What do I do with myself after a 9 year relationship?

Nabbu
We met in highschool at the age of 14 in a class we both had. Fast forward 4 years and many experiences later we were madly in love after all that time and things were going good. Then reality. I became jobless and depressed from disappointing her over and over. She stopped seeing me as 'perfect' and that fueled my self-pity and misery. She started talking down to me and calling me names, "You're a stupid little boy who can't even earn a little money". I was so distraught in the change from perfection to this hell that I sought attention and 'affection' elsewhere. I never did anything physical but the cheating was real in my mind. She was destroyed by this and we separated for a year. She tricked me back into the relationship and then started to physically hit on me during arguments. The last straw was in the 9th year of our relationship, May 2015, when she berated me publicly and I overreacted to this embarrassment by throwing the $30 engagement ring she bought me out of the window. She punched me in the face repeatedly in front of an older woman and berated me more. I walked from our house 23 miles to my nearest relative with just the shirt on my back. She told my family I ruined her life and that I made everyday a living hell. My family outcasted me and when she started to date a guy they congratulated her on finding someone she deserves. They won't talk to me anymore. My ex-fiance excommunicated me and acts like I never existed. She and her new boyfriend have now been together 1 year. Their anniversary is 2 days after ours. May 7th. I couldn't deal with all of this and contemplated suicide multiple times but never could go through with it since I'm Christian. Everyone tells me I'm pathetic and full of self-pity. Maybe they're right. I can't do anything anymore and pleasurable things just make me feel miserable. I really want to stop caring about this. Please don't talk about the contemplated suicide. I wouldn't do it. I just feel like telling someone.
What do I do with myself after a 9 year relationship?
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