Girlfriend meeting up with her recent ex..... how to handle this?


Essentially they were a couple for 18 months "long distance" and it wasn't working. A lot of arguing and him not willing to make the effort (according to her side of the story obviously)

background being they were friends for like 5-6years previous and they want to stay friends afterwards.

I've been seeing this girl (she's 26 I'm 29) for like a month now and this Friday the ex is coming to town to watch a gig that she brought tickets for for his recent birthday. The breakup was kind of because of us coming together and he doesn't know I exist. there may have been a slight overlap, which I'm not proud of.

So this Friday he's coming to town and they are going to this gig and apparently he's staying over as it won't finish till late and he lives 2 hrs drive away. Now with them wanting to stay mates in theory I'm OK with this, in practice I'm not an idiot and am wary of "sparks" and all that. I will be working on the other side of town that night.

Do I just leave her to it? ask no questions and go on trust?! I've already said I'm not totally happy with him staying over as I don't trust we won't try anything and she said it wasn't about me and he can try what he likes its not happening...

The relationship is still new, we're having a good time and I like her a lot. I don't want to come across untrusting and paranoid. But I'd be an idiot to not be a little wary wouldn't i? what would you do if you were me?

sorry for spelling mistakes, was typing quickly... I don't trust he won't try anything is what I meant.


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  • Essentially it takes two to tango. If you trust your girl that she will keep her hands off, then you won't have to worry how many moves he tries.

    If she does do stuff then Houston, we have a problem. It depends on how it goes down (no pun intended). If she tells you immediately that she was unfaithful, thank her for her honesty. Then ask her why she did it. Perhaps there was something lacking in the relationship that made it easier for her to cheat. Perhaps she still had feelings for him. Perhaps she was going to spread her legs for any other man because of whatever (thrills, new experiences, get back at you, etc.).

    If she doesn't tell you then she isn't being honest. Since you know her better than we do, you should ask yourself how much do you trust her. If you don't trust her about as far as you can throw her, perhaps you can set up a camcorder and ensure nothing goes on. Most people who set up surveillance or hire an investigator already have a gut feeling of infidelity. All they are looking for is the smoking gun.

    Aftermath, if this deal goes sour, try not to take things personal. Loads of people blame themselves for getting a rotten apple and it could play havoc on the psyche. I have had women cheat on me in the past but I didn't bring that baggage to the plate in a new relationship. Good luck and I hope this post helps.

    • Thanks for the comment mate. I saw her saturday, she said that friday was "emotional" but that was all she said... then today I get a text saying her head was all over the place, she didn't know what to do and she didn't want to hurt me.... gutted... guess its all going south?! thanks anyway dude

    • Sorry to hear that man. At least you knew she was seeing her ex instead of getting hit with this like a left hook. There was some time to brace for potential impact. I wouldn't fault you if you decided to hit the eject button at this point. Do whatever makes you happier (in the longrun).

    • Hey, at the moment we've had a brief chat and I'm going to leave her to it for a few days and we're meeting for a chat on thursday. I do care about her and at this moment not sure if she's genuinely confused and not sure what to do, or is actually back with him and trying to be nice. Plus there's the issue of the job. I need it because I'm in a bit of debt and it pays well, hopefully I can keep that? So... waiting till thursday... wish me luck! :-S

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