I broke up with my ex for cheating on me, but he blames me!

First and foremost I must let you all know that this will be a tad bit lengthy so don't hold your breaths! I met my ex through mutual relatives when I was 15 and he was 19. We fooled around and started dating secretly and I eventually lost my virginity to him. In a matter of months I found out that he started dating another girl, several weeks after finding that out I heard he got married to her. I was heartbroken primarily because he was my1st but I was able to get on with life because of high school and friends of course - because we share relatives I heard so many stories about his marriage and how he and his wife fought a lot but it never bothered me some until one day when he followed me on my way to school trying to say hi. That same weekend I met him at a party and he told me that he missed me very much. I missed him too even though I was dating other people but he was married...I didn't want to be responsible for breaking anyone's home. Several years past and we speed up to 2008 when the whole grape vine is informed of him and his wife's inevitable split because of his drinking and partying and "cheating". We bumped into each other at a wedding and I asked him out of curiosity to see what he would say, "how was married life?" he admitted to his marriage ending and that night we exchanged numbers. After him callings on/off for weeks we ended up dating again, then we became exclusive. I spent a lot of time with his family, we went on vacation together, eventually it was known to everyone that he and I were dating...and were an actual couple. His parents and I shared a very intimate relationship. I did errands for them, babysit their house,.. took care of his mother at times. Suddenly the happy moments became sour as I started to see that side of him that everyone talked about. All he did was drink and party. He would forget about dates we had, wouldn't come pick me up until after 1 in the morning and would leave me hanging when we did spend time together (go to sleep because he was so drunk). Then he got Facebook and started meeting up all his old classmates all of them primarily girls and exchanging phone numbers with them, eventually adding more and more girls. I confronted him about it and he took of his Facebook but the next week he something strange happened, it was the first sunny day in march and I wanted to hang out.. he told me he had to go somewhere in another state with his friends he told me he would be back that night. he picked me up at 4 in the morning, he went to sleep as usual but his phone was ringing and I found out he went to see another girl he was talking to on Facebook. I confronted him about it but he told me I was making a scene. I was heartbroken, packed all my belongings that I had ... told his mother why I was leaving and left. I am trying to get closure but he keeps telling me that ME telling his parents was "wrong". Why am I wrong? I developed a relationship with them and had to tell them truth of why I wouldn't be coming back...help
I made the mistake of calling him to talk about what happened and ever since then he keeps saying the reason we aren't together is because I spread "our" business everywhere. I just want to know why he did it so that I can get my closure!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Here's what's wrong--> Cheating through a marriage, and CONTINUEING to do it thereafter.

    You weren't in the wrong by talking to his parents. Obviously there isn't room for the "whole story", so I can't speak about your guy's relationship.. But what I can say is that 4/10ths of this message was about him cheating, the other part was about you caring about him (Another obvious thing due to him being your first)..

    At this point, forget the drama and forget the bullsh*t. It shows that you can't get over it by being nice and letting you and him be friends, because he's taking advantage of that power. So here's what I propose:

    - You noticed that during highschool and other things, you were "okay" with him leading his own life, because your life wasn't focused all around him. It seems that since you guys have gotten back together, that's what has happened-> You're falling for him again... If you can build a distance there by filling your time with other things that take importance, you'll do a lot better like in the past. But for the long term, you need to let your heart move on. It's not an easy path, but living with this guy is abusive. He cheated on his wife for so long, ultimately leading to a divorce.. I don't wanna see that happen to you either.

    I hope things work out, but if you need more information just let me know. Like I said though, you weren't in the wrong for contacting his family.. It's just his way of "Weaseling" back into your life, by making you feel like crap- when you care about him- in an effort to make you feel less valuable than what you really are. You have quite a bit going for you if you can just "pack up and leave". I've known quite a few people that didn't have that same option due to having children, or having no place to go, etc.. Get out while you can. There's more to this world than that guy.

    ~ ArtistBBoy


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What Guys Said 3

  • NIce he's the perpetrator and he is making himself the victum, clearly he feels that the realationship with his parents was damaged, clearly they see him do no wrong even if he is a player, he won't change, why waste anymore time on him move on find someone decent and forget about it...

  • hes trying to send you a guilt trip. don't listen to him. its his fault

  • He's a fool... you're perfect.


What Girls Said 1

  • You're not wrong, he probably got in trouble with them after you told them but that's ok, that's what he deserves clearly. If I were you I would just completely move on from him; obviously it will be difficult because you can't just get over someone instantaneously but set rules for yourself like to not answer his phone calls or texts ever, don't hang out with him, even if he "needs to talk"/ "wants to talk" to you, whatever it takes for you to get over him.


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