What do I do? My girlfriend keeps mentioning/talking to her ex.

So, I recently got with my girlfriend. We've been good, had a lot of good times. But just a couple of days ago, we were in a car with friends and my girlfriend was looking at a friends of her's phone. (I'll use Andrew for the ex's name.)And she saw her ex's name on it and said, " is that MY Andrew?" and when she said that, another friend of mines looked at me and we were like the hell, YOUR Andrew? I mean, they broke up and all, and still saying HERS. but you know, trying to be quiet and nice, I just ignored it. So when I got dropped off at my friends after the car ride, I called my girlfriend and told her I will call her when I get home. Finally , when I got home, first thing I did was called her. When she picked up, the first thing she said was " wanna talk to me and Andrew?" . NO EVEN A 'hello dear'...

Again, trying to be nice, I just said OK. We talked for like 10 minutes, he was nice , I guess. They kept talking and saying things like, "Andrew you have to visit me again k?" and " I might go to your school tomorrow to watch you." Like, its OK that she talks to him, but like HER Andrew and all that... Not trying to sound all obsessed but I actually love her. The thought of loosing her is unbearable.

And plus, her ex was with her for a long time, and she lost her virginity to him. So, yeah, should I be worried, what should I do, I tried talking to friends but they don't give me sh*t... and, people call her a ho, and that I shouldn't be with, they say don't trust her.. but I ignore all the comments cause I see what they don't...


Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah, it's hard when it sounds like they have a "bond" you can't really compete with.

    I have a similar situation with my ex-fiance. We went through a lot together and came out as friends on the other side. However, even though we both know we don't work as a couple, we will always be in each other's lives somehow (email, etc.),

    I always made sure to reassure any guy I was dating that our friendship was just that.

    BUT! I do know that constant contact with an ex can put a strain on an existing relationship.

    You have a difficult situation because:

    1) It's good that she's not hiding him from you

    2) If you ask her to stop talking to him or even talk to him less, she may just end up hiding it from you.

    The best thing to do is to just have an open, honest conversation.

    If you're NOT okay with her staying in contact, say so but do it in a non-threatening, non-jealous way.

    You can start by saying how much you feel for her, "actually love her", but feel worried that she still has strong feelings for her ex.

    You might even be able to have a discussion as to whether she still has feelings for him.

    You can also add that you understand she'll still have a bond with him since he was her first (If you are understanding)

    You can also open the subject of cheating...like whether or not she's cheated on anyone, general philosophical thoughts on cheating.

    (This may seem harsh but good relationships have open/honest/intimate discussions)

    Good Luck, Hope it works out well :-)

    • She's not hiding it from him, but she's sure not being subtle about it either.

    • Well, that's what I said. She isn't; but if he says it bothers him, she MAY keep talking to him and hide it from him then.

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What Girls Said 20

  • here is the thing, people think girls with guy friends are ho's. That is not always the case, and what is a ho really? guys sleep around too, and they're called guys. So forget the ho comment.

    That is how we have a hard time building solid relationships, when we listen to others who know nothing about the relationship telling us whether to break up or not or who the person is when they have met them like one time, and had no meaningful conversation with the person to know them.

    Trust is what the issue is, and I suggest communicating. I say this a lot but that is the only way. You sit her down alone, face to face. You tell her how you feel calmly and rationally. Think of it this way, if you love someone you will let them hurt you, but that does not mean that they SHOULD hurt you. So be aware if she is taking advantage of your openness. When you get into a relationship all this comes with it.

    You becoming paranoid is not a way to start a relationship, it only creates more drama, so figure out what you are willing to go through for this girl. If you want to stress out constantly wondering if she is faithful, is she appreciative enough about your love for you to go through that? You shouldn't feel that way in the first place. are you confident enough to trust her when she hangs out with her guy friends?

    I hang out with my ex of 6 years, I love him still but would never get back with him, I do not sleep with him, or anything. Just friendly mingling. She may be different. I don't know.

