for the most part we have had a pretty amazing relationship for 2&1/2 years. we usually are able to talk about our problems and resolve them in a kind peaceful manner. even when we do actually fight we talk it through afterwards and realize we either misunderstood where the other was coming from or took something the wrong way. we did hit a rough patch after we broke up for a few weeks and got back together. all of a sudden we fought often and without really working on the issues we were fighting about. a lot of our fights became repetive. he started acting indifferently towards me being upset as if he didn't care started shutting me out and being a complete asshole at times. this is around the time that I started calling him names when I'd get upset. I never reacted that way before and when I'd get angry or hurt my normal reaction was to go in another room to cool down and try to get ahold of my emotions. somewhere during that time I stopped doing that. the more he acted like he didn't care the more I'd get upset and finally instead of walking away to calm down I'd just get in his face and try to get him to talk and not shut me out. I'd got to where I grabbed his arms to try to get him to look at me instead of giving him the space and time to compose himself and myself as well. it finally got to the point where I could no longer take being treated that way. we had a very long talk about why I felt things had changed and that I didn't deserve to be treated the way he was treating me. he finally realized the things I'd been trying to tell him and get him to realize during those few months. he apologized for being so stupid and not seeing how him acting that way was negatively effecting us and how not talking about our problems anymore and just pushing me away to not deal with them was wrong. I also realized certain things I hadn't been doing anymore and how me trying to get my points across were the wrong way.
Most Helpful Guy
Hey. First, don't feel terrible, just learn from this, accept and understand why you did it and avoid a repeat.
It's good your concerned about hitting someone. Though don't get overly concerned (assuming you've not irrecoverably injured him and that your not totally out of control).
Guy's need to be men. Being hit, whilst to be avoided, is also something a guy should suck up and just deal with when it happens (and if its coming from someone with less strength, they need to prevent further attack but just deal calmly with things). I'm a totally non-violent person, but I'm not ignorant to passion. We all get to a snap point where we want to lash out.
What is going on between both of you? Ask yourself. These feelings don't come from nowhere. Drunkenness simply lowers our inhibitions, causes us to lower our barriers and act more on a surface level (lowers our intelligence). The way you act when your drunk reveals an unresolved set of problems or possibly just takes you back through the darker side of your life.
The fact you wouldn't tell your boyfriend what was wrong shows something has happened between the two of you leading to your natural reaction towards him is to cut him out (e. g. you've been hurt, your natural instinct now is to not let him, e. g. don't let him know what's going on with you). If you love the guy and he's worth it (for you to mull and decide alone or with good friends) then you need to open up to him and get comfortable trusting him again (since it sounds like you've been open with him in the past which lead to you getting seriously hurt, reading between the lines).
Honestly, it is likely that whatever caused you to hit him when drunk is something that you're angry with him for sober, but sober your restraining and directing your anger into more positive actions. Sober you might even understand intellectually. The issue is you haven't delt with it (what ever it is) emotionally. So when your drunk to the point your inhibitions become none-existent your emotions scream and rage and it turns into direct action (especially if he doesn't say the shutdown code.. which is to basically know you well enough to defuse you by saying all the right things. This applies to most people black out drunk with serious emotional hurt).
So, to fix it, you need to re-evaluate yourself, not logically, not intellectually but emotionally. Talk with him (if he's worth it) emotionally, don't let him deflect you with logic. Talk purely of how it feels.