Can we ever work through these problems?

In the last week my boyfriend and I have come into many problems. I found out he's interested in painkillers, an alcoholic (he says he will work on that), and know he is emotionally unavailable and hates being vulnerable or emotional, even with a girl he's dated over a year. Now, in the last week he's lost my trust by being very mean, saying he's lost some of his "in love" feelings for me because I kept asking him to stop being emotionally shut off, and saying that our failing sex life is MY fault because we "do the same thing every time" even though he never initiates or tries anything else. He lacks expression, which leads to everything in our relationship - expressing how he feels, expressing his horniness, expressing his fears, ANYThing.

Is this workable? We are very compatible as best friends - get along very well, very close. But the spark was always lacking with us and I've always had issues with his inability to feel.


Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Any other time I would say yes there is a chance that it could be saved. But " I'll work on that " as a cop out for such a detrimental habit is BS. It that was the non chalont attitude he actually had then this is absolutly and totally doomed. All you will gain by continuing with this is more pain and more heart ache as you watch helplessly as it all goes to chit. If you can get him to agree to treatment and he actually wants off the drugs and alcohol then by all means hang in there and be a part of the support team. But if he doesn't show a genuine interest and effort to get off them , get out. It's just not worth it


What Girls Said 1

  • Along with his Bigger Problems in Being hooked on 'Painkillers', an alcoholic," He is Just Plan and Simple... Emotionally Unavailable...
    You have Named a Million things that will No Work for this so-called "Relationship" here, dear. He needs Much Professional Help for his Pill Popping and Bottle Binging and Only He can Take that First Step in Getting the Help he desperately Needs.
    Bottom line is, He stinks in a Relationship. H e is Mistaking your Kindness for Weakness, and he is Obviously in No shape or Form to be with Someone as Special in this Relationship as you are and Have been. You are doing all of The... Expressing and Initiating.
    He is Not Ready Nor Raring for any of this because it Takes a lot of Effort on his own Part to even think about being a Partner in this Team, in which he is merely a Player and Now.. A Said Slayer in even his Hurtful Words.
    Stay 'Best friends.' The Reason you both are so 'Very Compatible' in Slapping this Title on One another, is because it doesn't include the Word "C" which is "Commitment, which he doesn't want in his Life of Strife.
    Stop Enabling him and Both of you sit down and Get on the same page and Compromise and if you Can't... Do SOMEthing.
    I frankly think you Deserve better than this Joe.
    Good luck. xx


Recommended myTakes