Ok, so... my ex and I had a pretty nasty breakup. She dumped me, but I had brought it on myself, in various ways. After a month of NC, I tried to contact her but it didn't go too well at first. Eventually, we had a long phone call. It was really nice and fun for a while, but then we started talking about the relationship and what went wrong. She told me what had happened to make her feel like I wasn't the one etc, and I understood. We both agreed that maybe we were just incompatible, although I did try to explain that a lot of it was due to my personal issues, which I have started to resolve. She also told me about a new guy she was seeing, who was basically the opposite of me. At least when it came to the things she didn't like about me. She also said she wasn't sure if she wanted to jump into another relationship. But she sounded quite adamant there was no going back for us. We ended the call with me saying we should meet for coffee some time and her kind of agreeing but not sounding sure about it. About an hour later I sent her a text saying it was really nice to speak to her, the conversation had helped me stop grieving and move on and that she had made me realise I need to change (completely genuine, btw). Then she called me back, thanking me for the text and saying she really wants to meet for coffee soon. She sounded MUCH more positive than before. Ladies, does this mean she's just happy I've accepted the break up and wants to be friends? Or could it be something else? I've been all over the place the last month. Sometimes I do think that maybe it was for the best, but at the same time I do still love her and a big part of me wants to make it work. Especially as now I can see all the mistakes I made and I know I wouldn't repeat them. My head is telling me she's just happy I've accepted the break up and wants to be friends, but my heart is telling me maybe she still has feelings. Help!
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I wouldn't get your hopes up on a second chance just yet, if ever.
The typical issue is that if your girl still has some level of feelings for you, say as a friend with whom she has shared a lot, often she'll still not want to see you or talk to you much if you look like you haven't let her go. If you come off like you still have very strong feelings and can't accept the break-up, she'll tend to evade you partly out of pity and to avoid leading you on.
Once she gets the impression that you've gotten over her, typically that can allow you two to get back on a friendly level. But that's typically not going to make her forget her reasons for breaking up with you or implant the seed of attraction that makes her want you that way again. You're generally just erasing the feeling that seeing you in a friendly way will lead you on.
If you want to try your luck anyway at some chance, however slim, of getting back together again, I think your best bet is to play it really cool. Really try to act like you've gotten over her (and try to simultaneously make it genuine), don't bring up the past relationship between you two so much, and focus on present and future. Be attractive -- be charming again. Don't be a wounded heart. You win if she starts wanting you again as more than a friend. Bringing up the past isn't going to do that, focusing on present and future and showing her (not telling her) the best side of you and a side that has improved whatever she found lacking previously might have some slim chance.1
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