Why are people so active with their "exes"?

I have noticed that many problems stem from the fact that people don't stop seeing their exes for one reason or another sometimes for the course of years. It causes insecurity and instability in their new relationships and this is especially true when there are no children or shared assets and they just don't leave one another alone.

My personal view is that once you break-up you have a chance at a clean slate with another person presuming you make the choice not to continuously drag your past along by talking to people who you just should let go. Even if you were friends prior there's very rarely any reason, at least in my opinion, to keep purposefully seeking out the past which is almost guaranteed to harm the future. Unless there is some intention to actually rekindle the relationship or some truly binding status like children or property I think you should just stop bothering with generating your own drama.

Am I wrong?

  • You are wrong
    23%(3)27%(6)Vote33%(3)
  • You are not wrong
    77%(10)73%(16)Vote67%(6)
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Most Helpful Girl

  • You're absolutely right. I think the majority of people here will agree with that, including the ones who are still active with their exes. The fact that they can acknowledge that it is wrong, doesn't mean they will stop repeating the same pattern.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You're not wrong.
    But...
    1. Moving on is not as easy as it sounds, especially if you've invested a lot in the relationship and partner.
    2. Break ups aren't always an agreement. Most of the time only one person in the relationship wants it, the other is 'forced' to go along because a relationship is suppose to be a two way street or whatever.
    3. A lot of people are good at pretending to be okay nowadays and it hampers the moving on process.
    4. Some people still meet with their exes because: he/she is their co-worker, or fellow student, or apartment-mates, or neighbor. Frequency in bumping into each other is an important factor in moving on.

    And someone who actively seeks out their ex is clearly someone who haven't moved on. They might've pretended to agree with the breakup.

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What Girls Said 3

  • One of my ex's is one of my closest friends. We don't have any romantic feelings for each other, we broke up 8 years ago. I don't see why I can't be friends with him just because he's my ex

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  • I don't talk to my ex for this very reason. You're completely right.

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  • Nice question, Ella's dad 🐈
    The reason is that they are not committing to their new relationship with their whole heart, whole soul, whole mind and whole strength :- )

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What Guys Said 7

  • I've noticed lots of people break up REALLY easily sometimes. Like from an argument. Which is crazy to me, because I feel like in comparison it takes a lot for me to get in/out of a relationship. So when I do get out of a relationship, I cut ties for the most part.

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  • One of my ex's is my gf's best friend who we both consider a part of our lives, and who we are going to name as godmother to our kids. I think you have a point, but it very much is a case-by-case thing. The reason and manner in which you broke up has a huge effect, not all breakups are bitter and some are not even sad.

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  • You're right again!
    (☞゚ヮ゚)☞

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  • I completely agree. 100%

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  • Yes I agree.

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  • Ex's are ex's for a reason.

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  • Well yeah but it's easier said than done, it's hard to just delete your feelings for someone

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    • I'm not suggesting you 'delete' anything. Just stop hanging around them.

    • Yeah but if you still love them and have the chance to hang around them you will

    • But how does that help you in your new relationship?

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