Once a cheater, always a cheater?

I don't understand how I was such a good girlfriend, did my best to keep this relationship from falling apart. This is my story... starting dating this guy who confessed once he cheated on his ex numerous times and yet, i chose to give him a chance knowing this fact. We were together for a few months and i started noticing he was always picking fights and always trying to make me feel guilty and blame me of cheating. Never wanted to talk about anything, always had a communication problem but yet i tried to communicate with him, expressed how his silence hurt me. He was a bit depressed i think because he hasn't been able to hold a job and his almost 30. Alway made me feel like I was the problem in the relationship. Basically at this point he would always accused me of cheating, always looking through my phone, in way of looking for evidence to prove of being unfaithful. He would never want to go or do anything publicly. Never introduced me to his friends, though i meant his family (since he lives at home). Red flags right? We were together for 5 months and had a huge fight, we ended things that very night. #weeks later we talked, clearly i was trying to work things out, but to my surprise he has already moved on and he has a new girlfriend after 3weeks of being separated. Claims he's known her for a while, and old friend of his, and it just happened. But things make sense now, he clearly had something going on with her and staged a huge fight, knowing i would break up with him that night. Makes sense how he was always so defensive about me cheating when in reality he was the one cheating. Everything makes sense now how he never wanted to introduce me to his friends, go out, take pictures with me and post them on social media. If one is trying to deal with a break up you go out, hook up with girls, do anything to get your mind off of her but you don't jump into another relationship after 3weeks after your breakup. This has cheating written all over it?


0|0
519

Most Helpful Guy

  • Did you give him the puh? LMAO!!! But seriously uummmmm why would you date someone who can't hold a job at 30? There was a study on men who constantly switch jobs and how they're more likely to cheat. Which is why big corporations like married men (shows they'll stay with the company)...(off topic)

    1|0
    0|0
    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • Didn't think about it, thanks for bringing that up. Id like to read this article, seems interesting.
      I gave a chance and just tried to be that support system because i felt he needed support and love but look where it got me. I don't know he cheated on me? I did everything i could to keep him happy, I've never deprive him from sex, affection, care, love, attention, though at times i worked a stressful full-time job and went to school as well. My relationship became little strained but i would always stop by he's house after work to catch and bring dinner and hangout.

    • Show All
    • Well (slides paper with number on it) lol. Ummm I can tell you from personal experience being single for a while is gonna suck (ITS SOOO WORTH IT THOUGH) especially when friends wanna 3rd wheel you or go on blind dates. Finding hobbies you enjoy doing are VERY important!!! Not everyday will be a cake walk but there are plenty more men in the sea. You into lifting weights at all? Start dating again when you have a firm sense of who you are and what you deserve (confidence), to the point that external validation is flattering but means very little at the same time.

    • You're onto something Black Panther.
      Im going to look into new hobbies. Im not into lifting weights but I'm thinking should start. (I'm too skinny) lol I would like to transform my inner and outer self

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 18

  • STOP ALL COMMUNICATIONS WITH HIM FROM HERE ON OUT, PERIOD.

    The less you remember of him till the point you forget about him entirely is what will make healing from your current emotional state easier.

    Toss and throw away anything that reminds you of him such as photos or pictures of him or photos of you two together. Gifts, etc. Disconnect from him in any social media, change phone numbers or block his number if you know how to do that, even change e-mail address, etc. The more you hold onto someone in the past the more you'll be unhappy.

    It was only a couple of months, starting fresh isn't nearly as difficult compared to as if you had been together with someone 5 years or more.

    If he can't hold a job that is his issue and problem, you wouldn't want to share that kind of baggage with him.

    The moments he had confess to cheating on his previous ex on multiple occasions was a BIG RED FLAG. You really should have dropped him completely shortly from there, as that is a huge indicator that there is something underlying problems that going on inside him and that he really isn't a really happy person on the inside. Otherwise why the fuck wouldn't he be straight up and honest and break up with his ex first before being with that other person he had cheated with? Or at least be straight up honest and blunt with his ex about their relationship and that he is having second thoughts about it or that it really isn't working out the way he had that it would or expected it to be?

    1|1
    0|0
    • I never thought about it that way. But you're completely right. It hurts to know how much i did to make it work, how much i tried to change myself and mold myself into what he wanted. Which that alone is shameful. I just can't believe how much I actually tried in this relationship, and let myself become emotionally vulnerable and let him in to the degree i got side blinded. It hurts to know how i was played, to know that i was the one who took care of numerous date taps because he was always so broke. I would always help in every way possible, be a good girlfriend. Always cheer him on and try to build him up while I managed my own busy lifestyle. i feel extremely used and empty at this moment.

      Im going to take your advice and officially delete him from my room, my phone, my memories and my heart. (idk how I'm going to get over him exactly but thats the start). No more tears and what ifs.

