Why am I having such a hard time forgiving myself?

So, long story short, I was in this relationship (long distance) with this girl for about a month more or less and in that time she broke up with me claiming anxiety and something else but I soon found out afterwards through Facebook that she really cheated and saw another guy prior to breaking up. I was so hurt and mad and vowed at the moment that if she contacted me back, I would tell her off. She eventually did contact me (because they broke up) back just claiming she wanted to be friends and I was going to tell her off but something inside me just agreed to being her friend.
So we became friends and she eventually told me about her relationship and I eventually told her I already knew prior to her telling me but decided to forgive her. Fast forward, and she eventually started becoming distant again. After questioning her about it, she told me she was seeing the guy again and had been for a while now but didn't want to stop talking to me and I was a great person and all that and I was extremely hurt and told her to lose my number.

There's a lot of other stuff I left out like how she refused to make the effort to see me when she was in my city and when I was in hers. But I'm just so mad at myself for forgiving her in the first place and letting someone have that much control emotionally over and letting myself be played and mistreated like that. It's just so hard to forgive myself for letting it get as far as it did.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm sorry to hear you've been treated this way. It hurts when someone defies our trust we put in them, I don't blame you for being upset about any of it.

    however, you can't blame yourself for what she did. You felt the right thing to do was to forgive her. You shouldn't be upset with yourself for doing what you thought was right.
    I know from experience, sometimes the heart takes control and even though the mind doesn't agree, it still goes along with doing that thing. I believe that's the case here.
    You had feelings for her, and she did become honest with you about her cheating, which may have lit a spark of hope in you that she was completely honest and could gain your trust back. But her being distant again and making you feel the way she did, made it clear it's time to move on from being her friend again.

    You should forgive yourself. Everyone has these experiences sometimes, and things we still think about, and things or situations we wish we would have handled differently. There's no going back in time. leave the past in the past, and continue on without having her around.
    I'm sure you'll be happy with yourself again soon. It takes time.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, you have actually answered your own question. You knew what you should have done but you let your emotions, your feelings take control over you. You knew what was the right thing to do but you didn't do that. Let me tell you emotions and feelings are very dangerous, they are well capable of blocking your mind, emotions, feelings are like clouds they will cloud your thinking your judgement.

    Many times under the influence of emotions and feelings the person ends up doing something they should not do.

    The reason you are having hard time forgiving yourself is because you know you should have cut off contact with her the moment you came to know the truth but you foolishly accepted her friendship.

    That's fine, learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them

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What Girls Said 1

  • It happens to the best of us, just move on and you see now she is toxic. so if she contacts you or anything don't respond. Figure out what you want

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What Guys Said 1

  • I don't know much about relationships, but I've done some stuff that made me have a hard time forgiving my self for. I've completely forgiven myself now. What helped me the most was knowing that I am not perfect and comparing myself to other people who had terrible choices, that made me realize how small my mistakes were.

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