How so I stop being so upset?

My boyfriend and I have ended our relationship after 2 years together but it's really getting to me. I am so heartbroken and all i do is cry. I can't eat or sleep and don't even want to leave the house. How can I get through this without doing anything drastic or stupid?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I did the worst thing possible -- self-destructive downward spiral of drinking and sleeping with women I didn't care about which only made me miss her more and more and more.

    I don't recommend that -- it prolonged the heart break to years where I wanted to end my miserable existence each night, and couldn't even sit still in one place for 10 minutes without my thoughts turning to her and getting so depressed that my face would tense up and start getting sore.

    Another thing I don't recommend is actually talking endlessly about this to even the most supportive friends. The problem is that, while attempting to comfort you, they're going to say all kinds of things that will just make your emotions go haywire. An example of one that drove me crazy was, "Just remember the happy memories" thinking about them just made me miss her more).

    I didn't really begin to start healing until I stopped *trying* so directly to get over it (ex: stopped talking to my friends about this subject, stopped trying to date women who could replace her).

    At that point I kind of reinvented myself, changed my whole kind of style, started networking like crazy and building an army of friends so that I could fill up my whole calendar with things to do every weekend because of all the social events I was being invited to, and also started getting engrossed in my hobbies. I ended up trying all kinds of new things I was previously not so open to, like traveling to exotic places with my friends that I wasn't so interested in originally just to try (and had a good time). I tried leading a more nomadic kind of lifestyle where I carried all my possessions with me and traveled a lot.

    That's when I was able to finally start getting over it. I just ended up filling up my calendar and giving myself so many interesting things to do that I could wake up every morning with something I was looking forward to doing. It still took a long time, but each time my ex receded further and further back into my mind, with each passing season.

    So my recommendation is try something like this. Try to find a way to fill up your calendar with things to do on weekends, meet the friends of your friends and the friends of their friends, and try to find hobbies that really excite you. Basically just kind of put yourself out there and try to enjoy life. The more heartbroken you are, the more you need to make a big effort to really heal.

    If I had not done this, I never would have recovered (maybe not even in a decade).

    • Another thing I might suggest -- normally I think "friends with benefits" is a horrible idea, but during heartbreak, I think it's a very good idea. The reason is that returning to an empty bed each night can be really miserable, but trying to actually build a relationship will just hurt everyone you date since you'll be incapable of becoming emotionally invested in them. By not focusing on love and focusing only on friendship, that whole kind of friends with benefits thing allows you to hold someone and have that kind of sexual release but with a strong acknowledgement that no strings and emotions are attached. I did that a little bit as I was leading that nomadic lifestyle with groups of friends that were expanding, and I think it helped me heal. Trying to date and find love only tears open new wounds until you are truly ready to love someone again. That could take months or years depending on how devastating the heartbreak was. In my case, I lost my fiance.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Unfortunately, it just takes time. Do what you need to do in order to ease the pain in the meantime (music, friends, food, exercise, etc) but you will adjust when it's time. 2 years is a long time to be with someone, so it's natural to be upset when it ends. Heck, I'm likely about to end my 2 year relationship and even though I know it's for the best, I'm totally prepared to be sad for a while afterwards.


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  • My boyfriend and I recently broke up after almost 4 years together. It's tough. But you can't let yourself go. I've tried to stay as busy as possible.


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