My self- esteem has gone down after being with my boyfriend. Advice?

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. When we first met, I had been single for a long time and was feeling really confident, happy and great about myself, which is what I believe drew him in. When I met my boyfriend things were going well until I found out he had been messaging his ex girlfriend along with other girls trying to hook up while we were in a fight. After this, he promised to change and gave me his password on his phone. I decided to give him another chance, but I've been paranoid since and don't like the person I've become. I never went through his phone until I saw those messages and I can't seem to stop. Things started getting a little better but once I got on the pill, my desire to have sex has decreased and he constantly complains about it. He got upset recently and said "maybe we're just not attracted to each other anymore" he immediately regretted it and said he was just seeing what my response was to see if I still am. Ever since then, I've been feeling super insecure and I get really upset when he points out a hot female because he's made me feel so bad about our sex life and my looks. I'll admit he does compliment me a lot, but it's been hard to move past his mistakes and mean comments. Even when he says nice things, I seem to only remember the bad. I do love him and overall we have a good relationship, besides my lowering self esteem. Should I try to work on my self esteem with him and our relationship or do it on my own? Any advice is appreciated :)

0|0
27

Most Helpful Guy

  • Peace of mind is a creation of your own mind. He cannot provide it for you.

    What he can do, however is provide a level of support where peace of mind becomes attainable. If you don't think he's capable of this or you've told him this much and he's still not trying, then I'd say build up your self-esteem, solo.

    Just make sure to be honest with him.
    With that information in-mind he'll either focus on improving himself for the better or return to where his thoughts had been lingering all along.

    0|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • It sucks to feel that way, I totally understand. I've been through the same thing. You have to stay true to yourself. If you feel like you are not the person you used to be, you should think whether you should stay with him or not. I wouldn't, personally. Trust is very important in a relationship.

    0|0
    0|0

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • leaving option in that relationship is like a medicine.
    at least you'll give yourself the respect that you deserve.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hi, reading your post is like reading my own story. So, from a guys perspective, having been in almost the exact situation, my opinion is just based off my situation. Does he actually directly say something to you that yalls sex life isn't good or anything similar, other than commenting on hot girls? And do you mean he talks about females being hot like around you two in person or like on a movie? Is he emotionally abusive that makes you insecure or is it mostly based on his texting his ex? All those questions I've asked myself in regard to my girlfriend in a similar situation. I've found that in a serious relationship people become very habitual and most partners notice things that fall out of the normal routine. If you find something like you found most people after the initial anger begin to assess everything the other does and starts seeing more things and some valid and some due to the emotion you dealt or are dealing with already. So reading your post, I have a pretty good feeling that you feel it was more than just messages. That's normal, now I don't know anyone involved but you have to begin to find your self worth. It doesn't hinge on what anyone else but you. Don't let what he did define you and certainly make you feel bad about it. If you are gonna stay and be happy then you really have a couple choices. 1) don't feel bad about looking at the cell, he gave u a valid reason to be curious. Find out for yourself if it's more than messages. If you do feel that way. Most people aren't gonna come out and admit it. You won't be happy until you satisfy that curiosity. You both will be miserable as long as you wonder.
    2) do what you need to do to get your self esteem back. Get your hair done, nails, dress nice like you did when you said you were confident. It's a state of mind and only you can take control. Simple things like a few of those I mentioned will spark a reaction with him someway. those are just suggestions if you aren't considering breaking up now. You are reaching out to regain your self worth but remember you haven't lost it, he lost sight of it. Be strong and take control of your life. Happiness is a state of mind you just have to sometimes search your soul to find it again. Hope maybe something in this may help you. Good luck and be strong

    0|0
    0|0
  • Work with him all you can, so he understands where your head is at. Give him a chance to come around when he understands your feelings more deeply.
    Explain the lower sex drive, don't be shy about confronting that issue.

    0|0
    0|0
  • He has a negative impact on you, leave him, and find a more suitable match for yourself. And it also shows self-respect

    0|0
    0|0
  • First of all, don't let your self esteem depend on how somebody thinks of you. Because then it's not called "self esteem" but "other people's esteem". YOU be the master of your own self esteem is what you should feel. Because if you don't you might as well call that other person master.

    It doesn't sound like a great relationship. However, do realize whatever he says, whatever he does you will always feel what feel whatever you focus on. And that is negativity. Just read back what you wrote objectively and you will see it too.

    Should you leave him? Like I said, it doesn't feel like a good relationship but I can only judge on what you wrote. I suggest you choose the path on which you create real self-esteem.

    0|0
    0|0
  • How's this man manage to impress you in the first place?

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 1

Recommended myTakes

Loading...