My friends with benefits seems to want more but won't make the effort?

So first off he is my ex too. We dated years ago and we were both too immature to make it work so we ended it and moved on. I had just gone through a bad break up a couple of months ago and he contacted me out of the blue for the first time in a year and a half and he had just gone through a break up too. So we decided to just hook up to get over it and it became a regular thing. Eventually he told me he had feelings for me, I didn't tell him I had feelings for him until around two weeks later as I don't want to be a rebound to him. But he seems to be wanting more than friends with benefits, holding my hand and his friends and family know we are hanging out again, talking about the future, he said he has something to ask me next time he sees me.

But the thing is we do nothing together? I go over to his house every time, he doesn't have to make any effort I just go over in the morning and wake him up and we spend the day together in bed. With all of his exes they went on dates but no matter how many times we have been together it's always just been one thing with us. I understand this time I asked for it, and right now he's looking for a new job but I'm not asking for a lot just to go for a walk, can he really even like me that much or want to be with me if all we ever do is one thing and it's me going to all the effort? He had a party last week and all his friends were invited and I understand that's a friends thing but one of his friends invited their girlfriend and there were loads of girls there...


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What Guys Said 1

  • tldnr


What Girls Said 1

  • I've been there... Sounds like he's using you as a rebound.

    He might not have a job, but he could take you for a walk and buy you a $1 ice cream cone from McDonald's.

    Sex is making him feel "romantic", but its not sincere. If it were sincere, it wouldn't be instantly after a break up.

    I think he's just confused right now... he misses having her around, and you are safe territory... You could tell him if he is serious, ask you again in a few months—without sex in between.

    • And I've asked for it too—to be used as a rebound—but it doesn't justify him. It just means you need to make the right decision for yourself 😕

    • Thank you. At first I didn't care about the rebounding thing as I was using him as one too but now it's getting more serious and I don't feel like I'm using him any more. I don't want to be used by him now

    • I've been there—and if you confront him, he'll just say "Well you used me too" and act like he is totally justified.

      The only way out is if you decide you want out, and tell him that is what you want. Blaming at this point won't help ya :L

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