What do you get when your sister has a loser boyfriend and low self esteem?

Introducing my sister, a 17 year old who is dating a supposed 20 year old guy (who honestly acts like a child). She is an above average student, who is well on her way to getting into a top notch college while her boyfriend is well, taking a "gap year." She is beautiful in every way but never seems to acknowledge it to herself. She judges herself too harshly, which is partly why I believe that this situation is still going on. Her boyfriend has been staying with us for the past two weeks and still has one more week. He somehow managed to get a month off from his stocking job at a local market in another state and seems to be content with forever being a stock boy. He barely communicates with anyone in my family and seems to have my sister in a trance that she has to pay him back for his flight expenses with the money my father gives her. I don't know what to do anymore nor do my parents. She gets fired up every time my mother tries to talk to her and now my parents as well as I are afraid of losing her. She says she's happy, but as bad as this seems, I feel that deep down inside she doesn't know what to do. I want her to be truly happy and I know she can find a better guy. Please, please help me.


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I think you gotta let her figure this out on her own. At some point she will come to her senses and realize you all were right. But, she has to learn that on her own and through the hard way...


What Girls Said 2

  • You don't do anything. Her love life is completely on her. Just be there for your sister, that's all you can do.

  • I totally understand you are afraid for your sister and her future. I think you are understandably not happy with her boyfriend.

    But she needs to make the choice to leave him. Pushing her to leave him will only make her run faster to him. By the sounds of it, they live a state apart, is that true? Does she plan on applying to colleges? What I would do is support her in her decisions. Let her see how terrible he is.

    Give her a chance to see it for herself. I know you worry about her, but trust me this is the only way you guys can be sure she will leave him and not look back.

    What I would do is make it seem so exciting to be applying to colleges and universities. Go on trips with her to view these colleges (make sure you actually visit some of them!). This will make her fantasize about her future and not the future with the boyfriend so much. She will realize that her dreams are bigger than the dreams she has with her boyfriend and hopefully not want to be with him anymore.

    Also, make sure to make it fun. Go to some restaurants in the city where she could be going to school, make it seem like an adventure, get her really fired up about it.

    Once she gets excited about colleges she will have to start planning financially. Once she sees how ridiculous it is that her boyfriend, who works, has to get money from her to pay for his flights, she will soon grow tired of him.

    Good luck!


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