So, I recently got with my girlfriend. We've been good, had a lot of good times. But just a couple of days ago, we were in a car with friends and my girlfriend was looking at a friends of her's phone. (I'll use Andrew for the ex's name.)And she saw her ex's name on it and said, " is that MY Andrew?" and when she said that, another friend of mines looked at me and we were like the hell, YOUR Andrew? I mean, they broke up and all, and still saying HERS. but you know, trying to be quiet and nice, I just ignored it. So when I got dropped off at my friends after the car ride, I called my girlfriend and told her I will call her when I get home. Finally , when I got home, first thing I did was called her. When she picked up, the first thing she said was " wanna talk to me and Andrew?" . NO EVEN A 'hello dear'...
Again, trying to be nice, I just said OK. We talked for like 10 minutes, he was nice , I guess. They kept talking and saying things like, "Andrew you have to visit me again k?" and " I might go to your school tomorrow to watch you." Like, its OK that she talks to him, but like HER Andrew and all that... Not trying to sound all obsessed but I actually love her. The thought of loosing her is unbearable.
And plus, her ex was with her for a long time, and she lost her virginity to him. So, yeah, should I be worried, what should I do, I tried talking to friends but they don't give me sh*t... and, people call her a ho, and that I shouldn't be with, they say don't trust her.. but I ignore all the comments cause I see what they don't...
Most Helpful Girl
Yeah, it's hard when it sounds like they have a "bond" you can't really compete with.
I have a similar situation with my ex-fiance. We went through a lot together and came out as friends on the other side. However, even though we both know we don't work as a couple, we will always be in each other's lives somehow (email, etc.),
I always made sure to reassure any guy I was dating that our friendship was just that.
BUT! I do know that constant contact with an ex can put a strain on an existing relationship.
You have a difficult situation because:
1) It's good that she's not hiding him from you
2) If you ask her to stop talking to him or even talk to him less, she may just end up hiding it from you.
The best thing to do is to just have an open, honest conversation.
If you're NOT okay with her staying in contact, say so but do it in a non-threatening, non-jealous way.
You can start by saying how much you feel for her, "actually love her", but feel worried that she still has strong feelings for her ex.
You might even be able to have a discussion as to whether she still has feelings for him.
You can also add that you understand she'll still have a bond with him since he was her first (If you are understanding)
You can also open the subject of cheating...like whether or not she's cheated on anyone, general philosophical thoughts on cheating.
(This may seem harsh but good relationships have open/honest/intimate discussions)
Good Luck, Hope it works out well :-)
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