Why would my ex say he loved me if he never had time to even see me?

Over the past month, my ex would text me and randomly say "i love you." He would even say it over the phone.

I felt that I needed to end things though because he never had time for me because of work. Even when I would call him, I would feel like he wasn't happy that I had called. I constantly felt like an inconvenience. He would try to explain and say that he had to work hard now on his business 'cause he doesn't want to work for someone else and be miserable later down the road.

Some time ago, I suggested a compromise, that we see each other at least 2x/week and he agreed to it. But a week later, it was clear that the compromise meant nothing to him. He even accused me of trying to make him change, and cited his experiences with past relationships.

Anyway, I decided to end things a couple days ago because I hadn't seen him in three weeks and during that time, not once did he suggest hanging out. I don't suggest anything myself anymore b/c I know he'll just say he doesn't have time. He would only bring up the idea if the conversation turned to sex.

But yet, what's with him saying "I love you" randomly over text? Is that some bullshit attempt to keep the relationship going? If you truly do love someone, don't you make time to see that person, even if it's just for 15 minutes?


Most Helpful Guy

  • He was probably contemplating a breakup and feeling some guilt, anticipating that he would soon do something that he knew would hurt you badly. To salve his conscience, he said "I love you" to make you feel better - temporarily.

    Do you think this might explain his behavior?


Most Helpful Girl

  • He might still love you but its love that is compatible with a relationship. Do you still habe feelings for him and if so it might be worth talking things over some more with him.


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What Guys Said 5

  • i think it's how he feels. nothing you described suggested that he never liked or loved you but just that his priority was work.

    i think he needs to try and make you a priority if a relationship were going to work and at the same time you be very understanding of his desire to pursue his career... and if you can't and need more time with him (which is ok) then you would need to be with someone who can make you more of a priority

    • I feel that its not worth trying anymore because he refused to honor a compromise. Do you think its worth it anymore?

    • Show All
    • He said "I'm sad that I lost you" and saying "This sucks" and tries to text me saying he misses me.

      Yet he made no attempt to try and "fix" anything. No attempt at all. I don't get it. Why would a guy act like he doesn't give a shit? Is this some ego thing?

    • no i think it's simply a matter of laziness. of wanting something but not working hard for it. of taking something for granted but then when you have it not doing what you need to do to make it work

      it's like a person who owns a car. we all may want a car but owning a car is a responsibility and requires attention, maintenance otherwise your will run that car into the ground. a relationship requires similar attention, maintenance, TLC, etc... it seems like he wants something but doesn't put in the work needed to keep it working

  • makeameme.org/media/created/not-sure-if-i5adkg.jpg

    Probably trying to get in your pants one last time. Ignore him and block him.

  • This sounds like a problem of "the click" not being there... apparently he was someone with a busy life who didn't want to give you priority over other things, not even twice a week :-(
    So it sounds as if you couldn't become happy with him. People in a relationship need to be there for each other or it will not work :o
    You'll get through the difficult moments and than it's time to seek love with someone who will invest in his relationship :D

  • While he may well have legitimately had feelings for you, it's clear that work was his priority. I don't have enough information to know if that was justified - if he was just BARELY making ends meet and had to work long hours to survive, then, yeah, it might be. Or if he was new to a career and had to "pay his dues" by working long hours and crappy schedules in order to eventually move up, then, yeah, that might be justified.

    But some people just work because that's what they're used to doing, and forget that if they want to have a relationship, that they may have to adjust their priorities. Clearly, for right or wrong, he didn't do that.

    The thing is: you can't have a relationship if you are unable or unwilling to invest time and effort into growing and maintaining it - which means, someone who works 70 hours a week probably isn't in a position to date or have a relationship. That sucks, but that's the hard truth.

  • Sounds like he's playing on your emotions, to do exactly what he's doing now - get you to rethink if you should dump him or give him another chance.


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