Apologizing to an ex, years later- Is this a good idea?

Imagine that you had an ex that had treated you really badly and broken your heart. Years later, you've gotten married and you are (hopefully) happy, would it be good or bad to receive an apology from said ex?

I treated my ex horribly and I really do want to let him know Im sorry about everything but I dont want to upset him in any way or disrupt his new life. I just want to say sorry and that he didn't deserve any of it.

Would you be happy about getting an apology or would you feel it was weird after many years of no contact?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly my ex treated me pretty bad, but the good news is I'm pretty much over it. It seems to me she has apologized to me, but while I was civil about it. I didn't really buy it either. This isn't to suggest that I'm raging mad at her still, but I have a bit of a hard time with people (especially my ex) wanting to have the idea of offering an apology which will somehow (erase) her misdeeds of the past. You are accountable for what you do and yes that even includes things you did in the past. I guess if we could sit down and have a mature discussion I might be okay with that, but the unfortunate truth of it, is I really don't have a lot I want to say to my ex, for a number of reasons; 1. She may not understand or appreciate my point of view, 2. More than anger, I just want to not wast any more of my mental energy even thinking about her, 3. I don't feel the way I used to about her, yes she is the mother of my son, but that is about as far as I want to go with maintaining any sort of relationship with her. Lastly I don't hate my ex-wife, but I really don't like her and find myself feeling frustrated when I think of her, and because I don't like feeling that way, I try not to think of her as much as possible.

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    • This is why Im not sure if its a good idea to apologize to him. I dont want him to feel like I am erasing anything just by apologizing or that now everything is ok cos I made an effort to say I'm sorry. The past is what it is and nothing can change that. I just got this idea in my head that I would really like for him to know that I finally understand how much of a bitch I was but not if it is going to upset him or annoy him in any way. I dont want to do anything to frustrate him in any way. I dont have any right to do that.

    • If you really want to apologize, I would advise you talk to him a little at first, just to sort of test the water so to speak, if he seems receptive then see if you can talk about the past, again try this a little at a time, if with each step you are able to get closer to saying what you want then you will know it's all good, otherwise by trying in a little at a time approach, if he seems put off, very little has been lost through your efforts.

    • Thank you for your advice, I will try this approach!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Personally, I wouldn't respond to an ex if he tried to reach out to me to tell me he was sorry.

    Even though you've moved on with your life , its obvious that your conscience hasn't moved on from the hurt you caused him.

    It's a very nice thought and nice of you to want to do that. So if you feel that's what you need to do to ease your conscience then contact him. Guilt is a heavy burden to carry. Saying sorry may not bring you forgiveness on his part , but at least you'll be able to have closure and it'll help you to move on from it... knowing that he is aware the hurt you caused did affect you too.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Closure is always good in my opinion, even just for your self

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  • What your ultimate purpose and motive? What is your goal?

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    • It's silly but at the time I hadn't ever had my heart broken and now I have and it sucks! I never understood how it must have felt for him but now that I do, I feel even worse about how I treated him. I dont want to rekindle anything or become friends with him again, I just want him to know that I finally get it and if I could change my behaviour at the time I would. Just that I guess...

    • That sounds ok

What Girls Said 0

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