    • blind sided*

  • i think cheating can be a sign of inexperience and wrong partner choice. i believe people can get better than that but it´s not guaranteed.

    2|0
    0|0
    • Why cheat though? Unhappy, why not just say so?

    • "why not just say so" ... it´s not that easy. sometimes you are happy to some degree and try not to lose what you have by saying so but you still know in the back of your head that the partner you have isn´t the "right" one, so you cheat.

  • Yes, that's right once a cheater will always be a cheater.

    1|0
    0|0
    • If you don't mind me asking, why do you agree?

    • Why do I agree?

      Well, because they will never change, cheating is a choice, it's a decision. The person who is cheating they always what they are doing and so it is always planned and executed properly so that the other person doesn't find out ( at least for long time).

      Hence this is something cheaters do consciously. Hence once a cheater will always be a cheater.

  • With a lot of experience, if they have done it once, they will do it again. Hate to say it, but that's what most guys do. If he loved you and wanted to be with you, he won't cheat on you, but if you put up with it, then the problem might be you... Maybe you should have an open marriage and he can go sleep with anyone he wants... but also tell him that if he does it then it is ok for you as well and see what he says. He can be sorry the fist time, he can be sorry the second time, what about the times after that? Obviously he doesn't think you are good enough that he has to have sex with someone else...

    1|0
    0|0
    • This reality hurts to know that could have been the case but I'm not one to put up with cheating. Im hurting now and i know i can't take him back even when if comes back,... i can't move past it.

  • Someone who points the finger at someoelse first with no prof is the one who is doing wrong , it is called deflect. Political people do it all the time. Like Newt Gingrich accusing Clinton of having affairs when he was having several at the time

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yes I think so, at the very least you can't trust them, and if you can't trust them you can't form a healthy relationship with them.

    1|0
    0|0
  • yup you are right... once a cheater always a cheater

    2|0
    0|0
  • For the most part it's true, but a small percentage like 1% may prove otherwise

    1|0
    0|0
  • I don't agree with the saying, but would I trust someone with cheat history? probably not

    1|0
    0|0
  • i think you are presuming that he was cheating with this girl to assuage your ego. it helps you rationalize the break up to presume that he was messing around... now perhaps he was but you don't know that he was

    i've been cheated on twice. both times it broke my heart. it would be easy for me to say "once a cheater always a cheater" but that simply isn't a true statement

    humans are capable of change. now many cheaters may cheat throughout life but we certainly can't say all cheaters are always cheaters

    0|0
    0|0
    • I see your point and perhaps you right on it helps me rationalize the breakup, but i think i can presume all too much. He's actions only prove his unfaithfulness. Turning everything around on me, making me feel guilt when I've never crossed that line. Im extremely hurt, and i try to stop over thinking things and say its all in my head its not.

      He pyshically told me he's dating someone and i need to move on, that he's known her for 10years and that he knows everything about her. That alone told me more than i needed to know... no wonder why he picked fights with me and made feel the way he did just to push me over the edge to break up with him and he can now start a new relationship with his "friend" of 10yrs. Come on. They've been talking all this time, he probably had a thing for her all this time, I don't know but he's in a relationship 3weeks just right after we broke up. Thats fishy.

    • Show All
    • Im at the moment i feel all this mixed emotions. Right now that I'm deleting the pictures of us makes me miss him, i miss those pretty blue eyes, I miss his smell which lingered on my clothes for hours. I miss his voice, the way he said my name. Miss the cuddles and our evening drive around town... Miss the way he would just look at me, like I'm the only one in the room. I miss everything about us at the moment. Im going crazy thinking... obsessing over something that doesn't matter anymore.

    • totally natural though. even when a relationship is over and ended for negative reasons it's hard to wax nostalgic about the things that made us so happy in the relationship. just try to balance those thoughts with the realities of what led to the relationship dissolving

  • No, I used to be a cheater, but meanwhile I found the right girl for me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yup..

    1|0
    0|0
    • And why do you agree with this statement if you don't mind me asking?

    • Because thats mean this person can easily ignore the most important thing in commitment which is loyality. I believe anyone who cheat is like someone who steal u won't trust putting ur stuff any where near them.

  • more then a 95% chance.

    1|0
    0|0
  • no, it depends why he cheated.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I don't know he cheated? He didn't want to admit that he cheated.

    • Show All
    • I meant to say i don't know why he cheated? he's clearly unhappy with his life but thats not my fault.

    • thats true.

  • Once an Avenger, Always an Avenger.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You gave it away when you mentioned how unfaithful he was in his previous relationship. What else would you expect?

    The only case where a man who used to cheat wouldn't cheat again is when the man proactively pursues a better relationship with God, sincerely believing in our Lord Jesus Christ, repenting from his sinful ways and walking in newness of life, going to church and reading the bible often, and constantly shares God's love with everyone around Him, especially those closest to Him. If a man isn't doing that, it doesn't matter how good you are; he's going to cheat on you no matter what.

