He pushed hard for things to go fast and then overnight he broke it off for going too fast? What happened here?

Met this guy online about a month ago. From the get go, he came on STRONG. Because I tend to get attached rather quickly, my policy is to mirror the level of attention I get from guys I like (to avoid coming off clingy). Since he kept coming on strong after several wonderful dates, I eventually started reciprocating. We had everything in common. He could finish my sentences. We talked for hours nonstop about everything everyday, and he opened up to me. We also bonded over our shared history of mental health issues. He suffers from severe anxiety/panic attacks. We are both healthy with treatment. He was prince charming. After 3 weeks of dating, he sent me a text at 2am OUT OF NOWHERE saying that the relationship was going too fast for him. We had previously talked about taking things slow, but then he would immediately push to act more and more couple-y. He made plans for super couple-y dates (spend the day at his house cuddling, going to buy fancy Lego sets, helping him buy a new cologne, things you do with your boyfriend not the guy you just started dating). He insisted on exclusivity after 1 date and wanted to hold my hand in public nonstop. He was buying me cute gifts after each date to commemorate the date. And now he freaked out over us moving too fast? His explanation confused. He said he wanted me, but this was too fast. He didn't know if he was making the right decision about us by breaking up. He said we had an incredibly strong connection and that he was attracted to me, and that everything was amazing. That he got too excited about me, overcommitted, but that now that was too much. It sounded to me like: I want you and I want a relationship, but I can't handle it even though I told you I wanted a relationship several times. I was shocked. I offered to slow things down, but he didn't respond. I really care about him. I wonder if he's having a panic attack over us? Relationship makes him too anxious? Any insight would help. I'm very confused.
Anyone else has some advice?


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What Guys Said 1

  • It seems like he's me in a nutshell. I rush into things and get in over my head too quickly then end up ruining the relationship. If anything he scared himself by doing all this for you now he thinks you expect this. Instead of offering to take things slowly ask him out to coffee and tell him you want to see if you can be friends or some other lame excuse. Then when you have him in a setting where he won't freak out tell him you just want him. You don't need this whole charade that he's putting on. You care about him not the gifts or the dates. Be upfront with it and tell him you don't care about how fast things go just so long as they go with him. That should set his mind straight or at least put him at ease.

    Good luck!


    • Thank you. I offered to slow down massively. He didn't reply to my text. He did say mid breakup text message that he wanted to be friends still, but that the prob with that is that I live 40 min away. He didn't bring it up again. And he didn't reply to my text asking to slow down to whatever level makes him comfortable. Is there any chance he will contact me again? I feel that if I contact him A. He won't reply or B. He will get scared off even more. My friends suggested i leave him alone and that maybe he will come back on his own

    • It could work in that fashion indeed. I would give him time and try in a week or two.

    • He broke it off two days ago. I'll wait a week and send his a "lets be friends" text and see if I can take it from there. Thanks!

What Girls Said 1

  • He's just having a freak out about how he's been

    • I wonder what are the chances he comes back :/ I really miss him, flaws and all

    • Well tried talking it out? After giving him space obviously

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