If a wife hides about her past deeds (abortions, ONS, Etc) and tricks the husband to marry her and confesses only when got caught after marraige?

Then what should the husband do who belonged to a traditional n cultural soceity (where promiscuity before marraige is a sin) and was virgin till marraige? Now when the secret of his wife comes out after marraige in front of the soceity their reputation n respects went down? How should the family face the situation? Yes the wife confessed about the accusition n said that she hid her past because she wanted to get married to a good n respected family n also wanted to marry a virgin anyway and her honesty might have caused to to break the marraige. Is it selfish n unfair to the husband n his family who are shattered after this?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes this is indeed very selfish because she should have said all of this way before they got married. This is why I always say and advocate to PLEASE find these things out BEFORE you get exclusive in dating/courting for marriage. Because what she has committed is marriage fraud. Reputation in society is not really going to matter to a lot of people, except question this: why? How come you never questioned this before? Etc. This is just flat out wrong. In truth I cannot tell you or anybody how this should be handled. But she is never going to be looked at with respect for a while until she has proven herself that she will not stray from the marriage and will do what is right for now on. Those are part of her vows as a married woman. Even though she was not a virgin before marriage, the abortion, and her past however must be addressed. This sadly is failure on both parties. If he sensed and believed there were things she was hiding, he shouldn't have continued dating her until she comes clean or don't at all. At this point there is nothing that can be done, accept be slow to anger, forgive and move on with the wife. I'm sure the family and husband is shattered, and they have every right too. But this is not the time for the family to turn against the other, this is the time for the family to come together in unity and help them overcome the issues that the wife had to experience. This is the time for encouragement and for her to learn from her mistakes about lying. And hopefully will teach their future children to not make that same mistakes.

    • Yes you are perfectly ri8 , it should be found out before marraige, but its not easy when people acts that well to convince that she is a saint n had no rlation with sin never. The family enquired everything about the bride but they did"nt speak the truth n tricked into the marraige. Now is it possible to live with such a horrible person all throuout the life with trust? If do how?

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    • @Asker To answer your questions in order. The choice is entirely up to her. She either will or won't. She will have to be the one to humble herself to do what is right by her husband and the family she chose to marry into. If the husband choses to not leave the past in the past it will destroy the marriage and his union with her. It will be hard for the husband, but its up to him to pull through. Its going to be tough. Marriage is hard. Nobody has ever said it is easy. But it is up to them to make it easier. First off, he needs to remove such thought from himself and forgive her. If he doesn't forgive and learn to, naturally those thoughts won't disappear. I cannot speak for the wife if she will take advantage of him or not. But if she shows that she is, then he needs to separate herself from her and give her the ultimatum. The ball is in his court, he needs to control what is going on in his marriage, wither she wants in or out. And if it's not meant to happen, then it's done.

    • @Asker There is only but so much a person can do. He and she is not perfect. Nobody is God or a god. You can only learn from the mistakes and move on. Otherwise this is just going eat away at you until you get physically ill and god forbid end up perishing over another person transgressions. But parties needs to ask themselves wither or not this is worth it.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes, that is indeed a very selfish act on her part. What is good is that she confessed it herself, but still that doesn't mean that she deserves forgiveness, all these things a person should say this before marriage and not after marriage.

    Normally what happens in a traditional family or a traditional husband would rather have a thinking that let's put the past behind and concentrate on making the marriage work. Whereas a modern person would not be able to tolerate this and will mostly likely divorce the other person.

    Hence I would say irrespective to whether the family is modern or traditional the logically right choice would be to divorce her or annul the marriage.


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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Is it selfish n unfair to the husband n his family who are shattered after this? -> yep.

    • So now should the marraige remain or annuled

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    • I meant do research about marriage laws (sorry, English is not my first language).

      In any case, you need to ask yourself a few questions. Do you love her? Can you get over it? Can you trust her? Will you resent her for the rest of your life?

      This is a decision only you can make. Introspection will give you answers about what you should do next.

    • Its fine... English is not my firt language too... n thank you for the time n opinions

What Guys Said 1

  • I'm not going to comment on pre-marital sex cos it's your culture , your choice , not mine. On the legal matter however. IF you went the route of marriage agreements , and she as now you have prove that she has made a series of false statement of fact to induce you into the agreement , you then have a case of fraudulent misrepresentation on your hands, which could allow the husband to seek divorce on grounds on marriage entered into fraudulently but either way messy business for everyone involved.
    *not lawyer , just someone with too much time on his hand*

    • Yes pre-marrital sex is no problem for others. She cud have got married to someone whose thinking was like her, why did she cheat and destryed a family like that? But where the culture is like that there we can't neglect it

    • Fame. Status. Money. Or geniune love but the thought of losing her loved one if he realises who she was is too much to bare. The reason why is something only she knows.
      While I do not necessarily agree with how the system works in conservative cultures , I imagine such an incident to be rather damaging to the family's social standing.

    • Yes thanks for understanding

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