    With that said, I strongly suggest for you to become more involved with a good local church that has a sound doctrine and you feel at home in. There you would have a much better chance of finding the right person. Until then, stay faithful to God and focus on being the right person. It can be tough to be good in this fallen world, but don't you ever let what someone else does make you stop trying to be the person God wants you to be.

    God bless you, and be strong in the Lord!

    1|0
    0|0
  • Looks like you've got played like a flute. That dude is clearly a piece of shit. One word comes to mind " sabotage "

    0|0
    0|0
    • :(
      Imagine that.

    • Show All
    • Wow, thats awful. I just don't understand the state of mind of a cheater. I don't know how you can hurt someone that you supposedly care about/ love. I can't imagine the type of person who cheats and swipes it until the rug like its nothing, no big deal.

      After all of this I've learned a valuable reason. Never really know someones true character, intentions/ motives. Just wanna get over it already.

    • They just don't care. Its hard for them to put themselves in the victims shoes because they probably haven't been a victim themselves.

      My sister for example confronts men that cat call her. She said at first the guys liked the attention. They didn't care what she said to them. Until she mentioned their mother. Most guys wouldn't want their mother disrespected and bringing up their mom totally throws off the sexuality of the cat calling.

      What im trying to say is that my sister showed them how they could be the victim (at least somone really dear to them).

  • its not true.. people can change and improve

    0|0
    0|0
    • Really,... because right now i see a pattern with him. Cheated on his ex numerous times and now cheated on me. I don't understand why he would do this.

    • Show All
    • Thank you for the kind words.

    • sure.. i hope things work out for you!:)

What Girls Said 5

  • Yea that sounds like the classic behavior. as for once a cheater always a cheater I think that depends on the person and when the cheater finds the right person.

    2|0
    0|0
    • Im a strong believer of " what goes around, comes back around".
      I strongly believe one day he's going to feel this hurtful betrayal from someone he loves, someone he wouldn't expect it from.

    • I couldn't agree more.

  • yeah.. and usually when a guy is so defensive about cheating, that means he is the one cheating. he's pushing his guilt onto you. you dodged a bullet- you're lucky he moved on so fast. you wouldn't want to be stuck with a guy like that for the rest of your life.

    2|0
    0|0
    • Thank you for the support but i can't seem to over think everything and wonder what happened between us? How couldn't i see the red flags... and whats worse is how its still so fresh.

    • you were trying to be optimistic and see the benefits of the doubts. you're so much better off without him.

    • Yes, Exactly.
      When in love we can't see what's actually infront of us. We choose to see the positive and keep on working the kinks out of a relationship. Im glad in a way that i found now then in a few months down the rd when we've created a life together on our own. I believe karma will be paying him a visit sometime during his lifetime.

  • Yes cheating is something I will not forgive because I value loyalty above all in a relationship.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Only thing I've ever asked from him or any relationship is loyalty, trust, respect and communication ! thats it. Shouldn't be that hard. Im a very easy going person but I dint think i can forgive him, nonetheless forget the infidelity.

  • Yeah he has already been cheating on you. They usually are the one cheating when they accuse you and when they do whatever they can to find something unfaithful. You shouldn't care about him anymore, move on and be thankful your relationship with him is over. That new girlfriend of his is going to suffer the consequences, he's going to cheat on her, and treat her the way he had treated you.

    1|0
    0|0
    • I believe she will get her karma for getting involved in our relationship in the first place. And I'm very convinced he will repeat the same cycle, when he meets another girl who appeals to him. Im a firm believer he will one day feel the pain I'm feeling today.

    • Yea both of them will, karmas a bitch.

  • You make me scared. My boyfriend once a cheater. I saw it because he cheated his ex with my friend. Sometimes im afraid he would do that to me. But based on what you wrote above, my boyfriend never did anything like that. I hope he would not do that again because i gave him a second chance.

    What you ex did was clearly that he's cheating on you. He didn't deserve you. I hope that you can move on, and find somthing that could distract your mind. I hope you can meet someone in d future!

    1|0
    0|0
    • Thank you love. I don't mean to scare you but i strongly believe "once a cheater always a cheater". I hope you never experience this awful feeling at the bottom pit of your stomach, feel this emptiness, betrayal, hurt, disgusting feelings all mixed up and all hit you all at once.
      I don't know what happened between us for him to seek affection in someones else arms but i am glad it happened now then later.

      I hope i can get over this and be able to trust again and able to date and put myself out there again. Though at this very moment i can't seem to think ill ever be able to trust another man completely again. This stuff damages a person. But at the same time i can't push the next man for my ex mistakes.

Recommended myTakes

Loading...