserable. She then broke it off with me. I was good to her. I always made time for her, took her on trips, cooked for her, and was there for her when her cat was sick. After me she got with a guy who is a misogynistic jerk. He always posts sexist memes on his Facebook and sees women as disposable second class citizens. He ended up hurting her and now she is alone. My question is, what did she see in him that I couldn't provide her? What would make her leave someone like me for someone like him?
Updates:
After reading some of the responses on here, I have realized in the future I need to allow only female responses. So thanks guys for acting like dickheads and making me feel worse than I already do. I hope you had fun trolling.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It’s hard to truly give legitimate insight without knowing any of you and having zero exposure to your individual personalities. My best guess is that there was something about his confidence that drew her in. Now, it appears that it was truly narcissism and arrogance but she probably didn’t realize that when they got together. He probably felt like some intriguing, daring, foreign adventure as opposed to your kind, sweet, loving behavior which essentially became predictable and maybe even boring to her. The fact that you mentioned she said you were annoying makes me wonder if she meant that you were clingy and always in her face to the point where annoyance overwhelmed appreciation. Some guys seem like this grand, amazing, intriguing, thrilling adventure that makes your heart beat a million miles per minute then you learn that this “adventure” is truly a disaster where you crash and burn.

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    • I would like to think I'm not boring but I can't change the way people think.

    • Show All
    • You're welcome. You are definitely tangled in your feelings right now but logically speaking, she did not deserve you. She wasn't doing shit to earn the selfless benefits you were offering her. To be totally honest, she sounds like she was a shitty, lame, selfish girlfriend who didn't know what the f*ck she was doing.

    • That's what everyone tells me. Logically speaking, I understand that. But our heart gets the best of us sometimes. Oh well. I learned a lot from it. Sometimes the most painful experiences bring the best lessons.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Someone's poison.

    Her friends started saying things, not even necessarily about you, and she started to hallucinate. Think of it like how horoscopes work, make a general statement and find that people apply it to themselves, only it was negative.

    "Love is vulnerability." and all that garbage simply was her undoing.

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    • I'm am idiot. I never asked how long you dated the girl.

    • About 6 months.

    • Not long enough to discern any real issues. I can't believe i blindly guessed. I'm disappointed.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • It sounds like she's got issues. When someone turns for another person who doesn't treat them well (especially after being with someone who was good to them), it's because they have low self-esteem. You need to find a gal with a healthier mental state. :)

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    • I have another woman now but I invested so much in the last relationship only to have it end with no closure is still bothering me.

    • Gotta create your own closure then. Whenever thoughts of the old pop up, force yourself to focus on the new. Do this enough and those other thoughts will stop coming.

    • Thank you.

  • Some women have a flawed attraction towards the wrong kind of men who treat them like shit, but they love it because its a challenge for them and they have the mentality of "he will change for me". So they stick around.

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  • You will have to ask her. What did she say when you broke up?

    It could be any number of reasons tbh. She felt a strong sexual and physical chemistry. He said exactly what she wanted to hear at the right time. He tapped into her fears and appeared to take them all away. She liked his BS and believed it. He was completely different to you and therefore presented an interesting challenge. Maybe having everything with you was not what she really wanted. There are so many possibilities with this question.

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    • She told me she couldn't give me what I needed or deserved and that she wasn't in any kind of emotional state for a relationship at that point. She said she hurt me a lot already and if she stayed with me she would just do more damage. I pleaded with her to reconsider but she decided this is what was best.

      As far as what you say about the strong sexual and physical chemistry and tapping into her fears and taking them all the, she mentioned those reasons and then some as being the reasons she loved me and why she was convinced I was it for her.

      If she didn't want everything with me then what did she want?

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    • C'est la vie. At the end of the day she decided she wanted out and executed that plan. It could be where she is in life which is causing her to make drastic decisions. The only way you will really know is by what she told you and/or if you ask her again.

    • I understand. Unfortunately asking again is not an option because she blocked all forms of contact with me. I didn't realize it until I moved and found something of hers and tried to message her about it. She has me blocked on facebook and texting. Not sure why. I hadn't tried to contact her once she cut me off. It'll get easier in time I'm sure.

  • Sounds like she has some baggage. Some people are drawn to trauma because they don't have the emotional capacity for healthy relationships until they heal themselves from whatever messed them up - usually childhood issues.

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What Guys Said 8

  • 1. Maybe she was never in love with you. Perhaps you were a rebound? Maybe there was some reason why she convinced herself that she needed to fall in love with you. When that happens, reality eventually catches up with the situation and then she is looking for an excuse to break up in a way that she can blame it on you. . . because she doesn't want to take responsibility for any of that mess.

    2. Maybe she was in love with you and then saw some aspect of you that simply made her freak out and totally rethink your future together.

    These first two possibilities don't involve someone else waiting on the sidelines. She wasn't necessarily comparing you to someone else. The third possibility is: someone else.

    3. Maybe she was in love with you and genuinely felt everything that she said, and then some guy comes along and she feels some chemistry, some overwhelming connection. It doesn't mean that she was comparing you to him. It was just like Ulysses hearing the song of the Siren. Unfortunately, it is sometimes a demon singing the Siren's song.

    Whatever happened, she wasn't as bonded to you as you were to her, and that blows, but. . . five years from now, you'll look back and realize that you are in a better position because she is gone from your life.

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  • i think she just talked a lot of bullshit when she was caught in the feels, and said things she didn't really mean.

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  • Haha the answer to this one is simple. Girls date jerks. Come on dude you're 30-35... You don't know this?

    Here's why: over the last 100 years media has conditioned males to be gentlemen and women to be princesses.

    However, human evolution favours a man that is dominant, aggressive and cunning. Naturally, primitive/autonomic responses such as sexual desire in a woman are going to be triggered by primitive behaviours such as aggression and dominance in a male. And not by "gentleman" type stuff.

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  • she probably sees her dad in him. her dad might be a misogynistic jerk and people usually date someone similar to their parents.

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    • Her father died from cancer 15 years ago. Not sure what he was like. She seemed to love him though.

  • Hey , guy. First, just let it go.
    You are a nice man, she is also a clever adult.
    You will get un-nice just like comparing with others.
    Good luck.

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  • Probably hotter or bigger dick...

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  • He acted like a bad guy and had a bigger dick to shove inside her than you

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  • Tbh, sounds like you were not acting in your masculine core, and she turned to a man who was

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    • It wasn't out of no-where either, you were probably acting in a way that was slowly lowering her attention

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