    About that my Andrew comment, don't take it personally, but let her know it hurt you and ask her how she would feel if you said that about your ex girlfriend (ex. if you said "my Sara" in the same situation.)always ask the person to put themselves in your shoes. Try it out, let me know if I missed anything

  • wow! well the "who is that? my andrew?" means nothing. it really means "is that the andrew I was with?". but she definately still wants a part in his life. especially if she's that excited to talk to him. also, she wants you to get involved in the whole thing that way she can throw it in your face later. you know, when she sleeps with him. it will happen. she will say something like, "you didn't stop me from talking to him so you let this happen!" or " you knew I still had feelings for him, I was talking to him, right?" stupid stuff like that. just because she still wants him, doesn't mean he still wants her. she can throw herself at him all she wants and if he is at the stage of "i want to **** every girl I can" stage, he will take advantage of her. she will think he still wants her and he will use her whenever he pleases. and you will be the shoulder to cry on. she will always be on the super high energy/ super low energy fix through it all. one day she will want to hang out with you, but won't want you to touch her (cause she's giving it away to him) and the next she will jump your bones like a savage (cause she's mad when andrew rejects her). it's your call. you can go through this all you want. but in the end. you'll end up in the same place--without her. it's all in which path you choose. either let her go now and get your life together (save yourself some bitterness towards women) or go for the ride and be the bad guy, cause you will be the bad guy even though you are the one that loves her. your the bad guy cause your not willing to step aside so she can be with andrew and your the bad guy cause you let her talk to him, which led her to being used by him (since you were a push over). sad but true. think of it this way. you love her very much. would you jeoperdize your relationship with her by talking to YOUR ex, and having the balls to expect her to want to carry a conversation with the two of you as if you 3 were good friends? if she truly loved you, would she stand for that? what kind of girl would you do this to, if you had to choose? a girl that you truly loved or someone who is dispensable?

  • tell her it's disrespect

    i do not talk about ex boyfriends with my current boyfriend.

    she might not know it's hurting you. let her know. tell her to stop.

  • I would say you have a little to be concerned about. How long ago did your girlfriend and Andrew break up? Because if it was fairly recently, then you may be a rebound or she could be using you to make him jealous. Also, do you think its weird that he was at her house with her?

  • DUMP HER, BEFORE SHE DUMPS YOU. it is so much better that way. She sounds obsessed with this guy, and will take the next opportunity available to her from him. and you probably don't love her...you just don't want to be alone. you'll get over her as soon as someone new comes along. always remember, "Nice guys finish last." yes it's true. I had the same thing happen to me, but only I'm a girl.

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What Guys Said 11

  • She is not even respecting you. You're both in the same care and she just blurts out "My Andrew?" She's not even considering how that makes you feel. And then you call her when you get home, and she says do you want to speak to the guy. Then she says to him that he has to visit and that she might go to his school to watch him. That is a total lack of consideration that "your" girlfriend is showing for you. Their connection doesn't matter and it doesn't matter if she lost her virginity to him, they broke up and she's now supposed to be with you. I know you love her, but you need to let her know what's up and that what she's doing isn't cool.

    And of course her friends don't give a sh*t. The fact that one of them had his number in their phone shows that this guy is in their loop and they like him. And so far, it sounds like what everyone has been saying is right and that you shouldn't trust her. And you say that you see what they don't, but maybe you are not seeing what they are seeing because of the feelings you have for this girl.

  • OMG man all the red flags are there, I have been the andrew and I have been the anonymous user so I don't want you to suffer. Tell this bitch to go f*** herself asap and get another girl, have some self respect, not only is she sleeping with her ex but she is mocking you, jesus, break up with this girl now, if you can't do it go to this site and have them break up for you:


  • I would get out of that relationship becouse the fact is my freind don't have a relationship. sure you like her but she likes her ex and not you.. at least not enough to cut ties with her ex. you need to be strong and wal away, every time she does something that's is not respectful and you stay with her YOUR LETTING HER DO IT, your basicaly giving her permissing to walk all over you... walk away now whilst you have repsect for yourself.

  • Hey there,

    Its a good thing that you see a value you in your current relationship or you wouldn't really be in it. I would have to say though it seems that you are in somewhat of a pickle... Its important when you are in a loving and caring relationship to have a fair balance of friends and alone time and it is also important to be able to communicate and trust one another. Regardless if your friends dislike her or not you will follow your heart, I learned that the hard way. So to answer your question as best as possible from what I understood from it is this...

    I recommend you spend a evening with her at home and sit her down and explain your feelings about the situation and that it makes you uncomfortable with her still talking to her X. If she TRULY loves you and cares about you she will respect your feelings and your thoughts. So ask this question see how she reacts, do not create an argument out of it but allow her to be in a emotional free enviroment to see how she really feels about the other guy, it is true that actions speak louder then words, so just pay attention.

    Hope this helps and good luck.


  • Same as Gregs. I've been in both situations, and while it's never easy, you either need to sort it out immediately, or dump this girl.

    Do NOT just let it keep happening to you. It won't get any easier.

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