Why is it that she says she has to get him out of her system...this doesn't make any sense

Well the true question is that my girl she is going to prom with this guy, she has always liked since about two years ago. She has asked this guy out and both times he said no. Now she is taking him to the prom. I'm afraid no matter how much she reassures me I feel like when that night happens that guy is going to ask her out or pull some kind of stunt. I mean that's what I would do. She says she is doing this for a last hurrah to get him out of her system. (Also point here the reason why I can't go is be because I am 22 and yes she's 18.) But the thing is none of this makes sense to me. Would it be more like I'm going to avoid him not think of him more like getting it out of her system. All my friends say that it won't give her the closure she wants by doing this rather causing more feelings to happen.

She tells me she cares for me she tells me that she won't leave me. Yet everything about this situation is not letting me be at peace with the whole deal. This getting out of my system deal makes no sense to me at all to me. Please any advice out there.

Updates:
I guess better asked this way, Why would a girl need this "kind" of style of closure in the first place has any one experienced this kind of situation themselves?
After a few talks that we had we finally came to an agreement where I can meet the guy and let him know what's up between my girl and I. I'm going to let her do this because how much trust I want to put in her. She understands my feelings.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If I were you I would trust her. Yes she is being selfish but you cannot control her actions. She's young so of course she will think irrationally at times. You have to somewhat expect that. If you try to control the situation you'll only push her further away. So my advice is this: Let her go with him. Trust her. Don't worry about her or him. Tell her to have a good time and pick her up after. There is NO rule against who escorts her home. You can even plan the rest of the night. Taking her to dinner etc. If she's unsure about the relationship she is in (which is what I see) then remind her why she's in it WITH you. Share her night and don't allow her to be 100% selfish or the opportunity for embarrassment if things do get out of hand. This is a hard place to be in but I do wish you the best of luck.

    I also agree with Elizaabla. Give her your heart to heart but do let her know you cannot control her actions because she's now a grown woman who should be more than capable of making logical decisions.

    ~Bnwsmile

    I hope everything works out for you. You seem like a very caring individual; one of the good guys that are all taken. Best wishes.

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What Girls Said 4

  • There is no reason for her to want such a thing expect if she is not taking your relationship serious enough.

    How can someone be with someone (love them or commit to them) yet have someone else stuck in there mind, and want to date them , to get it out of their system or not, it's emotional cheating.

    Mentally she isn't all there in the relationship.

    You should have trust for your partner, but they should also have enough respect for you to not play with your heart/mind like that.

    You ask her if you can go out with a girl you have liked for awhile to get it out of your system and see how she reacts. not too good I'm sure...

    Trust is one thing but taking advantage of your trust is another.

    your choice but, I would not bother with picturing any future with someone who is so inconsiderate.

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  • i totally agree with what your friends say. Like if she's with you she shouldnt even be worried about this other guy. why would she need to get him out of her system unless she's still crushing on him. that's really unfair to you.

    I could understand if she just wants a prom date or something you know? But putting myself in your shoes I just feel really bad for you because you have to wonder the whole night if he'll sweep her off her feet. Maybe she's not taking this relationship as seriously as you are. and maybe she's only with you because he wouldn't date her. I know that's probably hard to know but if she's being this selfish then I think you have the right to protect your heart and decide if you really want this kind of relationship.

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    • I even wanted to let her go...but the only thing was that I talk to the guy and say my piece no threats but just strait be like this is a friends deal don't try anything. But she even tells me that she want's me not to do that. And yes your absolutely right I should have the right to defend my heart from this heart ache and worry. I feel that she doesn't even really realize how bad it bothers me about this whole deal. What do you think I should do?

    • Show All
    • Well I gave it a go and I got a chance to talk to her heart to heart and everything she saw me with all my feelings of the situation. I said that we are two people and when two people have there emotions in a twist such as this that we need to come to a middle ground. She said that she will sleep on it. I said ok I hope that she will be able to come up with a compromise so this all ends and we can move on.

    • Hope it all ended up well! I think that was the right thing for you to do...cuz all you can do is talk to her about it.best of luck

  • I'm glad she understands how you feel. Empathy is a big part of a relationship. It sounds like things SHOULD work out. Goodluck!

    ~bnwsmile

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    • Thanks for all the help.

  • How long have you two been together? Do you trust her? If you do, let her go but make sure she understands why you feel like you do. I wouldn't worry about it too much, in her mind it could be the kind of 'closure' she needs. She is still young and may not know what she wants completely but honestly I don't think you need to worry about it. Hope it works out for you!

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What Guys Said 2

  • Sounds a lot like, one more cigarette and then I quit, one more game and I'll quit, one more drink...I'm sure you heard it around you..The "one more"-thing is for people who don't want to admit to themselves they're too weak to show charachter. Basically they lie to themselves..Whatever is "still in their system", is not supposed to be there in the first place - and they know it! Now the good news: the one difference between your girl and the above is that the latter is really about addictions or obsessions. I dare to say she's not addicted nor obsessed with this guy or you wouldn't be there..

    There's no closure here, it's a lie. But then you never know, it very well could be that last cigarette. So yea, I guess the thing to do is really to make clear agreements on this. It sure is a trust thing, but if she holds her end, it'll be a great faith test and she won't forget it from you. If she doesn't, get out of the relation right then and there (just don't tell her so now, of course).

    You're 22 - you may not want too much playfulness anymore (I reckon..)

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  • What a bitch... That is bang out of order and you are better off getting rid of this virus. She obviously has no respect for you.

    If I was you I would tell her that there is this girl you have loved for ages and have finally grown enough balls to ask her out. Tell her you are taking her to a movie and then staying in a hotel room together... but it's ok!; its just to get some closure!

    What The F***

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    • Bro that would be a great idea to put in motion. Get her to see the flipside of the situation. The only thing is I don't think I have the heart to do it ya know. Call me a wussy but I truly do care for her although she wants this whole prom thing to happen.

    • Yeah I understand. It's catch 22. But think of it like this. Why doesn't she give you that level of respect? Either way you end up the loser in this predicament. She is being so unfair.

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