If a guy cheats, is he obligated to stop talking to the girl he cheated with even if that girl he cheated with is his best friend?

Earlier this year, I cheated on my then girlfriend with my best friend. I'm not making excuses for it. It was a horrible thing to do. She had given me another chance but a couple things were made clear by her.

1. She was never going to love me again like she used to.

2. She refused to be in a relationship with me if I continued to talk to my best friend.

Both these things are understandable, I dare say I would carry the same mindsets if I were cheated on. But I really wasn't going to stop talking to my best friend whom I've been there for and who's been there for me through all kinds of crap. She gave me a choice and I chose my best friend. She was devastated and left me, apparently crying herself to sleep that night.

After this happened a question started to form. Was I unreasonable? I am not blaming her for anything in this situation. After all, she was simply enforcing her lack of trust which, if I'm honest with myself, I deserved. But am I a terrible person that my feelings of closeness for my friend were greater than those for my now ex in this situation? Was I wrong for choosing the person I cared about more even if I betrayed the other? Did I owe her anything?
My feelings on this situation changed. I'll ask a new question regarding this situation later.


Most Helpful Girl

  • If she's said she doesn't trust you then you shouldn't go back into a relationship with her. Obviously she has every right not to trust you, but attempting another shot at it without trust will put you both on an emotional roller coaster you won't enjoy.
    The ultimatum seems fair, she would obviously be very insecure with you continuing contact with this friend of yours, however there is a reason all this has happened, what was missing from your relationship that made you feel the need to do this? Is it a relationship you even want to get back in to?
    Sounds like you have made up your mind already by choosing not to evict this friend from your life, so maybe the relationship just wasn't right for you. You're not a terrible person for feeling something for someone else, but you made the mistake of not being honest before it happened and now there is hurt feelings involved.


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What Girls Said 6

  • If you chose your best friend, why aren't you with your best friend? The cheating part was wrong, but there was no conceivable way you could cut ties with your best friend. And if your girlfriend was never going to love you like she had before, how much longer would it have lasted? I've been cheated on before, and my love didn't change, my spidey sense did, but not my love.

  • The fact you chose your best friend over your girlfriend shows you didn't really care for your girlfriend all that much, so at the end of the day you did her a favour. That being said, yes I think you were extremely unreasonable, but you didn't love her so what does it even matter now?

  • Yeah, you're a terrible and unreasonable person for cheating on her. You're lucky she even gave you a second chance. You were selfish and wanted to have your cake and eat it too. If you didn't have feelings for her anymore, I don't understand why you didn't break up with her, instead of being an asshole and betraying her.

    You clearly have more feelings for your best friend, so you should have saved her the pain.

  • and why don't you just leave her and start dating your best friend?

  • Why don't you just be in a relationship with your boyfriend then?

    • Why are you calling her my boyfriend?

    • Meant to say best friend. Must be auto correct. 😑

  • WOW. Please leave that poor girl alone. You don't deserve her.


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