Broke up with the woman I thought I would marry almost a month ago. Sleeping at most three hours per night ever since. Is this normal?

I've had nights where I'd dream that she and I talked at length and worked things out, only to realize it was a dream after I woke up. I don't dare contact her because she's in an extremely difficult situation, refuses my help, and only gets upset now when we try to talk. Won't get into it, but she got a bunch of things in her head about me that aren't exactly accurate. Maybe it's easy to take out the frustrations on me, I can't exactly defend myself from over a thousand miles away.

Having a drink before bed is the only thing I've found that keeps the dreams at bay but I don't want to start acting the alcoholic so I don't let myself do that. My performance at work is suffering, it's hard to give a damn about anything anymore. She was my life.
  • Drink and sleep
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well she's accusing you or making up scenarios of you that aren't accurate? So she doesn't trust you (in general). The more you try to fix it the more she gets upset about it.

    So in a way it's a headache. If she doesn't want to work it out and talk about it like two rational adults then that's her problem not yours.

    No drinking. Try going to gym (if you already don't), listen to some music, read a book, just focus on other things. Easier said then done yeah I know, but it's a habit you need to get out of

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    • A lot of contradictory stuff I'm still trying to wrap my head around. Accused me of only caring about money - I bought her something she needed for the asking the day after she broke up with me, offered to wire her money to get through a tough spot (an offer she refused not wanting to be seen as using me), and she came back a week later accusing me of this. I was trying to figure out long term expenses for us - fiance visas and international airline tickets are not cheap. Turns out she was in a situation so bad she didn't know how she was going to afford food. Things are less than stable where she's living right now. I went and visited her this summer, everything went to hell there hours after I left.

      Things seemed fine between us during my visit, then she broke up with me a week later citing old problems she never talked to me about. I wanted to be supportive. We haven't talked in over two weeks because I saw our continued contact was only upsetting her.

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    • Maybe she is trying to use you but she realised it's bad and has gotten herself into a mess.

      No one would break up with anyone and not talk about the issue first. That seems irrational. Maybe it's just an excuse to what is really the issue. It seems like she has personal issues

    • Like I said, things went to hell where she is. Violently so. I was on the phone with her while she was holed up in an apartment and jets were going by overhead. Things calmed down again, her focus shifted to legal headbutting over permission to work. I wanted to find ways to be supportive despite the distance between us, she pushed me away and refused my help.

      Like I said, complicated.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I can understand and I think it's normal but then resorting to alcohol is not at all solution to handle this. You are doing any good to your health by following this way. Learn to accept the situation and try to move on.

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What Girls Said 6

  • I think you may be realizing you made a mistake by breaking up with her. It sounds like you are still in love with this woman and your not over her. Drinking won't help the problem, you either need to give yourself time or try talking to her in person and not over the phone.

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    • I didn't break up with her. She broke up with me, and she did it over misunderstandings which she refrained from discussing with me for months.

    • O well I am sorry.. you could try speaking with her again but if she doesn't want to I would just let her go man. It sucks and hurts but it will get better.. you'll find someone else.. but in the meantime just let your heart heal.

  • Yes it's completely normal. Having a breakup especially if it was serious, takes a toll on you. Give yourself time to grieve that loss and take it day by day. Overtime you will find that each day gets a little bit easier than the other. Try to find things to distract you. There is going to be someone right for you that will make you so incredibly happy. Hang in there!

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  • Don't drink and go work out. Its what I do to keep myself from getting over a heartbreak. Once you get active, you will knock out once you hit the sack.

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  • You're just having a hard time after a break up it's completely normal but abusing alcohol because you're feeling down it's not the way to go. Don't let your emotions get the best of you because that could cause you to do self-harm.

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  • i've been in your position, and it sucks.

    if the breakup is still fresh, definitely normal~ i remember being so depressed that i dropped out of college, drank every night, and didn't sleep for for months (couldn't even sleep in my own bedroom, so i moved to the couch).

    ending a relationship that meant a lot to you is a lot like mourning a death, complete with the 5 stages of grief. there's no set timeline, so be kind to yourself and take as long as you need to heal.

    if it's affecting your job, i think it's time to take care of yourself. does your job have an employee assistance program? what's the policy on stress leave? if you need the time, take it... and perhaps avoid talking to this woman until you're in a better place or can do it in person.

    take care~
    -von

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  • Don't drink! It makes it even harder, as you will get more problems from it. Before you know it, you will drink away all your problems in your life. During a break up, you go through a roller coaster of emotions. If you would use alcohol, and it helps, the next time a problem comes along, the urge is there to grab the bottle.

    But I understand it is very hard going through this. However, alcohol is never the solution. Try looking for something else instead. Maybe working out will help you? Just a suggestion.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You'll get over it.. Now learn from and move forward

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  • Ask a bunch of strangers on the internet for advice

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